God's Tender Mercies Can Be Found

 On September 28, 2025 was a tough day for me. I woke up that morning, turned on my phone, and started to catch up on the news of the day. To my sadness I learned that Russell M. Nelson, the prophet of my church, had passed away. It was a calming sadness, as he was 101 years old and his passing was a reality that I had been expecting for a few years now. Still, he was the prophet during a time in which the world was in the most chaos that I had ever seen in my lifetime. During the pandemic I had gained much comfort and strength from his leadership and words of wisdom. I was going to miss his kind demeanor and ever-encouraging guidance to do better, be better, and act better. 

What I was not prepared for was to learn that in the morning a man drove his truck into the chapel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Grand Blanc Michigan. He started shooting and set the building on fire. In the end, four members of the ward were dead from either gunshot wounds or smoke inhalation, eight more were injured, and the gunman had been killed by police. The community was in shock. My Church was in shock. I was in shock. It was yet another mass shooting in a long list of mass shootings in the United States of America, and this one hit close to home.

I understand that when a tragedy like this most descent people will feel sorrow and loss. When it happens to people that you share something with, it hits with a stronger punch. Whether your connection is due to ethnicity, faith, employment, and political leanings, the pain feels sharper when you can see yourself and people you know in the lives of the victims. I hope you can understand that this attack hit me more keenly than previous mass shootings and acts of violence, all of which I find abhorrent. I have never understood how a person could allow such hate to grow within themselves that they would use such violent means to end the lives of people simply because of how they are identified. This includes more than religious affiliation, but ethnicity, culture, political affiliation, and other means of identifying oneself. Sunday I was in simple shock. Monday it began to feel quite real to me. That feeling stayed with me the entire week, although it lessened each day.

When events of this nature occur I cannot help but reflect upon how we got here. Was it extreme polarization? Was it the gun-cherishing culture that is prevalent in the US? Decreasing importance placed on the family, on civility, on forgiveness? More "us versus them" mentality? Mental health crisis? Why do these things continue to happen? It seems that the more advanced we become, the more we should as a society understand that this sort of behavior is not the answer to what ails us, yet it seems as if more and more people feel that using violence as a means to get what you want is an acceptable practice. I know that it isn't, but others feel that they have no choice in the matter. Might means right for them. Now that people of my faith have been targeted, I feel understandably afraid. 

Since this incident hit closer to home, I feel more resolved to analyze the situation. In the past, such as with school shootings, I would look at the circumstances with as open of a mind, seeking truth and understanding. I intentionally do not mention the names of those who committed the violent acts, not wanting to risk granting them any fame or attention. This time, however, I took a different approach. having just lost our beloved prophet the night before, I kept hearing his words that have come to mean so much to me. There was one lesson that he taught us that quickly moved to the front of my thoughts: blessed are the peacemakers. Being a peacemaker is a choice. Choosing to seek healing for myself and others is a choice. I wondered how I could be a peacemaker in a situation as difficult as this. As the week progressed, I found my answer.

I started reading stories related to this shooting, and within these stories I found the tender mercies of our loving Heavenly Father. They were everywhere. People have wondered where God was when bad things happen. In researching these stories, I saw where God was. He was with the people. He was with His children. He was there influencing others to provide support to those who were negatively affected by this event. The more I looked, the more I found evidence of His love, primarily in the influences over the actions of others. He did not "make" anybody do anything, but he provided the nudges that we needed.

I saw His tender mercies in the direction church leaders gave months prior, to have congregations go over procedures on how to respond in these situations. Local law enforcement officers noted that the casualty list could have been much higher, and credited the actions that church members took to evacuate the building as quickly as possible. I saw His tender mercies in the quick and timely manner in which first responders arrived on the scene, contained the situation, removed the threat, and tended to the wounded. I saw His tender mercies in the courage of these individuals who ran towards the danger to protect others.

I saw His tender mercies in a group of nurses who were striking at a nearby hospital. Upon hearing the news of the tragedy they left the picket lines and went straight to the scene to use their skills in helping tend to the wounded. I saw His tender mercies in the actions of the doctors, nurses, and other staff members at the hospitals that the wounded were brought to. How they worked frantically to save as many lives and they possibly could, and how they wept for the one they couldn't. 

I saw His tender mercies in the actions of members of that ward who did what they could to save lives. Two members happened to be emergency room doctors. They ran into the burning building again and again, bringing out as many as they could find. Both had to be admitted to hospital for treatments: one for smoke inhalation, the other for being shot. The latter also had one of his young daughters shot as well. Both of these men, and the girl, survived. One of those who died did so trying to protect the life of another person there. Other members were reported as helping as many people out as they could, some shielding children with their own bodies.

I saw His tender mercies when the daughters of one of the men killed at the church made eye contact with the gunman. She reported seeing into his soul, seeing his pain, seeing that he was "lost". Right there, at that exact moment, not sure if he was going to kill her or not, she forgave him in her heart. The gunman let her live. Her story prompted her sister to forgive the man who killed their father at his place of worship. I saw his tender mercies as the bishop of that ward make a public statement the day after. He spoke of healing, love, hope, and gratitude. Never once did he mention revenge or show hatred. Pain, yes, but hatred, never. The President of that stake released a public statement echoing much of the same. I saw His tender mercies as one of His apostles, David A Bednar, arrived to offer comfort and counsel directly to the members who were there. I saw His tender mercies in the outpouring of support, comfort, and love from people of all faiths, all cultures, all types. 

I saw His tender mercies in the words spoken in defense of those of our faith by people of other faiths. Sadly, there were some voices out there that felt that members of my church did not deserve sympathy because we were "not Christian". Some felt the need to express sorrow, but remind everyone, again, that we are "not Christian" in their eyes. Thankfully, there were far more who raised their voices in our defense, calling out others for their cruelty and very un-Christian approach. They would say that now is not the time for such rhetoric, that they should be demonstrating true Christianity by treating members of my church in a truly Christ-like manner. I saw His tender mercies in the actions of other churches in the community. The River Church held a prayer service one week after the shooting. The St. Christopher's Episcopal Church offered the members of the ward to use their building for their worshipping. In situations as tragic as this, the true Christians show themselves. 

I saw His tender mercies in the numerous Go-Fund-Me pages for the families of the victims. How people from around the world gave their hard-earned money to ease the burdens of the families most directly affected. In particular, one member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints set up a Go-Fund-Me page for what was a surprising recipient: the family of the man who committed these heinous acts. Hundreds of thousands of dollars is going to his wife and child, the latter having severe challenges of his own. People have reached out to the parents of the gunman, not with anger, but with love, sympathy, and forgiveness. While others are calling out a battle cry to defend Christianity, the true Christians are rallying behind all the victims, including the family of the man responsible for all of this. Ever since the daughter of one of the slain shared her experience publicly, announcing to the world that she had forgiven the man who killed her father, I noticed a change in how people talked about this man. He was no longer being described as a monster, but as a troubled man who did the unspeakable. It did not change the horrific things that he did, but people began to see him in a different light. The sister of the woman offering public forgiveness also found it in her heart to forgive the man that had slain her father. Forgiveness has become a key talking point with this story, and people are feeling the healing power that comes with it. 

Personally, I saw His tender mercies in the people around me. I posted on Facebook a few of my thoughts concerning the situation. I mentioned how the 28th was a tough day for members of my faith. Thankfully, the next day was a PD day, no classes or students. It was also the day that these events started hitting home. Sunday was a day to be in shock. Monday was the day for my emotions to catch up. I had a brief conversation with a friend at the school, and although she was not aware of what happened, she was gracious and supportive. I then had three different colleagues take me aside to personally check in with me, to make sure that I was doing OK. I cannot fully express the immense gratitude that I have for those individuals. I was reminded how blessed I am to work where I do and associate with such good people. I felt His tender mercies as I prayed for comfort, understanding, and for healing of the victims. I felt them as I sought to forgive the gunman and see him as a child of God. I felt them as I poured out my soul to me Heavenly Father, and the warming comfort of the Holy Spirit surrounded me with powerful healing.

The tender mercies of Jesus often come through the goodness and actions of others. They come through the quiet whisperings of the Holy Ghost to our spirits. They come in the quiet of the evening, and they come as you seek peace in a loud and busy world. So yes, I am horrified by what happened. I am distraught over the death, the destruction, and the violence. Yet, in spite of all of that, this experience has brought me closer to me Heavenly Father and to my Savior. What was different in this situation was more than it was about people I closely identify with, but that I actively sought out to see His tender mercies. They were mercies extended the those who had been hurt, those who lost loved ones, those who were shocked by the violence, and people of empathy and compassion. They were extended to the families of the victims and the killer alike, because we are all His children. He will always be there to extend those tender mercies, whether we look for them or not. 

I would suggest looking for them. You will be amazed at what you see. 

We All Killed Him

On September 10, 2025, a right-wing social media influencer named Charlie Kirk was murdered at an event he was supposed to speak at in Utah. He was 31 years old. Left behind a wife and children. The 22 year-old man who is accused of his murder is in custody. No official release on his motive as of yet. Of course, that has not stopped countless people from throwing their own theories out there. This killing has caused a lot of anger and outrage, shock and surprise, disbelief and horror. People are reeling from this. I, however, am not shocked by this. 

Let me clarify. I am saddened by his death. I honestly knew little other than he was a Trump supporter and liked to go to universities and debate people. As I have read up on what he stood for, I do not think I missed anything by not being influenced by him. While I respect his desire for free speech and debate, his personal viewpoints do not align with my own in a particularly meaningful way. I don't think I would have wanted to hang out with him. I am suspicious of his involvement in the January 6 insurrection attempt of 2021. He has called people who have violently attacked Democrats and their families as "patriots". These disagreements with him have no cause for me to want or celebrate his disgusting murder. When I say that political violence is vile, I mean it across the political spectrum. He did not deserve this in any way, shape, or form. 

But am I shocked or surprised by this? No. Not at all. I may be surprised by who exactly was murdered, but in the current US political landscape, I am not surprised that people are being killed for political reasons. Since the 2020 election there have been at least 15 major events of political violence in America. Six of them have happened this year alone. In June, State Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband were killed in their own home in Minnesota. She was a Democrat. A fellow Democrat lawmaker and his wife were also shot in that state on the day by the same man. There have been so many comments and posts that I have read that express a desire for violence against political opponents that I am not one bit surprised by this. 

What am I feeling about all of this? Disappointment. Resigned disappointment. My disappointment stems from the increasing number of people who are advocating for more violence. It stems from those who have made claims on the motive for Kirk's killing without any evidence. I have read theories from the Democrats organizing the assassination to Trump's team choosing to kill him to make him into a martyr. Some have said that the guy was even farther to the right than Kirk, and that is why he killed him. I have read comments from opponents of Kirk that claimed he just got what he deserved, that he intentionally stoked the fires and because of this he simply received that which he had advocated against others. I have read comments from the right that all Democrats are guilty and need to be arrested and/or shot on sight. People are claiming that there is no olive branch to extend, no mercy to be shown the other side, and no way that they are going to stand with their political opponents in this. 

This is what truly sickens me. Forget coming together during a crisis. It's time for payback. It's time for more blood to be spilt until ones enemies have been wiped from the face of the Earth.

It's sentiments like this that have caused me to feel that yes, it is more than just the one gunman that is responsible for the death of Charlie Kirk. 

The truth, as I see it, is this: we all killed him.

We killed him when we throw out phrases about executing political opponents. We killed him when we casually call the guy we didn't vote for a traitor. We killed him when we fly flags or carry posters that read "F*** (insert person you won't vote for here)". We killed him when we say that all citizens who do not vote the way we do are communists, fascists, losers, idiots, racists, bigots, terrorists, etc. We killed him when we refuse to speak to people who disagree with us. We killed him when we cut off family members from our lives because they supported the "other party". We killed him when we hold our political opponents to one standard yet look the other way when our guy does the same thing or worse. We killed him when we decided that sensible gun laws were an attack on liberty. We killed him when we spread lies about others. We killed him when we demonize people who are different from us. We killed him when arguing and insults was mistaken for acceptable public discourse. We killed him when we yell out "But what about the other guy?" when someone points out the bad things your candidate did. We killed him when we turned "debates" from an exchange of ideas to a "win at all costs" moment. We killed him when we cry out for vengeance when someone on our political side is hurt but shrug our shoulders and show little sympathy when it's someone from the other team. We killed him when we preach that we should love one another, but conveniently forget that truth when it comes to the political arena. We killed him when we send death threats to politicians and volunteers. We killed him when we see a post on social media that a friend makes supporting someone you do not and then comment derogatory statements in an attempt to show "the other side". We killed him when we loudly talk smack about a certain political party or person in a public setting, thinking that everyone around you is in agreement, but unbeknownst to you there are those who silently suffer the insults because they no longer feel welcome. We killed him when we allowed hatred for our political opponents to take root in our souls and allowed it to grow. We killed him when we set aside doing the right thing for a false sense that we are in the right. We are all guilty. 

For a long time I have felt that there is nothing that I can do about the violent turmoil that has gripped the world in which I find myself in. As I type this I wonder if my voice has any impact. I feel like I am standing on the shore, yelling into the wind of an oncoming storm of hatred. I do not fear that as things continue to deteriorate I will get knocked down when I stand for what I sincerely believe is truth, but I do fear that a day may come when I decide to not get back up again.

So since I cannot change the world, I will do what I can to change myself. I will forgive myself for the mistakes I have made in this matter. I will strive harder to stay optimistic and to be a peacemaker. I will choose to love those around me. I will still stand against things in government that I believe are wrong. I will still speak out against the wicked in defense of truth and virtue. I will do better and be better. And if the battle rages about me becomes so intense that I can no longer see if anyone stands with me, I will stand for as long as I am able. I will do my best to be perfect in this, but I suspect there is high likelihood that I will stumble and fail from time to time. When I do, I will learn, repent, and resolve to do better. I will allow God to prevail in my life. I will forgive as quickly as I can. 

But if you ask me if I think Charlie Kirk will be the last to die at the hands of hatred, my answer is simple. No. He will not be the last. The momentum seems to be too strong, so unless many, many more join me in this, there will be more. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week or a month or even a year, but there will be more. I have faith in God that His will be done. I have faith in Christ that His sacrifice will help me heal. I have faith that the Sun will rise tomorrow and that the platypus will always be the coolest critter there is for me. I no longer have faith that things will get much better in the direction we are headed. I do not have faith in people much anymore. I would love to be proven wrong.

Please, prove me wrong.

 

A Sign of Life

So it has been almost five years since I last posted. A lot has happened, of course, but just in case the two people who followed this blog were wondering, no, I am not dead. To be honest, in order to look after my mental health, I allowed myself to drop several balls that I had been juggling. One of them was blogging. Not that the blogs were being bad for me, I just found other things were a higher priority, so the blogging stopped and I did not feel too bad about it. At the end of the day, I am OK with that. 

I think it is important that we look after ourselves overall; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They are all connected, so I do my best to balance them all. It is challenging at times, but I have improved a lot in my efforts (and I have the brain scans to prove it!). 

Today is just a quick update as to how things are right now and what I have been up to. 

School/Work - July of 2020 saw a part of the school building be condemned. This necessitated a split of the high school into a north and south campus. I stayed north while many cherished colleagues and students went south. I was able to witness the construction of the new building, which we were allowed to move into Spring 2024. The building is great! I am grateful to finally be in a proper, state of the art building. Sadly, the split between campuses became permanent, and it happened out of the blue. Still a bit upset about that, but I choose to move forward and make the best of it. Our student population is growing, and with that comes new staff. In almost every case they are proving to be great additions. 

Church - Shortly after my last entry I was called to be a counsellor in the bishopric. I stayed in that calling for a little over a year. I was then called as Elders Quorum instructor and Assistant Ward Clerk. A few weeks ago I was extended a new calling, but I have not yet been able to announce it. My favorite church-related thing was an assignment for Heather and I to be "parents" to a group of stake youth on a camp last summer called "My Quest". We had 14 youth, a few of whom we already knew, but all of them became dear to us quickly.

Family - Heather and I are quickly approaching our 15th Anniversary. The last few years have been tough, but we remain strong together. The girls are growing up. Barbara is in Grade 7 and Hope is in Grade 5. Dustin married his boyfriend of several years, Andrew, and they live in Devon. Dayton and his girlfriend, Kallie, bought a house and are doing well. Dayton is a nurse now, and Dustin continues to design beautiful homes. We sadly lost Grandma Violet a couple years ago. She and Dad were visiting in Australia. Her passing was very unexpected, but the family have tried to rally around each other. Dad had a couple of minor strokes last spring, but he has bounced back nicely.

World - Sad to say that global conditions seem to be at a tipping point these days. Russia invaded Ukraine 3 years ago and they have been at war ever since. October 7 2023 saw the Palestinian organization Hamas attack Israel, and there has been a brutal war in the Gaza ever since. Hundreds of thousands of civilian lives have been lost in these wars. Donald Trump lost the election in 2020. He proceeded to tell lies that caused thousands of his supporters attack the capital January 6, 2021. The US has been divided ever since. It is like there is a second civil war being fought with words. Each side refuses to see the other side as human beings. Trump was convicted of several felony charges, but somehow America elected him last November. I don't understand it. The man is a liar, a felon, and spit on the Constitution of the United States of America with his deceitfulness, and yet Americans still elected him. 

The hardest part in all of this is seeing how good people are justifying their support, but he is quickly eroding decency in society. He has allowed an unelected billionaire to gut the government programs, firing thousands of people, mainly because they do not support him. He is threatening unfair tariffs on us and other close allies. He has repeatedly suggested that the US annex Canada. He is blaming Ukraine for their war with Russia and having peace talks with Russia only. Suffice it to say, he is the greatest threat to all that is good and free in the world right now. 

Thankfully, there is hope. I am trying to find it, but I know it is there. I know that horrible things are coming in what we sometimes call "the last days", but I know that there will be peace, and all that was wrong will be set right. I just hope that the people I love and care about will be spared much of the pain. For me, I will just stay close to the Lord, listen to his servants the prophets, and trust in Him.

One Set of Footprints

I just saw a post where a friend of mine from my university days just said that one of her daughter's junior high teachers had just committed suicide. I then received news of another suicide that is hitting too close to home. I fear that these tragedies are only the beginning for what could well be a tidal wave of mental health issues in the weeks and months to come. I am concerned that the mental toll is going to show up in more suicides, increased addictions, abuse of self and others, and more. However, this news hit me harder than one might have expected. 

You see, yesterday I broke.

I have been struggling with trying to juggle my responsibilities with school, my students, church, and my family. Things have been piling up and yesterday something happened that pushed me past a breaking point. I went for a long walk (after my wife suggested I do so) and as I tried to get ready for a Zoom meeting after, I just broke. 

It felt like a tiny something snapped in my brain.

I don't know how long I was alone in my basement before I had the sense of mind to text Heather. She came running downstairs. What happened was a bit of a haze to me. I just know my wife was there, offering words of support and comfort while I sobbed. After several minutes like this my beloved wife helped take care of a few things that were needing some immediate attention, and then I went upstairs, turned off my phone, and crawled into bed. I believe I slept a little, but honestly I don't know. I was quiet at dinner and left the girls in Kevin's care for a few moments while Heather and I went to get a few groceries. We talked about what happened. I got a much needed phone call from my Bishop, and we talked. All yesterday I felt like there was pressure in my head and I cannot remember the last time I felt this exhausted. I went to sleep.

I have lost family members and friends. I have lost employment. I have attended sad funerals of cherished colleagues and beloved students. I have been rejected and humiliated by others. I have gone through a divorce. Yesterday was the first time that I felt broken. 

I bring this up because I think it is important that people understand how delicate our mental health can be at these times of crisis. On the surface I should be fine. My wife and I are still fully employed with no loss of income, my family is with me and we are healthy, there is food in our fridge and pantry and power to our home, nobody I know has died from COVID-19, and I have a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I can go for walks and I have enough at home to keep me entertained. And yet since this pandemic started I have had days where I feel like my sanity is hanging by a frayed thread. I have established a network of friends and family members who I reach out to and who reach out to me, but I still had a mental collapse where I was pushed to the limit and beyond. While many people could look at me and say "Bryan Andrews is fine. He is strong. He can weather this storm", know that it is not entirely true. I am still human. My struggles are still real. I feel the pressures of being on the ground doing what I can to see those I have been tasked with through this. And while on the surface I may appear to be doing fine, know that underneath I am not. 

At least, not always.

I struggle. I struggle with depression. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I struggle with loneliness. Most days the struggle is manageable to easy. Most days I can be the strength for others to lean on. Most days I can be there for others. And some days, like yesterday, I can't. Some days the struggle is too much. Some days I get knocked to the ground, and it is hard to get back up.

I like to be the one who can reach out their hand to others who are struggling, but I have learned through difficult experience to extend my own hand so others can help lift me. I am learning to find the strength is asking for help, but I am also glad for those who have made the deliberate decision to be there for me. Of that, I am grateful. I am grateful for those who choose to check in with me rather than just assume everything is OK. 

One of my favorite poems is titled "Footprints". I have included it at the end. I love it because it has taught me to be grateful for the times in my life where I can only see one set of footprints in the sand that is my life's journey. I have dear friends, cherished colleagues, thoughtful neighbors, supportive students, and the most loving family I could ask for, but at the end of the day, there is one set of footprints that have always been with me. And it is that set of footprints that ultimately helps me when I feel broken.

So please be kinder to others. As we navigate this storm in life, be merciful and patient with others. You do not know the sorrow and pain that they are carrying. You cannot perceive every wound that others cover. Err on the side of compassion and hope instead of skepticism and conspiracy. Be ready to assist when called upon, and at the same time I hope you discover the strength that is to be found is asking for help. Lift others, but also allow yourself to be lifted. This is going to be needed as much as a vaccine or a treatment, and this is something that you can do.

The New Normal

I have tried to write this several times now. Let's see how this attempt goes.

Covid-19 has hit this world hard. It has hit me hard. At the start of the year, this was yet another pandemic that affected mostly people that are far away from me. In February we noticed that things were getting more serious. Then, a week before our Spring Break was to begin, schools in our province were closed. Church was cancelled for the foreseeable future. I found myself in a 14-day isolation due to cold symptoms with my wife and daughters, and I had to adjust myself to a new normal. It's been three weeks since this all hit close to home, and I have to admit that I am not enjoying it. 

The world is changing, and changing fast. I have always found change to be difficult. The bigger the change, the bigger the challenge for me. I now have to teach through a screen, and I don't know what that is going to look like. Church is at home, with some family members coming in via the internet. Birthday parties are going to be different for the girls this year. Heather and I were planning on celebrating our 10th anniversary this year with a trip to Orlando, and that is looking more and more likely that it will be cancelled. The Celine Dion concert that Heather and Hope were planning on attending late this month has been postponed until further notice. Friends and colleagues have been laid off work, others have had to close their businesses, and some are on the front lines fighting this pandemic. Terms like "social distancing", "self-isolation", and "temporary layoffs" have become commonplace. And people are dying. Joe Diffie, a popular country singer during my high school and university years, passed away two days after testing positive at the age of 61. So far, that is the closest that this virus has come to taking away someone I knew, but I worry that it will hit closer before it is all said and done.

Physically, we are doing well in our home. Kevin is still able to work. Heather has started posting lessons online. The girls are doing as well as can be expected. Mentally, however, is a different story for me. I first felt it the day my self-isolation ended. I went shopping, starting at Walmart. When I was done there, I went to my car and had an anxiety attack. The eeriness of everything started to hit home, and I did not know what to do. I do not even know why I am feeling this way, or how to best cope with it. I don't have good days and bad days, I have good moments and bad moments. I read and play games and do puzzles to distract myself, but then I have to get to work. I not only am concerned about my students and colleagues, but about my church family, my friends, and my actual kin. Aside from a nephew who likely, but has not been confirmed to have it, nobody in my family has tested positive for Covid-19. Nobody I know personally has either. That will likely change before this is all over, and I worry for those I know that are the most vulnerable. 

With church I have been asked to help track everyone in our ward with their physical, mental, financial, and spiritual well-being. I am trying to help bear the burdens of others to the best of my ability. I have to admit that in doing so, I am feeling the weight myself. Not since my divorce so many years ago have I felt this burdened. I am also aware of particular students who have had struggles of their own over the last several weeks, and how this situation may be affecting them. I also worry that things will get worse before they get better. I suspect that they will, but still hope for the worst-case scenario to be far off from what will actually happen.

So, simply put, I am struggling with my mental health during this difficult time. A part of me wonders why, as I am still fully employed, in good health, and well-stocked in toilet paper. We have internet, phones, and lots to do. I know this will be temporary, but I still feel like I am being overwhelmed. I know there are others who are in far worse situations, and I am not privy to the struggles that others are experiencing. I cannot, however, diminish what my feelings are in this. As someone posted on Facebook today, we are all in the same boat, but we are not all experiencing the same storm. Each of us is being negatively affected in some fashion, and the struggles of myself should not diminish the struggles of others, nor vice versa. We simply must each find our way through the storms, and throw out the lifelines to those whom we can reach.

I have had an abundance of those lifelines, even today. A cherished colleague sent me a funny Star Trek picture (it's included in this blog). A member of my ward who I have always enjoyed talking to called me up today. His in his 80s and often tells me stories of his life, which he almost always apologizes for "boring" me with them, but boy, did I need it today. When I heard that some of my colleagues who provide such essential service to our school were being laid off today, it sent me in a bit of a downward spiral. As I was putting Barbara to bed, I felt I needed to tell her that I was struggling and that I was sorry for not being my typical upbeat self. She went and grabbed three special stuffed toys. These toys were three that I had as a child, and many months ago gave to her. She handed Barney Buffalo, Susie Rabbit, and Bob the Bear to me and said "Here Dad, you need to give these guys a big hug. In fact, you can sleep with them tonight if you want. You may need them more than me." How blessed am I to have a daughter like this? 

This is the main point of my writing tonight. Yes, I am struggling. I cannot deny it. I miss friends, I miss students, I miss church, I miss the classroom, and I miss the old normal. Yes, it is possible that someone close to me will contract this virus and have some serious issues, maybe even life-threatening. With all the negativity in possibility, I know that these changes in my life must be. If not, then my 80+ year old friend that I spoke with today might not make it to the summer. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law who have immunity issues might be hurt. More and more difficult choices may have to be made. If I want the old normal to return, then we all have to make these changes. Bad things will come, but there are so many little tender mercies that are given to us that we will endure and emerge stronger. I want this to be a message of hope, which I am trying so hard to cling to. Find the joys in life, and don't let go of them. Call up those that you care about and let them hear your voice. Don't hide your struggles, but accept them. Bring joy to your life in whatever way you can, and share them with others (it just so happens that a former student is currently live on Facebook and is sharing his DJ skills while I am writing this). Just hang in there, as this too shall pass.

See the blessings in the storm. I see a wife who is so strong and supportive of me, even when I tell her I need to be alone and cry for a bit. I see daughters who still have dance parties and build a story fort. I see friends who brought us groceries during our isolation. I see colleagues who wear silly hats and masks during our Zoom meetings. I see people who are facing their own financial struggles during this still bring out the support to others with a smile on their faces. I see a teenage boy who dutifully shows up to the Safeway he works at to keep our shelves full. I see a friend who is a doctor putting in so many extra hours to treat those who are sick. The blessings are there, but if you are having some trouble seeing them, then call out for someone to bring you a light. 

2020 Vision

Another year has come and gone. As is customary, people are making predictions and resolutions. With a new "decade" starting (although, whether or not we have started a new decade is still up to debate) there is an increase in excitement. People are looking forward to things being exciting and new. For us at the Andrews household, we too are looking forward with anticipation, but as always, I take a look back at what happened to measure what is likely to come.

My writing really took a hiatus this last year. I learned a lot about finding balance, and trying to write when I had little I wanted to write about just did not seem to be a big enough motivation. My Trek blog went from several dozen posts a year to just a handful. This blog also took a hit. My reasons for writing in this blog are mostly to write something positive, with the occasional addressing of a more serious topic. This last year I really found that I wanted to scream and shout about things and celebrate less, so I wrote less. I found a lot of things frustrated me last year, all of which seem to center on a lack of compassion and a desire to "win" instead of communicating and understanding. People have become so polarized on just about everything in life, and when I have tried to engage in discourse on these topics, I am met with insults, condescension, and outrage. While it is not a majority of people I interact with, it is growing, and that concerns me.

Don't get me wrong, there was a lot to celebrate last year. Hope started kindergarten at FFCA. Barbara took grade 2 by storm. Both girls are growing in their talents on the piano (Barbara has been showing such growth recently). Heather has a new principal at her school and feels much better about her work environment. I took on a new student teacher this year who is showing amazing potential and talent. Two of my favorite franchises reached important milestones this year (MCU and Star Wars). I saw a lot of growth in many of my students and former students, including one who has had her outstanding one act play work-shopped, one who starred in her first professional Shakespearean play, and one who is starting her first play production. It wasn't the most pleasant of years. I had hernia surgery in the summer, saw a Prime Minister plagued with controversy get re-elected because there were no better alternative, and this has led to an increase in people wanting in Western Canada wanting to separate and form their own country. We see politics reaching new lows across the world, and I long for the days when I can trust my elected officials. Sadly, I said goodbye to several individuals who have had a positive influence in my life. So, in short, it's been a regular year, but there has been enough negativity to leave me wanting better.

There have been many tongue-in-cheek comments about this year having "20-20 vision", and I would like to see that more. I would love to see more peace, more compassion, and more of us seeking to understand others. I would like to see less hatred, less contention, and less prideful measurements of the value of others. I would hope that we have learned a lot from 45 years ago, and I would also hope that we will continue to grow and learn even more. I often talk about what I would like to see changed in the world, but really, I can only change myself. I can influence, but ultimately I am responsible for myself. So the things that I want to see most in the world, I will first work to establish those things within my own self. I will have to work at having more compassion, more tolerance, and more respect to those whose perceptions are different from my own. After all, if 2020 is supposed to be a year of clear vision, than I must do what I can to correct my own vision first if I expect others to do likewise, 

How To Come Together

Sorry for not having written anything for a while. All of my writing has taken a hit these last few months, I got out of the groove. Well, time to get back into it.

Shortly after I moved to Calgary, I started a blog (which I since discontinued) called "The Reluctant Voter". It was meant to express my dissatisfaction at how politics in this country works. I stopped it largely because I didn't have time, and I found it to be quite frustrating dwelling on the negative. This does not mean that I lost interest in politics, but writing about it constantly became emotionally draining. I still follow politics, and I still find it discouraging, but I keep up to date on it out of sense that it is a necessary evil. Over the last several years I engaged with friends and strangers alike over political issues, and I sadly found that I got too involved in the negativity. After the last US election in 2016 and the federal and provincial elections in 2015, I needed a change. I needed and deserved better than what I was giving and receiving. I still spoke up when things weren't right. I still engaged in the discourse. What I needed was to reduce the toxicity as much as possible.

Yesterday we here in Alberta went to the polls and elected a new government. We told Rachel Notley and her NDP government that they were a "one-and-done" government and gave Jason Kenney and the United Conservative Party a clear mandate. The election was particularly nasty. Barbara became frustrated because every time she watched a YoutTube video aimed at kids, there were anti-UCP ads from the NDP running. It was frustrating that as a parent my kids were being subjected to the toxic environment of our current political climate. I do not appreciate how NDP supporters were teaching my daughters to hate. The UCP side of things wasn't much better. Seeing how this election was going, I made a choice to mute anything and anyone that posted such divisive nonsense on Facebook. I ended up with a refreshingly positive Facebook feed for the last few weeks. Now that it is over, I had hoped that we could get back to working together as a province at improving things. 

24 hours removed from the results, and things are still troubling for me. It reminds me of what happened four years ago when the NDP won, just that the roles are reversed. Those who voted for the winning team are gloating and those who voted for the losing team are fearful. Same outcome, just swapped sides. A lot of us are just trying to get on with our lives and move forward, but the continued negativity concerns me. The memes still get circulated, the insults still get hurled, and the two sides remain distant. The politicians are saying that they will work together and work for all Albertans, but yet again I have my doubts.

I get the celebration of the victors. The people you wanted to win did in fact win! That should make you happy. Yet why do some feel the need to rub salt in the wounds of those who lost? Why must we look at our political opponents as being less than human? Why do we relish in their tears and worries? Again, this happened four years ago, and it is happening again now. I also get the worries of the defeated. The people you wanted to win lost. They lost big. You wonder if the values and issues that are important to you are going to be ignored. You worry that your way of life is going to be harmed. Those are legitimate concerns. When the NDP won four years ago, I was afraid that charter schools would be hurt and held down. When the UCP won this time, I was worried that fighting with BC, Ottawa, and everyone else in this country was going to put us further back in our economic recovery. Guess what? Charter schools did suffer under Notley's rule. Legislation was passed that put us at a disadvantage. The funding to rebuild my high school was taken away, and only after a great grassroots fight did the NDP give us the full funding (and, naturally, took full credit for it while forgetting that they took the funding in the first place). However, in spite of those setbacks, I do feel that the NDP gained a better understanding about charter schools during the last four years. I do feel that they are more on our side than they were before. So, with the concerns that people have about the UCP, I get it. Your concerns are valid, but be don't get swallowed up in the doom and gloom. Be vigilant when things start to go against you, but be prepared for the realization that maybe, just maybe, things will not be as bad as you feared.

People are asking how the UCP and the NDP are going to unite the people of this good province. Well, here's something to consider: that job belongs to you. Do you want this province to be united? Then you need to take the first step. When the Alberta Party candidate came to our door a couple weeks ago, I held him accountable for his party starting to get into name-calling and fear-mongering labels. I expressed to him my disappointment that members of his party were starting to stoop to the level of the others. It was frustrating when I thought they were a party that were able to rise above the rhetoric and nonsense. You know what, he took it to heart. We had a great conversation about it, and he won our votes. He talked about how he saw good in all the parties various platforms, and that we should be talking to each other and working together. That won us over. I knew he would not win, and that the Alberta Party would not form government, but I wanted to vote for real change. I wanted to vote for unity. When I listened to those who were supporting the NDP, I accepted their reasons as legitimate. I didn't agree with them, but they were not "stupid" for wanting something that I didn't. I made points that they could not counter, and they made points that I could not counter. When I listened to those who supported the UCP, I accepted that they felt that Kenney was the best person to get Albertans back to work. And what's wrong with allowing honest folk to make an honest living? Just because they voted UCP does not mean that they are racist, homophobic bigots. We need to stop associating political parties with the outliers that are attracted to them. The majority of conservatives are not white supremacists, and the majority of liberals and NDPs are not communists. We need to stop thinking that the extremists in every party (and every party has them) are steering their respective ship. We need to be vigilant, but we need to be level-headed ourselves. We need to listen to what people say in the context it was given, not focus on soundbites that can be twisted to soothe our outrage. 

If we want our government to unify us as a province and as a people, then we need to demand the same of ourselves. We need to accept that people will vote differently than us. We need to embrace our differences and stop taking cheap shots at each other. We must extend the hand of compromise and compassion. When we lose, we must resist the urge to hate the victors. When we win, we must resist the urge to mock the concerns of others. That is the difference between us being the good, the bad, or the ugly.