Earlier this week one of my former students posted on Facebook #metoo. I wasn't sure what it was about. As I scrolled down my feed I came across another, this time with an explanation. Women who post this are saying that they have either been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted at sometime in their life. Over the next few days I saw "#metoo" again and again. It was being shared by former students, old university friends, colleagues, and more. I recognized that while many were coming forward and stating what had happened, there were likely many others who, for various valid reasons, remained silent. A couple men that I am friends with shared their thoughts on it. One admitted he had spoken inappropriately of women in the past, the other that he was saddened by it and hoped that nothing he had ever said or done had made people feel uncomfortable. I added my own support, which is what is prompting this blog entry. I stated how in the past my own insecurities caused me to hold my tongue as I overheard some awful discussions about women. We have seen in the last week a once powerful force in Hollywood crash and burn in reputation and credibility as long known truths about his sexual harassment towards women for decades finally "came to light" when it has long been the industries worst-kept secret. And while I am both dismayed at so many women in my life that have endured this horrible treatment and so impressed by their courage in starting the dialogue by uncovering their shame, I cannot help but feel that it will not be enough.
These sort of on-line social media fueled outrages have been going on for years now. Perhaps I have grown cynical in my old age, but I cannot help but feel that these come and go and little ever changes. Schools and concerts get shot up, and gun laws never change. Football players kneel during an anthem to protest police brutality, and critics deflect the issue to soothe their own discomfort. Even with #metoo there are those that will mock it, complain that men are assaulted to, and get upset because their chosen injustice is not being addressed and therefor this one is not worthy of attention. And it continues. So, sadly, I feel that nothing in the long term is going to change in society with regards to this.
And I can't control society.
But I do control myself.
I do have influence I can use.
I can make a difference, albeit a small one.
You see, these movements do not have to cause gargantuan shifts in societal values. They do not have to topple institutions built upon sexual inequality. They only have to cause one high school science teacher to change his own life, and it is not even that big of a change. I just need to make sure that as a father I teach my daughters to stand up for themselves and not allow a man to touch or harass them in any way, that if a man does that he is the one who did something wrong, not them. I can teach my sons to be stand beside women and defend them, not because they are stronger or better than women but because it is the right thing to do. I can encourage students to be more respectful. I can stand up for women when I hear these disparaging remarks made about them. I can believe the brave woman who comes forward and shares her experience when she posts "me too". I can encourage the women in my life to not paint all men with the same brush as the harassers, but that does not mean that men have no role in this. I can own my short comings and stand with those who have been treated unfairly.
Perhaps others will see my example and examine their own life. Perhaps some will come to a realization that they have contributed to this culture when they call the cheerleaders at the football game "hoochie mamas". Maybe they will realize that when they listen to music where the lyrics treat women like objects for their own pleasure that they are in essence disrespecting their sisters, mothers, and daughters, and maybe then they will turn off that music. Maybe some women will find through my words and actions that they have the strength to stand up to the predators and not excuse their deplorable behaviour. There might even be someone that feel motivated by what I said and decide to make a similar stand and inspire others.
You see, we should not try to change society with these movements, because the task is ultimately too big. Instead, we should focus on making the change within ourselves. We should look within to make the world a better place instead of focusing on within others. We should not just stand with women who have experienced these events, but we should stand with men who have always done the right thing. We should hold these men up as examples of what a real man is. We should allow the change to occur within ourselves, and then watch to see if others do the same. We should take a long, hard, and difficult look at ourselves and honestly ask "What can I do better?", and then do it. If we fail in our attempts to change, then we do it again. And even if you are the only one who decided to make the change within themselves and nobody else changes, then know that the world did not have the power to make you a lesser person. Know that you have the strength to be better and that you did it.
Do you want to change the world? Do you want the world to be a better place? Then stop trying to change people. Stop trying to change the world. Stop taking on the impossible task, and do the even more important work on yourself.
That is how we change the world...
...by only changing ourselves.
