40 Trips Down...

The end of June is always a busy time at our place. We have Kevin living with us still, but hopefully he will find a place in Edmonton next week. We had Barbara's 3rd Birthday party combined with the party for our niece Raelynn and Heather's Dad. Yesterday was Dad's birthday (he and Vi are back from Scotland), and Saturday was my 40th birthday. Heather threw a bit of a surprise party Friday evening by having some friends come over. The biggest surprise was Raeanne Bates and her husband Matt (Raeanne was a former student of mine at FFCA when I first started. She and Matt were married last month). It was a fun filled evening. In addition to all the birthday celebrations, we did some temple work on Saturday, and of course there is the whole final exam/end of school year/graduation that comes up. Busy, busy, busy times.

Turning 40 is not that big of a deal for me, but to many others it is. Some see it as a turning point or a milestone, as if this is where any tendrils of our past youth slip away for good. Many see this age as when we start looking at life with fewer years ahead of us than behind us. I personally feel no more special. I feel older physically than when I was 30. I'm slower than I used to be, but thanks to having been working out these last couple years I have felt like I am in much better shape than I ever have been. I feel wiser from experiences I have had, but still feel that I have a lot to learn and much I do not understand. I am statistically half-way through my life, but I feel that I have so much to do and experience that I am excited about growing older. In all honesty, I do not see this age as being any different than most others. 

I have been a bit more reflective lately. As I look back on the last 40 years, I marvel at what I have seen and done. I have been to four different countries, I have witnessed the fall of Communism in Eastern Europe and the fall of the World Trade Center Towers on 9-11. I have lived through 8 Prime Ministers and a couple recessions. I have seen many predictable things happen (prices go up) and many surprises (NDP government in Alberta). I have seen VHS reign over Beta, only to be replaced by DVD. I have seen electric cars, smart phones, and green energy. I have been to Vegas and Disney World, to Castles in France that date back centuries and some of the newest buildings in New York City. I have watched Mother Nature become more turbulent and wreak havoc through fires, floods, and tornadoes. I have seen the miracle of life in the births of my daughters, and felt the sting of death as I have said good-bye to friends, students, mentors, grandparents, a brother, and my dear angel mother. I have gazed at the heavens at the beauty of the Northern Lights, and cast my tears upon the ground at the betrayal of those who had committed to me. I have loved, lost, and loved again. I have lost it all and found that I have gained so much more later. I can testify to both the best and worst of humanity. I have overcome obstacles I thought too large to surmount, and been brought low by simple things. I may not be famous in any notable way, but I have left my mark on those around me. I would hope that for almost all of those times it has been a positive influence that I have exerted. 

 I am realizing that which I have always suspected with respect to that which comes with age. As a youth I often marveled at what those who were older knew. I was eager to learn at their feet. As I have educated myself in this matter, I feel a bit of sadness. So many lessons that were learned through bitter experience in previous generation are being forgotten. People are losing focus on what is really important. I lament the fact that the average size of a house has increased while the average size of a family is shrinking. I miss the days when neighbours knew everyone in the neighbourhood. I find it ironic that the  more connected our technology makes us, the less we connect with each other. Text messages and emails replace phone calls because it's more "efficient". I am also concerned with the level of civility that we show others. Gone are the days where we seek to find common ground. Now it's more important to get the best zinger in. Hatred runs more rampant than ever in my lifetime. We divide ourselves on so many fronts (religion, gender, politics, culture, education, economic status, etc.) that it is of little wonder why so many of us feel alone. Intolerance and racism are still alive and well, no matter what courts rule or who is elected. When one group that has been persecuted gains a reprisal, another group is then targeted and often by the one just persecuted. 

And yet with all of the pessimism I see in the world, I remain hopeful. Despite all the bad I see in the world, I have joy in my heart most days. There are things I know, not just believe, but know, that allow this seemingly paradoxical view. This knowledge began as belief, was built on faith, and grown into a surety. I know that there is good at the heart of most people, we just sometimes get confused as to what that good is. I know that I have a wife who is dedicated to me. I know that this life is not a one-time deal, but that there is something after. I know there is a God who looks over us and loves us. This gives me much hope. I feel that our world is in for a rough and tumble time ahead, but we are a hardy bunch who can shake it off.  I believe that we have progressed in many ways, and we will continue in that general direction. Things might get worse for a while, but I do believe that they will ultimately get better.

Top 10 Time - Top Ten Things I Look Forward to in the Next 40 Years

10. More Kagan! I want more training, and I am not giving up my desire to become a Kagan Trainer.

9. More Trek! A new movie next year, possibly a new series in the future, and definitely at least one more Vegas convention.

8. More Teaching! I love my job. Even when I have the class here and there (like I did this year) that makes me doubt, I still feel the fire and passion.

7. More Barbara and Hope! My children are the greatest adventure I have yet found.

6. More Descendants! Must admit I look forward to grandchildren

5. More Travel! Still got to see more of Europe and Australia.

4. More Experiences With Nature! Yup, I still intend to see a live platypus in person. Maybe even touch one.

3. More Dreams! I have begun writing down some of the more interesting ones in a journal. 

2. More Friendship! Still amazed at the types of people I have been friends with. 40 more years can only bring more.

1. More Love! Honestly, the best part of the last 40 years happened 6 years ago when I met Heather. Hoping that all of the next 40 will have her by my side (and I am not just saying that because she is looking over my shoulder right now as I type).

Weighing In - True Hypocrisy, Real Redemption, and the Search for Justice

I normally do not weigh in on big current topics in this blog, but over the past several weeks there has been one story in pop culture that has been causing me much frustration. The hypocrisy involved in this story is truly disheartening, and I feel that I should say something about it. I am speaking of the Duggar family, and the recent revelation that the eldest son of this family, Josh Duggar, was guilty of sexually molesting five young girls, four of whom were his sisters. This happened while Josh was 14  to 15 years old. Without going through the details, the way he acted was horrible and disgusting, and it broke my heart to know that once again young children were victimized in such a way. The resulting media frenzy and shouts of indignation was expected, and many people called for a boycott of the show. The show has since been taken off of the air, and everyone from Piers Morgan to Sarah Palin have taken it upon themselves to publicly weigh in on the scandal. People are taking sides, and Josh Duggar, along with his parents, is getting a full blasting from all angles.

So why have I waited so long to weigh in on this? Why am I weighing in on this at all? Let me answer the second question first. Let me say I have never watched a full episode of the show. Most reality shows simply do not interest me. My wife, however, is a fan, so I have caught parts of episodes and know enough to have an opinion. While I do not find the show interesting, I did not find it offensive either. I have no problem with a show like this being on the air. In fact, I wish there were more shows that sowed good family values without the profanity and immorality that is so pervasive these days. When this story first broke, I was surprised by the revelation, but sadly not surprised by the response. I weigh in now because I think that although I have never been molested, I have great sympathy for those who have been. I feel that such actions are terrible and is among the worst of such actions. I felt that I needed to say something about what I was watching happen, so I decided earlier that I would write something on it.

So why now? Why not when it first broke? Why not join in the plethora of people who were flooding the internet and social media with their opinions on the story? Simple, I want as much of the facts a s possible before I started to pass judgement, and in a story such as this those facts come with time. I wanted to hear both sides of the story, not just assume I could know what everyone involved was feeling. So I waited. I read. I listened. I had discussions. Now, I feel I have enough information to say something, and I want to address the two biggest issues I feel are at the heart of this.

First: hypocrisy. It is a word that has been batted back and forth in this issue. Celebrity after celebrity, pundit after pundit, average person after average person has used this word. Most of the time it is directed at the Duggar clan. Josh because he professes to be a Christian, his parents because they have been silent on the matter, the sisters for forgiving their brother for their transgression. Over and over they are being labeled as "hypocrites". Unfortunately for those people, they are wrong about their use of the word. A hypocrite is one who espouses a certain value or belief and then acts in a way that is in direct opposition to said value of belief. I do not see that in the Duggars. They profess to be Christian, which many erroneously equate to professing to be perfect. Christians are not perfect. It is unfair to hold such an expectation to anyone. Being Christian means using the teachings and example of Jesus Christ to improve their lives in a way that promotes goodness. Yes, we all falter and make mistakes. Josh made a huge one. Being Christian means we hope to avoid such mistakes, but when they happen, it also means that we seek to make things right. To repent. To forgive. To redeem ourselves.

So if the Duggars are not hypocrites in my eyes, then who are? I ask, why does there need to be hypocrites in this story? I can label any number of people as such, but would I be any different? There have been many names thrown about of people who have admitted to being molesters of children, and some have been championed by those who eschew hatred towards the Duggars, but really, it's not my place to acknowledge them as hypocrites until I have been able to seek out the information that I did for Josh. So I will leave it there for now. All I can say is that I do feel that many are attacking the Duggars more harshly than others because of the fact that what Josh Duggar did as a youth is in direct conflict with the beliefs that they cherish and share now. If Josh had been an atheist, a card carrying Democrat, or one who championed a life of liberalism or immoraltiy, would the outcry have been as fierce? I think not.

This leads me to my second issue: redemption. At issue for me, more than anything else, is the issue of redemption. It has been said over and over that what Josh did to his sisters was deplorable (which I agree with), evil (again, agree), disgusting (still agreeing), and unforgivable (THAT I do not agree with). I agree with my whole heart that those actions were wrong, but I cannot accept that he is beyond redemption. Let us look at the facts, shall we? Josh Duggar did this as a youth, which the law states should be treated differently than if it happened when he was an adult. This is not a "kids will be kids" argument, but there is evidence that suggests to me that kids, even 15 year old boys, do not always fully grasp what the implications of their actions are. That is where parents come in. While many disagree with how Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar may have handled it, let's not assume that we would have done things differently. And while I am addressing the topic of the parents, let us point out a few things here on how they handled it. First, they listened to their son (not too bad a start). They disciplined him. When the behaviour continued, they took action to both protect their daughters and to get help for Josh. Again, while many may state that they should have done things differently, there is no truth in the idea that this was a cover-up on the part of the parents. They spoke to the police, and things were handled. So I feel that the parents did the best they knew how to do, and nobody can rightfully accuse otherwise.

So Josh spent time away from his family, getting counselling, and learning how to change and be a better person, to avoid such actions again. Before he married his wife, heck, before they became engaged, he told her everything that happened. She forgave him. The sisters he molested have forgiven him. His parents have forgiven him. Anyone who seems to be directly affected by this (with the possible exception of the fifth victim, which is still a missing piece of the puzzle), has forgiven him. The records were sealed under court order to protect not just him, but his sisters. So when the dirt was spilled, the darkness revisited, and the victims re-victimized, countless voices called for the head of Josh Duggar on a silver platter. This is my greatest concern with this story: a man cannot find redemption. Why was it so easy for people to forgive others, but not the Duggars? If Josh has truly changed his ways and is no longer doing such things, why can we not leave him be? If people are truly looking to protect his victims, why are they not raising a bigger outcry over the fact that these sealed records have been leaked and opened, forcing the girls to relive their pain

I noticed a cover of a magazine that was spear-heading the attack on the Duggars. One line caught my attention. It read "Doctor says Josh Duggar will always be a sexual predator". While I always find it amusing that most tabloid magazines will find one run-of-the-mill "specialist" who has an opinion that works for their story and then run with it as if this person speaks for all of humanity, let us assume that this doctor is correct. Does that mean that Josh will eventually recommit those heinous actions of his youth? What if it is true, that he will always have those temptations? Does that mean that he should be locked away for life? Does that mean that he deserves to have his life, the lives of his family, forever destroyed? Nope, not in my books. We look at someone like Robert Downey Jr., who has battled substance abuse most of his life. He did some pretty bad things that damaged not only himself but a lot of people around him. He did jail time for his crimes. And he redeemed himself. He got help, made amends, cleaned his life up, and stayed sober for many years. Why did people flock to forgive him? Is it because he is a Holywood A-list celebrity? Is Josh Duggar, as a reality TV Celebrity, not high profile enough to receive forgiveness? A drug addict will always be a drug addict, yet we celebrate their years of sobriety as a testament to them having conquered their demons. So again, why does Josh Duggar not get the same treatment. Again, I can't help but think if he was anyone but a reality-show high profile devout Christian, he would.

I am well aware that there are those for whom sexual molestation of children is an extremely sensitive subject, and they may find it hard to trust, believe, or forgive those who have been accused of such behaviour. They could say that Josh Duggar is, always has been, and always will be a molester. So be it. Quite frankly, they are entitled to their opinion. I am not saying that Josh will or will not offend again, If he does, then he must pay the price for those transgressions. What I am hoping for is that people will extend the same courtesy we would hope for ourselves with our own past transgressions. I hope that some who throw rocks at Josh from their glass houses will pause a moment and ask themselves what they want to accomplish in this. I pray that Josh does not do repeat this behaviour, but I worry that with so many people condemning him without really listening to his side that the pressure will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. That will in no way take away any accountability on his part, but I have heard from recovering addicts that they are far more likely to slip back into old, destructive behaviour if they perceive everyone around them as constantly expecting it and not wanting them to have a second chance.

In the end, I hope that this story will fade away and eventually be forgotten. I hope that Josh Duggar can fully get beyond this. Whether or not it was right that this be brought into the public eye is irrelevant now.What is relevant is what we do next. I know there are those who will always hate the Duggars for Josh's actions, but I feel they were hating them before these came to light. Some who are Christian have turned their backs on the Duggars. To them, I remind us all of the parable of the unmerciful servant that Christ gave us in Matthew 18. In this parable, the story of a servant who owes his Lord a large sum of money begs to have his debt forgiven. The Lord forgives him the debt, and the servant goes to one of his fellow servants and demands that his colleague repays a much smaller, almost insignificant debt. When the fellow servant says he cannot, the first servant throws him in prison. When the Lord hears of this act of unmerciful behaviour, he calls the first servant wicked and throws him to the tormentors. In the last verse of the Chapter, Jesus tells us all: So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.


If I, who have not committed such grievous sins as Josh Duggar has, deserve forgiveness, then it would be a greater sin to not forgive Josh Duggar and his family any wrong-doing they may have done. I will let the Lord decide on their case, and let them be. I hope those who read this will do the same.