Refusing to Learn

It was an election like none other. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were the two least popular individuals to compete for the White House and the seat of President of the United States of America. Both main parties put forward a candidate that was heavily flawed, mired in corruption and scandal, and the rest of the world looked on and wondered if the USA had gone insane. Accusations of rigged elections, voter suppression and intimidation, and sins decades past were paraded across the stage. In the end, when the dust settled, Donald Trump defied the odds and became the 45^th elected President of the United States. In my own personal opinion, never has a man so unqualified reached such a lofty height. Despite my disappointment, this was a fair and democratic election, and though I wish the outcome had been different (I was hoping for independent candidate Evan McMullin to pull out the ultimate miracle), it is done and in the history books.

More than any other election, 2016 will go down as the election with the most fear-mongering known in modern US history. Not since the Civil Rights movement have racial tensions been so high. Both sides of the election seemed to bring out the worst in people, but I would have to say that on the Republican side we saw the worst of the worse. Trump and his most ardent supporters mocked, persecuted, and insulted a wide variety of groups. From women and sexual assault victims, to Muslims, Jews, and Mormons, to Mexicans and even the disabled, Trump spoke his mind, which led to others speaking their minds. As a result of last night’s election, many people in America felt something they had never felt before on election night: fear. It is that fear that I wish to address in this post. It is something I can relate to, though not necessarily to the extent that others are feeling right now.

As a result of last night's election, many people felt something they have never felt before on election night: fear.

As many of you reading this know (or maybe don’t know, as who knows how far this will go), I am a teacher by profession. Like many of my colleagues, I develop an attitude of care and concern for the well-being of my students. I often refer to my students as “my kids”, which started before my own children came into my life. I acknowledge that for many teenagers these days there is a lot of high idealistic hopes that have yet to be tempered with life experience. This can lead to many of my students developing concerns that too many adults brush aside as being the exaggerations and anxieties of youth. I am not one of those. It was not too long ago that I was a teenager or a university student (OK, it was a long time ago, almost half of my life ago, but I still remember it), so I understand how these feelings can affect a person. They affect all of us to different extents. Some of us adults have just become very adept at killing those feelings, leaving them a bit emotionally muted on the inside. In other words, we all deal with those same feelings in different ways. It was the concerns of a former student expressed on social media that has prompted all of this, and for that I am thankful to her.

One group that is feeling very concerned are Muslim Americans. This is the religion of my former student. She shared an article about how Muslim-American women were now afraid to wear their hijab in public for fear of their safety. It was heartbreaking. To use intimidation to cause a person to feel that they cannot worship God as they wish is simply wrong. I gave an encouraging message about being extra vigilant to stand against prejudice and intolerance. She then asked a poignant question.

“How do you educate those who block it out though? Who refuse to learn?”

How do you educate those who block it out?

A very good question indeed.

I gave a slightly longer reply, but the wheels in my head just kept turning. It was one of the moments for me when I just had to get typing and put these thoughts to words on paper…er, screen, I guess.

First off, if you are one who is thinking of typing up some sort of response or comeback, claiming that my student is acting the victim, or that people who are fearful should grow a pair and accept the results, stop whining, move back to wherever they came from, get over it, cry you a river, I have a simple two word request for you: stop it. There is a time and a place for that sort of thing, and this is neither. If you can’t handle that, then stop reading this now, because you may not like what is to come. By not being able bite your tongue with a smarmy comeback to people who are legitimately hurting I am not sure you are presently in a frame of mind to responsibly and maturely have a dialogue with me. If you cannot respond with any sense of compassion in this, then I ask you not to respond at all. Chances are you do not know what it is like to wake up fearful of the world you live in, and for that you should be grateful. If you think you have and are still thinking such thoughts, then perhaps your experience pales in comparison to what millions of people are feeling right now. And if you still think you have a right to tell these buttercups to suck it up, then chalk it up to a middle-aged bald guy who has an understanding of waking up each morning afraid of how the world is going to treat you. Maybe in your eyes I haven’t yet fully healed from that myself. If you think I am pandering to “victims”, well, you have that right, I suppose. Just understand that in this forum I will exercise my right to delete your boorish and insensitive comments. If you have a problem with that, then I suggest you grow a pair and accept the results, or just suck it up, Buttercup.

My response is not only to those of the Muslim faith that feel threatened by this development. It is to anyone who feels that with these election results that America has rejected them. It is for those of us who were on the “winning side”. For those of us who were looking in and wondering “what the heck is happening?” and were shaking our heads, trying to wake up from a trip to Bizarreland.

Most of all, this is for RJ.

How do we respond to those who refuse to learn? How do we deal with those who seem to be intent on hanging on to their misconceptions and fears? How do we get through to those who are so wrapped up in their comfortable misgivings towards those who look, believe, feel, or act differently? More importantly, how do we move forward when others try to stop us from doing so?

I do not claim to be the smartest, wisest, or most knowledgeable man to have walked the Earth, but here it goes. This what we must do with such people.

First, be firm. Hatred of this nature brings nothing that is good. When confronted with such hatred, we must be firm in our resolve to stand against it. We must make the stand whenever we encounter it. We may be standing beside someone else, in a group, or even standing alone, but we must stand. We must make sure that at the very least while we are present we will not accept that hatred of this kind has a place.

When confronted with such hatred, we must be firm in our resolve to stand against it.

Second, be brave. Making stands such as this will seldom be a matter of convenience and will often require great courage. Know that each time you stand makes you stronger for the next time.

Third, respond with love. This is hard, believe me. When a person will not see you for who you really are, it is easy to return hate for hate. That is the road that these individuals know all too well, and it likely has made them miserable. If nothing else, you have taken the high road. In all of the religions I have studied I have found a common thread that God, however you view Him, loves us all as His children. I have found that the best way to show love to others is to do good to them. Serve them. In my church we have a story of a goodly king named Benjamin who taught that when we are in the service of our fellow man we are in the service of our God. One of my favorite lines from the Quran says to compete with each other in doing good. So when these people refuse to accept that Muslims or whatever group you belong to are good, then prove them wrong with your love and actions.

Prove them wrong with your love and actions.

Fourth, forgive them. Regardless of what you believe in, forgiveness is essential for a happy life. Whether or not you think it is a commandment from God, forgiveness helps heal your soul. Something that may help in this is understanding why this person feels the way they do. Some have been raised with this mistrust because of the traditions of their parents. Others have had difficult experiences when younger that have left a sad scar upon their souls that has had trouble healing over the years. Many seem to find comfort wrapping themselves up in their fears of that which is foreign to them. It seems illogical, but it is nonetheless real. When you know where they have come from and understand a little of their journey, you will find that forgiveness and compassion towards them will grow within you. They will feel that from you as well. This is one of the most effective tools at breaking down those walls that they have erected around their souls.

Forgiveness helps heal your soul.

Fifth, recognize your own refusals to learn. One thing made clear to me in this election is that people are fed up. They are fed up with racism, prejudice, corruption, and intolerance. Understand that this is felt by both those who voted for Trump and by those who voted for Clinton. You see, we all have misconceptions of others. It is easy to point out those to others, but it is another to see them within ourselves. As we work on ourselves, we open our eyes to better understand where this comes from. We must try to make ourselves better, often in spite of those who rage against us.

As we work on ourselves, we open our eyes to better understand 

Finally, accept some truths. One truth is that not everyone will accept you. Their journey to understanding is just too hard, or they are too unwilling, or unable, or just enjoy being a jerk too much to learn. Leave them be. If you have done the other things, then you are a better person for it. Accept that you cannot change Trump and his most deplorable supporters. Accept that some people will be rotten to the core for the rest of their miserable lives and will always hate you for who you are. That is the truth. I asked my four-year old daughter how to deal with people who are mean to you. She said “tell them to stop, and if they don’t stop, just keep trying”. Wise words, but they are colored by the beautiful naivety of innocent youth. At some point, you wash your hands of these people and move on. If they cannot see your worth and beauty, then they deserve to share in none of it. Your life is more important. When it comes to anti-Muslim sentiments, I have made the stand that cost me some friendships. Yes, it hurt. That is life, and sometimes life hurts. I will not sacrifice what I know to be right just to hang on to a relationship with someone who attacks others out of hatred or ignorance. If they will not let go of their hatred, then sometimes we have to let go of them.

If they will not let go of their hatred, then sometimes we have to let go of them.

One last truth to accept. You are not alone. In the Bible, the prophet Elisha was speaking with a servant of the King as an enemy army encircled their city. The servant lamented that the enemy was so large in number. Elisha told the servant to “fear not, for they that be with us are more than they that be with them”. Elisha then prayed to God and asked Him to open the eyes of the servant, who then saw a heavenly army with chariots of fire were surrounding the enemy in far greater numbers. Again, regardless of what you believe, know that there are far greater numbers of people that stand with you on this. In regards to this election, while I understand that it can be an interpretation of rejection by a whole nation, do not forget that even though she lost the election, Clinton won the most votes. Add to that all those who voted third party, far more people rejected Trump’s hateful rhetoric. I even believe that a significant number if not a majority of those who voted for Trump do not share those beliefs. Those who refuse to learn are in the minority, and while being in the majority does not instantly mean that you are right in all things, I like to think that in this case it does. If nothing else, know that I stand with you. Even if I’m not physically standing beside you, I stand with you.

So, in short, stick to your guns, be brave, be patient and forgiving, love beats hate, some fools never learn, and you are not alone in this. Hmmm, maybe I should have just said that. Ah, well. Sometimes I just like to hear myself type. 

Dear Americans

Dear America,

Last night there was a debate. The night before there was a video leaked. The weeks leading up to that there was a man who was determined to become the President of the United States of America. For months, this man has made a mockery of the American electoral system. He has insulted large sections of the American population and the world in general. He has shown utter contempt for his peers and the American people. He has run a campaign on hate, lies, division, and crudeness. With the video that was leaked a few days ago, he showed his true colors as a misogynistic bully, liar, and racist excuse for a human being. He offered a forced apology, likely being more sorry that this video surfaced. He then tried to blame the husband of his opponent for doing worse and tried to deflect the blame as locker room talk. He showed no real remorse, and he stepped up his hateful rhetoric. He basically continued his pattern of destructive behavior.

Since he entered into the race for the White House, I have been opposed to Donald Trump. I thought he would be a flash in the pan candidate. He would be here and gone very quickly. I was wrong. He groped and clawed his way to the top of the Republican ticket, like he has groped and clawed his way to the top of everything in his life. He has done so without integrity, honesty, or decency. He has taken advantage of every tragedy and calamity to further his own agenda. He has no desire to make America great again, only to make himself great. He is a fraud, a failure, and a disgrace, and he thinks he is God's gift to his country. He has only apologized for his behavior all those years ago when he was caught on video. He bragged about approaching and pursuing married woman, and gloated over the fact that he could get away with it. He has never shown any true remorse for anything else he did. He has no plan, just grandiose statements about how great his plan is. He shows no details because he has none, but he is playing the greatest slight-of-hand trick on America the world has ever seen.

The most frustrating aspect of his horrid campaign is that people in America are buying it. True, every day more and more of his supporters abandon him, but there is still a chunk of my American neighbors who are still drinking his Kool Aid. What is so frustrating is that despite the horrible things he has said and done, people still defend him. Most recently, with the lewd videotape of his being released, I have heard some disturbing chatter about it. His defenders say that every man has spoken like that about women in the past. Every locker room in the world has had those conversations. It's not a big deal, and that attitude is the biggest problem of all. Trump saying it is disgusting enough, but to have Americans try to defend it by glossing over the crudeness as just "guy talk" is another indication of the epidemic of corruption in society. If Donald Trump has made it all the way to the POTUS election, and he was placed there with the support of the American people, then the corruption of American politics has made its way to the voters.

Let me set the record straight on "guy talk" in the locker room. Not all men have participated in it. I never did. My father never did. My father-in-law never did. I can continue with the list, but I would not participate in such horrible talk. I would speak out against it, which is likely one reason I was bullied in high school. I go to a gym regularly as an adult, and I never hear such talk. When people try to brush the severity of what he said aside as being "normal" they contribute to the hate and vulgarity that makes up this so-called locker room talk. They are as much a part of the problem as anyone else, maybe even the bigger part of the problem. If we rationalize what Trump said, we are part of the problem. If we confront it and condemn it, we are part of the solution. There is one type of man who would say such stuff like that. In my opinion, those types of people that accept that kind of talk as being normal and just words are truly epitomizing the word "deplorable".

So to the people of the United States of America, I ask you to take stock of your personal character and integrity. If you support Donald Trump, then stop excusing his behavior. Stop rationalizing it as "locker talk". Stop saying that this is just the way his generation was raised. It wasn't. You want to support your candidate? Than own up to his short comings. When you say "But Bill Clinton did..." or "But Hillary said...", you are deflecting the issue. When you do this, you are slapping the face of every woman and girl who has been sexually assaulted. When you brush aside his comments as being in the past, you are sweeping the tears and shattered lives of decades of mistreatment of women under the proverbial rug. This needs to stop.

By stating this, I am not discounting the deceits and issues associated with Trump's main opponent, Hillary Clinton. Her hands are far from clean in matters of integrity. That is something that her supporters are reckoning with. Instead, I am asking the good people of the United States if America to consider the decision that you will make in November very carefully. If it were up to me, I would have Trump suffer the greatest defeat in modern history, but it is not up to me. What I will say is that everything that Trump has said and done, every way that he has acted has set the poorest of examples for my children, my daughters, to tolerate, let alone accept. I am not just speaking of his blatant disregard for women, but for Muslims, Mexicans, the disabled, Americans of African and Japanese descent, and others. There are so many reasons to not support him in his bid for the highest level of power in the free world.

I would love nothing more than to see his complete and utter defeat in the upcoming election. However, in the fairness of democracy, I will concede that there are those who feel that Trump is the best candidate. I will concede that little that I could say will sway those minds that feel that Trump should be in the White House. Those who will place their mark by his name do so for a range of reasons, from an honest belief that he is indeed the best man for the job to his only redeeming quality is that he is not Hillary. If you choose to vote for this man, then I ask you one simple favor: own him. Own what he says and what he stands for. Own his misogyny, his racism, his lies. If you really feel that he is worthy of your vote, then stop the excuses, cease the deflections, and own him. Stop pretending that he is a saint. Stop brushing his sins under the rug. If you think that is what Clinton supporters are doing, then take the high road and be better. Accept that Trump is flawed and own it. Every time you refuse to own it, then you compromise your integrity. If you can't own what he truly is, then you will not make America great again. You continue its downward spiral, and it is spiraling. This election is the latest symptom of our western society in moral decay. If you feel that the best thing that you can do is vote for a man who is intent on stepping on the necks of anyone and everyone who gets in his way, then vote for him, but don't try to delude the rest of the world by stating that he is a good person. His own running mate has admitted that his comments are indefensible. He owned it, for better or worse. I may not respect your choice in candidate, but I can respect your choice if you just do that one thing.

Just own it.