Forgiveness or Madness

I sometimes wonder if the world is truly going mad. 

There have been some great changes in society recently. There have been an empowerment of those who have been oppressed. Children who have survived horrific school shootings are taking their story  with a conviction that I haven't seen in a long while. Women are standing up and putting men who have used a long-standing and toxic culture in their place. Yet, in spite of all of these gains, I fear that we are swinging into another extreme where those who are fighting for justice and equality are turning into shades of the old Salem witch hunters, turning innocents into evil-doers. I applaud those who make a tough stand, who sacrifice of themselves to bring into the light the dark things of this world in an attempt to make the world better and safer for our children and future generations, but at the same time I worry about the extremes that people are taking this charge. I am concerned that they are turning their fight against extremism to an extreme end.

There are some, I am convinced, that in their own way seek out controversy and outrage, even where none exists. It is as if they wake up in the morning, eager to discover how they will be offended this day. They have become so overly sensitive to the injustices of the world that they take offense at the most innocent of things. This past Halloween my eldest daughter Barbara (who is six years old) wanted to dress up as Moana, one of her favorite Disney characters of recent years. I asked her why she liked Moana so much. She told me that she liked how Moana was brave, intelligent, and saved the world. She also liked how Moana disobeyed her parents, but that's another story. So my wife bought her the costume from Costco. It included a dress and Moana's necklace. She did not wear a wig to cover her blond hair, nor she did not apply dark make-up to her very light skin. She wore the dress over a T-shirt and tights to keep her legs warm. She went to school and proudly told everyone that she was dressed as one of her favorite characters. That is innocent and sweet, and yet there are those who would decry her choice as cultural appropriation. They say that because my daughter is white, she should not dress up like her favorite Disney character who happens to not be white. They would be outrage that a six-year old girl would dare be inspired by a Polynesian princess to the point where she would (gasp) wear the same dress for Halloween. 

Don't get me wrong, I am firmly opposed to the improper, ignorant, and discriminatory appropriation of any culture. To wear religious or sacred garments of other groups in a way to attract attention is insensitive at best, and racist at worst. Thankfully, nobody at her school thought any less of Barbara for her choice of Halloween costume, yet there are those that would have raised a huge outcry over it. While that sort of unnecessary outrage was spared in Barbara's case, there are many other examples where people have made mistakes and are now feeling the full brunt of the Wrath of the Social Justice Warriors. Just this week famous actor Liam Neeson has found himself in the cross-hairs of these new-age witch hunters. Last week in an interview to promote his latest movie, he was asked about his inspiration for the character he played, a character that had a lot of rage and anger. Neeson recounted an experience from nearly 40 years ago. A close friend of his was raped by a black man, and he said for about a week he went around the area hoping to find a black person and kill him. He was full of rage and anger over what had happened to his friend. 

Now, if that was where he had left it, then I would understand the anger towards him. That is not the end of the story. He went on to say that after a week of this, he came to his senses, realized that what he was doing and thinking was wrong, and went about seeking help. He turned to a priest and close friends to help him change how he was feeling and thinking because he recognized that he was in the wrong. He felt regret and remorse then about his actions, and for some reason that part of his story is being lost to the ravenous virtual mob that are demanding his movies be boycotted. His new movie had its red carpet event cancelled because of it. This is a man who made a mistake, took deliberate steps to change himself and atone for that mistake, and as far as anyone can tell has led a much better life ever since then. Perhaps there is more to this story that I am missing, some details that can lead one to believe that he is still a racist, yet those details are also missing from those who have publicly crucified him on the crosses of social media. The demands for his proverbial head on a platter is pure and utter madness. 

I see this sort of attitude all around me. We are quick to judge and condemn others for making mistakes, and yet when it happens to us we beg for mercy and understanding. We see political opponents as the enemy and paint them as monsters, and yet when one from our own political camp is caught doing heinous and terrible things, we defend them and claim that there is a conspiracy in the works. I am not innocent of it myself. I have been wronged and have sought to color the tale of the injustices done to me to gain favor and sympathy. I am not proud of those moments, and I have tried to repair the damage that I have caused. I have jumped on these bandwagons, sometimes unknowingly, to try to persuade others to my way of thinking and voting. I was never successful. In fact, I learned that such attitudes and approaches of shaming others into siding with you often backfire.

Last year I wrote about forgiveness. I talked about how forgiveness is often done to help the person who was wronged to fully heal, and that it often has nothing to do with the person who caused the offense. There is another facet to forgiveness, one that we as a society need to be reminded of. Forgiveness can help the repentant move on as well, and if we withhold that forgiveness we cause harm of equal measure. In a perfect world nobody would ever cause harm to another, but our world has never been perfect. One of humanity's core pieces of identity is our imperfections. We lie, we steal, we hate, we harm. Our histories are full of tale after bloody tale of wars, genocides, and intolerance. We seem eager to fight those we disagree with for no better reason than to feed our sense of destructive pride. We verbally attack those who have demonstrated racism, sexism, homophobia, or any unjust attitude, and yet when one has expressed regret, remorse, and restitution for their past sins, we refuse them forgiveness. That, my friends, is true injustice.

I think of the truck driver who in April of last year ran a stop sign and killed and grievously injured over two dozen members of the Humboldt Broncos junior hockey team in Saskatchewan. His trial was quick as he entered a guilty plea. He has said that he entered the plea to spare the families of the victims having to relive the event. He has stated that he is broken over his mistake. He is not trying to seek a way out. He is facing up to ten years of jail time, and because he is an immigrant is likely to face deportation after his sentence has been served. The past couple weeks I have read the victim impact statements of the families and loved ones of those hurt and killed by this mans actions. Many of them have offered forgiveness to this man, hoping that he can still have a good and positive life. Others have said that they have not been able to find that forgiveness, but that they want to and are working towards it. I am touched by this scenario, even in the light of the tragic events that brought them to this place. The loved ones who are still grieving their huge loss are wanting the best for the man who caused their pain. It should also be noted that this man has plead guilty to a criminal offense, will likely serve time in prison, and due to his immigration status will almost assuredly be deported upon the completion of his sentence. He is not escaping the consequences of his actions, yet the families of his victims are desiring that he can lead a happy and positive life still. They are offering him a chance to move forward from a difficult situation, and this is happening while others demand blood and sacrifice from a person who long ago repented for acting in a matter that does fully square away with their inflated sense of social propriety. 

Why do some of us demand our pound of flesh from those who have made mistakes? How can we call ourselves enlightened or "woke" when we impede the healing of those who have done wrong and yet have repented of their sins? Are some of us that broken that we feel that the only healing we can find is in punishing the past wrong-doings of others? Are they so jaded that they have allowed themselves to believe in the lie that only by continually punishing someone for a decades-old wrong can justice truly be served? I realize that I am attempting to distance myself from them because I truly do not understand this way of thinking. Perhaps I have taken for granted the forgiveness that I have received at the hands of others. I just find it hard to see this perspective when the futility of it is all but crystal clear to me.

In the end, we are all faced with a choice. When one has erred and is seeking to set things right, we can do one of two things. We can choose to let go of our hatred and anger and allow them be forgiven
or we can withhold it from them and cause them to suffer. We can extend the olive branch of hope and healing, or we can slap them across the face to extract our revenge. We can help them along the path of redemption or we can construct barriers that impede their journey.

We can choose forgiveness or we can further descend into madness.

Because I Can - How to Do Walt Disney World

OK, I have been to Walt Disney World (which I shall here after abbreviate as WDW) 4 times, so I don't think I can call myself an expert. Having done it most recently at Christmas time with my daughters (their first time), I did learn a lot about how to get the most out of your trip, and thought it would be fun to recap and provide some insights at the same time. We had a wonderful time, and Christmas at WDW just adds a special dose of magic. I thought that it would be good to write about the trip here, both to share some tips and to keep a record of what we did. When I started this blog so many years ago I was into Top 10 lists, so I'll dust that off a bit and do my Top 10 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your WDW Trip.

In no particular order...

10. Gift Cards - I came up with this idea as soon as I learned that the Disney gift cards are good at their parks. You can load up a Disney card and use them at almost all their stores, restaurants, parks, etc. We did all four parks, stayed at a resort, and did Disney Springs for a day, and I did not find a place that did not accept them. The idea I came up with was starting when you decide to go to put aside some money each month onto a gift card. This way you pay for your food, gifts, and other purchases before you make the trip. You have budgeted what you are going to spend and avoid a lot of unnecessary debt when you come home. We gave the girls their own gift card to spend as they wanted (they both bought Minnie Ears and a bracelet), so your kids have their own spending money for treats and souvenirs (or, I guess in this case, souven-ears!). Being Canadian, the exchange rate only came into play the day we first used a card. Whatever the exchange rate was that day was locked into the card.

9. There's an App for That - In the last few years, I would say that by far the best thing that Disney parks have done is the app for your smart phone. With the app you can get current wait times for every ride and event at every park. You can find every character meet and great with times, find every show and attraction, plus pre-order food at the quick-dine restaurants. It saved us a ton of time. You can also manage your Fast Passes, which again saved us a lot of time. We were able to drop a FP and get something else easily. We could look at our photos (more on that in a moment), make restaurant reservations, and so much more. Get the app and combine it with the My Disney Experience on their website and planning your trip has never been easier (by the way, I am not getting paid by Disney to do this)

8. Down Time - You go on your vacation to relax, and then spend the whole time running all over the parks to the point where you get worn out. Sound familiar? If you end a vacation needing a vacation to recharge, then you need to schedule some downtime. If you are there for several days, I recommend at least one down day. This is especially true for children. Most, if not all, of the resorts and hotels have pools, arcades, and other activities for kids, so take a day to recharge yourselves. The parks can be quite exhausting, and after three or four days in a row you just don't have the energy. This could be a day at Disney Springs where you can watch a movie and do some shopping, or this could be a pool day at the resort. We took the Sunday off to go to church and just relax at the resort after, and our girls were more than ready to do Animal Kingdom the next day. In fact, they were able to get all the Wilderness Explorers badges and become Senior WEs, a feat that the people at the park said was almost unheard of (Hope, age 4, was so cute getting her Senior badge). Another strategy for this is arrive when the park opens, do a bunch of stuff, head back to the resort after lunch, hang out there for two or three hours, and then head back to the park. We did that on our second day at Magic Kingdom. Not only did the girls feel refreshed and were able to go longer, but we missed the busiest hours of the park (typically between 12 and 4). You don't want your trip to be too hectic, so give yourself a break.

7. Do Your Homework - The website for Disney is excellent at planning your trip. They give you so much information. I was using it several times a week leading up to the trip, and it helped me with FP planning, reservations, and which rides to go on. The website gives you an idea as to what sort of things you can do. For example, I learned where to go to get the girls registered for the Jedi training at Hollywood Studios, and that was our first stop at that park. It allowed us to get the time we wanted and help plan the rest of the day. I was able to see what rides the girls could and could not do, which helped us select the best FP options ahead of time. If there is something that the website does not help you with, they have the best people you can call (note, and I found this surprising, there are no 1-800 numbers for this, so it is a long distance call). 

6. Early Birds Rule! - Each park has designated days with early hour admission for resort guests. If your are staying at a qualifying hotel or resort, take advantage of those. We did Magic Kingdom over two days, and the second day had the early hours. Our first FP was at 9 am, and we arrived at 7:30. Before we used our FP, we were able to do Peter Pan's Flight, met Ariel in her grotto, did the Journey of the Little Mermaid, and went on the Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin twice (back-to-back). We then did our three FPs (Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Aladdin's Magic Carpets) all within a couple hours, plus squeezed in the Tiki Room, the Country Bears Jamboree, watched the Christmas parade, and met Tinkerbell all by 1 pm. That was a full morning! The early hours are worth getting up for.

5. Memory Maker - The Memory Maker is a special photo package that is a fairly pricey item, but if you are taking lots of pictures it is definitely worth it. Again, the app is helpful in finding all the different places that Disney has photographers around the park. Almost every character meet-and-greet has one (the only exception for us was Mary Poppins in Epcot), and you can often get magic shots that add a little something extra. You can see the photos on your app a few hours after you get them, you can add borders and stickers to them, and download all of them for over a month after they are taken. Special tip, though. It is important to keep track as to where the photos are taken. We had a photos taken with Chip and Dale at Hollywood, and the next day those photos were missing. Good news is that I emailed Disney about it, provided all the information they needed, and within three days the photos were recovered. 

4. You Can't Do It All, and That's OK - There is so much to do at WDW that you cannot possibly expect to do it all in one day, so don't fret about it. Go and have fun. This is where having a list or two comes in handy. Make a list of the must dos (typically these will involve a FP), and get those in. Keep yourself open to things that just happen (we were not expecting to meet Alice outside the Tea Cup Spin, but there she was and we had our first character experience!), and try something new. If you notice something has a short wait time, give it a go. Take a break from waiting in line and catch one of their many shows. And at the end of the day, if there was something you wanted to do but did not have enough time for, then put it on your list of must dos when you come back someday.

3. Snacks - Let's be honest, even with a dining plan food at the parks can be expensive. There is nothing wrong with bringing a backpack full of snacks and sandwiches for the group. We found that trail mix, fruit bars, cheese strings, apples, and those little oranges are quite good. I myself polished off two bags of beef jerky. It gives you something to do while you wait in line and keeps the budget in check. We found that by bringing along some simple sandwiches you only ate one big meal at the park, and occasionally a breakfast. We did find some nice pastries at the French bakery in Epcot that Heather could have (she has a soy and fresh dairy allergy), so we bought a few for her to have for breakfast. We bought a couple loaves of bread the day we arrived and used those for sandwiches. The girls just wanted jam or honey sandwiches, and lucky for us the resort we stayed at had jam and honey packets for free at their food court. We did treat ourselves to some treats every now and then, but for the most part our food prices were low thanks to some snacks. Oh, and bring a couple water bottles along. Stay hydrated on those hot days.

2. Respect the Cast - The workers, or cast members as Disney likes to call them, are a big part in making your visit enjoyable. Disney goes to great lengths in training the good people that work for them, and they have always done a fantastic job. Sometimes they tell you "no", like when we asked if Hope could go on Star Tours even though she just barely missed the height requirement (by less than a half inch). We got it, and they were cool about it, offering us a way to get both parents on the ride quickly by taking turns with Barbara. Sometimes they can give you a break on something. We ran from Morocco to China at Epcot so we could meet both Jasmine and Mulan. When we arrived at Mulan's stop, the guy had just closed the line. As I was explaining to Barbara (who wanted to meet Mulan more than any other princess there) that we would have to come back, the guy took pity on us and let us stay in line. We got our photo with Mulan, and the guy was also helpful in giving us some tips on how to meet other princesses. We found that by being pleasant and respectful to the cast members, they were able to do their job better. We met a wonderful lady at the Nemo Aquarium in Epcot who was a retired teacher. She and I had a great conversation about caring for the animals, and she was able to talk to my daughters about the importance of aquariums when my eldest daughter commented that it was mean to keep dolphins in captivity. This lady treated my daughter's comment with respect and dignity  and patiently explained all the good that aquariums do. My daughter left with a better understanding about these things, and I am grateful for this lady taking time to talk to my 6 year old like a person. One noteworthy tip is being ready at the security check points by having all the zippers on your bags and backpacks open before it's your turn. Each time we did that the security people expressed a sincere appreciation for that. Talk to the character actors as if they are the characters (you don't want to spoil the magic for others). Say thank you to the people serving your food (I was impressed with how diligent the chefs were when it came to my wife's food allergies). Just be good to the people who work so hard to make your experience as magical as possible.

1. Remember to Enjoy Yourself - Yes, there will be long lines. Yes, stuff is expensive. Yes, there is more to do than you can cram into one day. And yes, your young children will have a melt down every now and then. Mine did, and so did other people's. Take all of that in stride. How enjoyable the trip is will largely depend on the attitude you bring. If the line is long, chat with people in it. I met a nice family from England waiting to ride Prince Charming's carousel. Talked to a lovely couple from New Jersey while eating nachos at Magic Kingdom. It was great! If someone in line with you has a kid throwing a temper tantrum, don't make it harder on the parents by shooting them dirty looks. We are all in this together. Just enjoy the magic of Disney. You paid good money for it, so choose to enjoy yourself.