Tragedy and Compassion

My last post seems to have struck a chord with many of my past students. Not since my first post have I had triple digit page views. I put a lot of thought and passion into that post, and the feedback I have received has been entirely positive. For that, I am grateful. I hope those who read it kept this in mind: while I was targeting one particular group with my post, such feelings tend to creep into our lives from multiple sources, so be ever vigilant.

Sadly, another event has caused me some to do some soul searching recently. Earlier this month, here in Calgary, a group of teenage boys snuck into Canada Olympic Park and went down one of their tracks in a make-shift sled. They crashed into a gate, and two of the eight were killed. To add to the tragedy, the two were twin brothers. It was a sad situation for our city. While I did not know these young men, many people I associate with both at church and at school knew them. They were students at Westmount Charter Academy, so I feel a bit closer to the situation. As stories about these young men began to proliferate the realms of cyber-space I was drawn to the comment sections. Amid the valid expressions of grief, sorrow, and dismay, there were the sadly predictable voices who cried that these boys were idiots, law-breakers, and hoodlums who deserved their fate. When people hear of something tragic, the immediate actions of those involved usually serve as the basis of their initial reaction. That is a typical and natural reaction, and yet there is always more beyond the surface. As this story unfolded, stories of the lives of these twin brothers who had died surfaced. They were described as good kids, full of potential, full of goodness. Some called them heroes. Despite this, there were many who said that what they did was wrong, and therefor they should be universally condemned for their actions that ended their lives. I knew a few individuals who expressed that they could not yet find compassion in themselves for these young men. I get it. They messed up, and paid with their lives. They left behind families and loved ones who now have to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.

This led me to think about an important question: what is the purpose and value of compassion? Why are some deserving of it and others not? Why do some embrace it while others seem void of what is commonly held as a positive trait? I wonder at what point does our immediate action nullify everything we did in the past? These boys did a lot of good in their lives, and made the world a better place for those they were in contact with. Some of my students knew them and spoke highly of them. Does this one deed, no matter how tragic, wipe away all the good they did? The reverse can be asked as well. Does a person who led a life full of bad choices that caused pain for others get wiped away by one final act of heroism? I'm not sure if I can be the judge of that, but I came to a few thoughts about the subject that help settle some of the conflict I was experiencing.

First, it is possible to have compassion for these young men and others like them. Not only do I think it is possible, but it is right. Their mistake, while devastating in its outcome, was one of innocence. Did they know better? Of course they did, but that in no way should cause them to be labeled with extreme harshness. They made an honest error that so many of us as youth have made. They were not the first nor shall they be the last to commit the mistake of believing in teen invulnerability. Because I can understand it, I can keep the idea that their good lives should not be defined by this act, despite the fact that in cut those lives short. So I can have compassion for them, their family, and the ones they leave behind. I can have compassion for the other boys that were hurt in the accident. I can accept that they are deserving of this compassion from me.

Second, compassion is an essential part of forgiveness, and we do not forgive merely for the betterment of those who caused us the harm, but to allow us to heal. Many who withhold compassion from these brothers withhold forgiveness. They may not realize it, but it is true. They judge with callousness, seeing the world in stark black and white detail that robs them of the richness of colour. Quite often they claim compassion, and then spew their rant about how reckless and stupid teenagers are these day, with no sense of respect for anything. Compassion is not throwing salt on the open wound or kicking someone when they are down. It is not rubbing in the tragedy to those left behind that will carry these scars for the rest of their lives. If we are told to forgive others, then that is what we must work at doing. And trust me, for some it is indeed work to have compassion and forgiveness for others. It takes effort. One friend expressed on Facebook that he found it difficult to be charitable towards these young men, but not in a way that was meant to make him superior, but to recognize that he could not find compassion and wanted to improve. That is bravery on his part.

Third, we can have compassion without excusing the action. The young men involved made a big mistake, and they were delivered the most real of consequences as a result. I do feel bad for them, and hope they and their families will find peace, but never once did I say that what they did was "alright". I cannot in good integrity say that what they did was anything but wrong. Where the compassion comes in is not dwelling on those facts more than necessary. I cannot expect the family to move on if I am in their face every minute pointing out what a dumb mistake those boys made. If I were to do that, I would be in the wrong. Instead, we offer love, support, and prayers to those most directly affected. I do not know the family, but I wish I could hug them all right now.

So, looking forward, I hope to have more compassion for those around me. I hope to inspire others to do the same. I see how between this and the last post I made I seem to say some conflicting things. Last time I spoke harshly towards a man and his group regarding their attitude towards women. Those words still stand. I will forgive them, but will actively oppose their brand of filth. The difference between these two situations is that in the more recent ones, these were a pair of brothers who had led exemplary lives and died for making a dumb mistake, while the other involves a man who actively attempts to inspire men to rape and abuse women. So my compassion for the Return of Kings dirt-bags will include hope that they will reform and general "they are human so I will give them a drink of water if they are dying of thirst" compassion. Maybe that is not the perfect attitude, but I do not claim perfection. Until next time.

A Letter to My Former Students

For the past 13 years I have had the privilege of teaching some outstanding young men and women. I have taught them the wonders of the world around them, from the cellular processes to the creation of a human child, from simple motion vectors to the complex chemical reactions that make life possible. In church I have been teaching you about the ways of God, of Christ, and how to become a righteous child of God. In addition to the curriculum of the given subject, it has also been my goal to teach you how to be a good person, to be resilient in life's challenges, to laugh and love with enthusiasm, to value life and support each other and those around you when life becomes difficult. Please know that while many of your names may fade from my immediate recollection over time (I've literally had over a thousand of you sit in my room), when I see your familiar faces it brings me great joy to know how you are doing and what adventure you are on. Many of you have connected with me on a personal level that has brought me much strength. I have stood by some of you as you have faced great struggles and challenges, and unbeknownst to many of you, I have received strength in facing my own challenges. A few of you have said that you see me as a father figure. That means a lot to me.

So let me be a bit of a father figure right now, especially to young men that have sat in my classroom. This is a life lesson that you need to hear right now. It came to my attention yesterday that there is a group of men on the internet that refer to themselves as "The Return of Kings". I suspect you may already know who these guys are and what they represent. If you don't, please allow me to enlighten you. They are disgusting misogynistic men who have an insane notion that rape in the privacy of one's home should be legal. They have a misguided image of what a real man is. It is an image of male superiority that didn't belong in the Dark Ages, let alone the 21st Century. They have a perverted view of what a "real man" should be. To think that such a group exists today is saddening. I was especially alarmed to learn that the founder of this group is planning public meetings across North America, especially in Vancouver, Toronto, Edmonton, Victoria, Ottawa, Winnipeg, Surrey, Windsor, and here in Calgary.

Now, to the young men who sat in a desk in my classroom. You may or may not have enjoyed your time in my class, you may or may not remember anything I ever said or taught, but I hope you remember what I am about to say. Any "man" who associates with this group associates not with men but with cowards. These are not men. They are more akin to cockroaches who swarm in the cover of darkness, only to scurry for the shadows when the light of truth and good is shone upon them. I am shining a light on them now. I know I should show love to all my fellow human beings, but this group is making it difficult for me. Do you know who has been my biggest sources of strength in my life? My mother. My father. My big sister. My wife. My stepmother. My two daughters. My two sons. Nine people in that list, and RoK would argue that two thirds of them are beneath me, that they are less than me, that I should "dominate" them simply because I was born with a Y chromosome and they were not. What utter trash. They would take the souls of these saintly women in my life and demean them. I then look at all of my students, past and present. These are my "kids". I love and pray for my kids daily. This vile group would say that one half of my kids should be able to rape the other half whenever they want. To think that a woman or girl is little more than property or a pet is sickening. To the young men, so many of which have shown me that you get this point I'm making, I ask you to not just stay away from associating with this group, but actively counteract it's putrid message. Treat the women in your life with respect, dignity, care, and compassion. Do not demand that the women in your life bow to your every want and whim. When you see a "man" berate a woman, abuse a woman, or disrespect a woman, I want you stand beside that woman and be there for her. Don't do this because only a man can save a woman, because that is not true. Don't do it because it is our "job" to protect women, because it's not and they are capable of protecting themselves. Do it because it is the right thing to do. You don't have to be like a knight in shining armor riding to their rescue, just be a decent human being who will not stand for this revolting refuse.

To the young women I was teacher to, now it's your turn. Never accept less than full respect from the men in your life. If your boyfriend hits you, he is not showing love. If he tears you down in private or public, he is not showing love. If he acts in anyway that is less than a proper gentleman, be wary. I have not met a single person, woman or man, who deserves to be treated like trash by someone who supposedly loves them. Dump the jerk. You deserve better than that. If you see a friend or sister who is in such a circumstance, be there for them. Pass this message from me along to them: send that scumbag packing. I have seen too many of my kids get hurt by someone who was supposed to love them. These guys think that they are entitled to that which is most precious to you: your virtue. If the man in your life subscribes to the opinions of this group, he needs to be out of your life immediately if not sooner. If that man is your boyfriend, break up with him now. If a man asks you out and he starts to expect that which he is not entitled to from you, tell him "It's not me, it's you" and get rid of him.

My former students, my "kids", I beg of you, avoid this group of so-called returned Kings like you would a plague. Stand up to their disgusting ideals. You will find that these pigs (oops, my apologies to members of the porcine species) may be Kings, but their kingdom is a garbage heap and a mess located in the bowels of disgrace and inhumanity. You are above this. I am calling on you. I encourage you to tolerate diverse ideas and opinions and beliefs. This time, I am saying to not tolerate this one. There is no good in it. I love you all.