My last post seems to have struck a chord with many of my past students. Not since my first post have I had triple digit page views. I put a lot of thought and passion into that post, and the feedback I have received has been entirely positive. For that, I am grateful. I hope those who read it kept this in mind: while I was targeting one particular group with my post, such feelings tend to creep into our lives from multiple sources, so be ever vigilant.
Sadly, another event has caused me some to do some soul searching recently. Earlier this month, here in Calgary, a group of teenage boys snuck into Canada Olympic Park and went down one of their tracks in a make-shift sled. They crashed into a gate, and two of the eight were killed. To add to the tragedy, the two were twin brothers. It was a sad situation for our city. While I did not know these young men, many people I associate with both at church and at school knew them. They were students at Westmount Charter Academy, so I feel a bit closer to the situation. As stories about these young men began to proliferate the realms of cyber-space I was drawn to the comment sections. Amid the valid expressions of grief, sorrow, and dismay, there were the sadly predictable voices who cried that these boys were idiots, law-breakers, and hoodlums who deserved their fate. When people hear of something tragic, the immediate actions of those involved usually serve as the basis of their initial reaction. That is a typical and natural reaction, and yet there is always more beyond the surface. As this story unfolded, stories of the lives of these twin brothers who had died surfaced. They were described as good kids, full of potential, full of goodness. Some called them heroes. Despite this, there were many who said that what they did was wrong, and therefor they should be universally condemned for their actions that ended their lives. I knew a few individuals who expressed that they could not yet find compassion in themselves for these young men. I get it. They messed up, and paid with their lives. They left behind families and loved ones who now have to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.
This led me to think about an important question: what is the purpose and value of compassion? Why are some deserving of it and others not? Why do some embrace it while others seem void of what is commonly held as a positive trait? I wonder at what point does our immediate action nullify everything we did in the past? These boys did a lot of good in their lives, and made the world a better place for those they were in contact with. Some of my students knew them and spoke highly of them. Does this one deed, no matter how tragic, wipe away all the good they did? The reverse can be asked as well. Does a person who led a life full of bad choices that caused pain for others get wiped away by one final act of heroism? I'm not sure if I can be the judge of that, but I came to a few thoughts about the subject that help settle some of the conflict I was experiencing.
First, it is possible to have compassion for these young men and others like them. Not only do I think it is possible, but it is right. Their mistake, while devastating in its outcome, was one of innocence. Did they know better? Of course they did, but that in no way should cause them to be labeled with extreme harshness. They made an honest error that so many of us as youth have made. They were not the first nor shall they be the last to commit the mistake of believing in teen invulnerability. Because I can understand it, I can keep the idea that their good lives should not be defined by this act, despite the fact that in cut those lives short. So I can have compassion for them, their family, and the ones they leave behind. I can have compassion for the other boys that were hurt in the accident. I can accept that they are deserving of this compassion from me.
Second, compassion is an essential part of forgiveness, and we do not forgive merely for the betterment of those who caused us the harm, but to allow us to heal. Many who withhold compassion from these brothers withhold forgiveness. They may not realize it, but it is true. They judge with callousness, seeing the world in stark black and white detail that robs them of the richness of colour. Quite often they claim compassion, and then spew their rant about how reckless and stupid teenagers are these day, with no sense of respect for anything. Compassion is not throwing salt on the open wound or kicking someone when they are down. It is not rubbing in the tragedy to those left behind that will carry these scars for the rest of their lives. If we are told to forgive others, then that is what we must work at doing. And trust me, for some it is indeed work to have compassion and forgiveness for others. It takes effort. One friend expressed on Facebook that he found it difficult to be charitable towards these young men, but not in a way that was meant to make him superior, but to recognize that he could not find compassion and wanted to improve. That is bravery on his part.
Third, we can have compassion without excusing the action. The young men involved made a big mistake, and they were delivered the most real of consequences as a result. I do feel bad for them, and hope they and their families will find peace, but never once did I say that what they did was "alright". I cannot in good integrity say that what they did was anything but wrong. Where the compassion comes in is not dwelling on those facts more than necessary. I cannot expect the family to move on if I am in their face every minute pointing out what a dumb mistake those boys made. If I were to do that, I would be in the wrong. Instead, we offer love, support, and prayers to those most directly affected. I do not know the family, but I wish I could hug them all right now.
So, looking forward, I hope to have more compassion for those around me. I hope to inspire others to do the same. I see how between this and the last post I made I seem to say some conflicting things. Last time I spoke harshly towards a man and his group regarding their attitude towards women. Those words still stand. I will forgive them, but will actively oppose their brand of filth. The difference between these two situations is that in the more recent ones, these were a pair of brothers who had led exemplary lives and died for making a dumb mistake, while the other involves a man who actively attempts to inspire men to rape and abuse women. So my compassion for the Return of Kings dirt-bags will include hope that they will reform and general "they are human so I will give them a drink of water if they are dying of thirst" compassion. Maybe that is not the perfect attitude, but I do not claim perfection. Until next time.
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