It's June. A time for graduation. A time for endings and beginnings. A time for change and a time for looking towards the future. For me, it is also a time for looking back to the past and a time for reflection. It is a time for accountability and recognition. As I look upon the group of students that will be crossing the stage at the end of the month, who will receive their high school diplomas, I have to think of those who are not going to be on that stage.
One of the unfortunate things about teaching is that there are students that, for one reason or another, leave and complete their schooling at another school. Some leave because of other courses that they want to take that we don't offer here. Some leave because of changes in their family life that makes it better for them to go to school somewhere closer. Sadly, some leave because they faced a certain type of hardship that I wish nobody faced at my school. They left because they were bullied and picked on. A handful of their classmates decided, for some unknown rationale, that this student deserved to be treated like trash. They believed stories about the kid without even checking to see if they were factual, and then decided to take it upon themselves that to make their life miserable. When these students leave and go to another school, a part of me cries. A part of me wishes that I had the power to sweep away their hurt so that they can stay. I teach in a school that values good character, and I feel deeply saddened when my students fail that portion of life by bullying others.
It is to those students that felt that they had to leave that I would like to address. I have no idea if you will ever read it. I have no idea if you would even care to. Still, maybe what I will say will resonate with someone. Maybe what I say will help someone. Maybe this will help one person choose kindness over cruelty. One can hope.
I want you to know that I get why you left. I don't like it, but I get it. I support it, even. In many of those cases, as much as I wished that could have stayed that last year or two, I know you left for something better for you. You were not safe from torment here, no matter how hard I tried to make it so. You felt that you needed a fresh start. I agree with you. In a perfect world, I would send away the ones who pushed you out so we could keep the delightful light that you brought to us. Then again, if this world was perfect there would be no reason for you to have left in the first place. In a perfect world, those people would have treated you with the love, dignity, and respect that you deserve. So this world is not perfect, and you left.
I wish that I could have done more for you here. Whenever bullying is brought up in the circles of social media there is a loud voice that demands the pound of flesh from bullies as the only acceptable solution. Schools, in their view, never do enough to stop bullying. What is not understood by these individuals is that it is rarely so cut and dry. Bullies are insidious. They are discreet. They hide in plain sight. They rely on whispers and secret notes, midnight texts and anonymous social media accounts to inflict their harm. Sometimes they falsely accuse their targets as the bully, and it is difficult to tell who is being truthful. When we do catch it, we deal with it as swiftly as possible, but too often it becomes a case of your word against theirs. So while I could not stop them from hurting you, I tried to heal the wounds. I attempted to give you a place and a person that would be a haven for you, but I know that is not always enough. Please know that when you left, I prayed for you. That seemed about all that was left that I could do.
I also want you to know that there is something better that comes. Maybe you already found that. When I was in high school, I did not have the option to leave. I survived thanks to a loving family, caring teachers, and a few good friends. I learned that after I left that place where I had experienced so much hurt that the world was much larger, and that there was a place for me. I could get away from the taunts and harassment and be myself in a way I never could before. I discovered that there are happy endings and joyful moments. I found that more of the world is kinder than what I had known. I learned how small those bullies really were. I discovered that I was stronger and smarter and more valued than I had ever believed. I did hard things and grew from them. I had adventures on my terms, not theirs. I learned that life is more than the gossip and social ranks that perpetuate our lives at times. It sounds cliche, but it really does get better. There will still be bullies and hard times, but you hopefully are learning how to cope. Sometimes it involves making a stand, and sometimes it means going somewhere else. Sometimes it means calling out for help, and sometimes it means just enduring until its over.
So at the end of this school year, I hope that your life is better. I hope that you are happier. I hope that you have learned some of the things that I learned when I was your age (yes, I actually was a teen once). I hope that you will be able to use the pain you experienced as a reminder, that it will help you respond more with kindness than with harshness. Most of all, I hope you remember that I am rooting for you.
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