Well, here I go again, taking a stand on an issue of morality in today's confusing world. What has prompted my little soapbox speech this time? One name that is becoming infamous: Brock Turner. You know, the privileged white boy at Stanford who found a girl passed out and took 20 minutes to rape her. The guy who has become social media's public enemy #1 when he was given a light 6 month jail sentence, and whose father had said that it was a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action. Yeah, that guy. It is not surprising that this story has gone viral and that people are outraged. I just finished reading an article that claims the father has tried to organize a fund raiser to help cover his son's legal fees. So while the court of law has dealt this rapist a slap on the wrist, he is receiving a much harsher sentence from the world of the internet. People are vowing to make his life as destroyed as the life of his victim, promising that he will not get a moment of peace. I have read a story of a young black man who was sentenced for 6 years for a rape he was accused of committing as a teenager and was eventually proven innocent, having served over 5 years of his sentence. The cries for justice are deafening. People are demanding justice, but do not seem content with what they are finding.
Now, before I continue, let me address my own opinion of Brock Turner. He sickens me. He is definitely privileged due to his skin color and socioeconomic status. To hear the judge say that a longer jail sentence would have been bad for the guy gets my blood boiling, and I wonder if this judge is up for re-election soon. I have read the victim's impact statement, and it is tough to read, but worth it. I cringed many times and fought back tears. I shudder to think of this happening to my own daughter, my nieces, my students. It angers me that this 20 year old entitled brat could think that he could bluff his way out of the crime that he had committed. This guy raped a woman and showed no remorse or accountability, and his parents (or at the very least, his father) supported him. And so on and so forth. So many times has this story played out, and the victims suffer more and more for the sins of others while the sinner gets off with a stern talking to or perhaps gets away with the whole crime. I wonder how many other women this piece of human filth has raped, how many other women have been re-traumatized by this story as their attackers walk free. I have spoken with the victim of rape, and it is not something that one easily "gets over". The father of Brock Turner says that 6 months is a steep price for 20 minutes of action, but compared to a lifetime of suffering that this young woman is enduring, 6 months is a trifle.
Normally in court cases I try to see all sides of the story. We often do not have the whole story to look at, and evidence may be withheld. I also advocate for mercy towards those who have committed crimes, especially if they have done their time and are trying to put their life back in order. People can be forgiven for their sins, and I believe that we are expected to find forgiveness for others. Yet in this case I admit freely that I struggle with this case. Perhaps if the boy had shown remorse, or if his parents had not tried to brush things under the carpet. Maybe if his family showed a hint of the public outrage we see now, it would be easier. Forgiving others, I have often said, has more to do with helping the person who does the forgiving and nothing to do with excusing the grievous act, and yet I feel little desire to grant Brock this forgiveness. I also caution against public shaming of individuals because it can easily get out of hand and punish a person more than even they deserve. In this situation, I am inclined to let the faceless masses grab their pitchforks and torches and have at it. Maybe this means that I acknowledge my own limits in trying to be a good person, looking for the balance between justice and mercy.
When these situations arise, I feel powerless. I want to do more than just offer my opinion and voice, but I sadly know not what to do. Perhaps I should just continue on with my life. Sadly, experience has shown that this story will fade from the public's mind. People will get upset about something else, move on to a new cause, and Brock Turner will be able to move on with his life. He will likely con a young lady with his impressive swimming record into believing him that this was all a misunderstanding, and she will fall for it and him. He will get out early for "good behaviour" and end up having Daddy connect him with the right people to get him a future again. All this while his victim(s) will fight to recover, fight to regain a sense of normalcy, and fight to not allow this event to overwhelm them. As the public outcries change direction towards Trump vs Clinton or whatever else grabs the media's attention, she will find herself more alone and in need of support like never before. I may sound pessimistic, but is this not what happens over and over again? Is this not what history shows us will happen in rape cases? It boggles my mind.
So, I guess all I can do is keep doing what I already am doing. I keep telling the young men that come into my life the truth. I tell them that they must respect women, that girls are neither property nor conquests. Sex is something that is supposed to be special, shared between two individuals to both connect them to each other in wondrous ways and to bring wonderful children into this world. It is not something that is a "right" for the man. Sexual consent not only should but must be given, and it must be given freely, without impairment, collusion, or confusion. To take the virtue of anyone is selfish, vile, and criminal. It doesn't matter if her skirt is a bit short or her blouse is too low. If she is drunk or high it is not a good time to get her clothes off. EVER! Stop thinking with your penis. I get it, in the world there is pressure for you to be a stud. Music and movies and video games and celebrities all seem to make life about "getting some", but all they want from you is your attention and money. I get that when you buy into this philosophy you feel powerful and important, but I know that you understand it is wrong, even deep down. Whenever I talk to young men about this attitude they know it is wrong. They tell me! None have ever even tried to argue that this is the way it should be because they know it isn't. So I tell the young men in my life to be a real "man" and show respect to women.
I also talk to the young women that enter into my life. I tell them that they are of value and that they matter. I tell them that if their boyfriend uses the line "You would sleep with me if you really loved me" that they do not understand what real love is and that such nonsense disqualifies them being worthy of your love. I council these young women to be smart when they are socializing, to avoid being alone and to go easy on the drinking. I suggest they avoid places that increase the risk of being sexually assaulted. Never, not once, does it cross my mind that if they do not heed that advice that they are suddenly responsible for what happens. The fault of rape will always be with the rapist. Women have played it safe and still found themselves being sexually assaulted, and it is NOT THEIR FAULT! I only offer the advice because I know that no matter how hard I try to tell young men to respect women, some will not listen. I do not want any woman to experience life as a rape victim. I cannot think of anything that anyone can do that will justify rape as a consequence.
It pains me that when women come forward with allegations of sexual assault that their character gets questioned and attacked. There is no justice in that. It pains me to see how victims of sexual assault can take decades to fully recover from the incident, where their attacker is able to walk the street freely without any problem. There is no mercy in that. I get that there is a reason that guilt is to be determined with evidence, but when a sentence is given the impact on the victims must be accounted for. In the case of Brock Turner, neither justice nor mercy was provided for the victim. This is when the justice system fails.
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