Looking Back While Moving Forward

Another year has come and gone, and also another decade. As always, this is the time of year to sit back and reflect upon what has happened and what is to come. I must say that this year has been one of the most interesting, with many ups and downs. I saw my marriage officially end, a new relationship begin (more in a moment), some great gains, a few sad losses, and much in the way of personal growth. As I ponder about what has happened and what is to come, I must say that this year has had many more positives than negatives, yet regardless of all of that, I am happy to report that I am a much better person today than 365 days ago. I made many mistakes, but I can also say that I made a lot of progress in my personal life. I know that there are many great and wonderful things that await me in 2010.

Of course, the biggest thing to have happened was my meeting a lovely young lady named Heather Swendsen MacDonald. We met online through LDSMingles, one of two LDS dating sites I thought I would give a try. You see, back in July I was getting frustrated with the dating scene. I wanted to meet some people and start getting my social life back into the swing of things. Unfortuantely, there was little going on in the Single Adult scene in Calgary, so I was feeling discouraged. There were several activities, but they were not attended by as many single ladies my age that I would have liked. I met a couple nice ones, but nothing seemed to click. I gave the internet a chance to make some connections, and after a few weeks of looking through profiles and sending out feelers to some interesting candidates, Heather came in as one of the most promising (although at the time I did not feel that much would come of our getting to know each other).

After chatting online a few times, we decided to go on a "date". Dinner and Star Trek (already sounding promising). We got to know each other and, thanks to some interesting circumstances, we found ourselves in love. Only one problem: we both still had our respective divorces to get finalized. so, after counselling with our bishops, we maintained a close yet distant relationship. While we did not always follow the counsel we were given to the strict letter of the law, we did the best that we could do. As of December 18, both of our divorces were finalized and we went on our first official date (complete with first kiss...and many others that followed). While things have moved along fairly quickly, we both feel that we are following the Lord's timeline for us. I have never felt more certain about anything. I have never been more happy and more in love. It is a wonderful feeling, and although we both know that there will be some trials ahead of us with respect to merging our families (she has 2 teenage boys, and I have a dog), we are happy and hopeful about our futures together. Yes, we have already talked about marriage. I'll be sure to post when we are engaged.

There are many qualities about Heather that have endeared her to me. She has everything that I had ever hoped for in a girlfriend and companion. She is caring and kind, beautiful and lively, shy and fun-loving, and she has a great laugh. Most of all, she is able to give me freely what I have always wanted from a spouse: unconditional love, a desire to attend the temple with me, and accepts me for who I am with all the good, bad, and ugly that I bring. She is the dearest thing I have ever found and her love for me is one of my most precious treasures. I have only had a short time to really get to know her sons, but they are really good kids who I am happy to have in my life.

Of course, there have been hard times this year as well. Most of all there was the passing of TJ. I miss him terribly, but I know that it pales in comparisson to how much his beloved wife and children miss him. His youngest son, Hyrum Joseph, was born on what would have been TJ's 31st birthday. While the young child will never know his father personally, he will know of his father through the family. I was happy to get to know TJ's children better this past year (mostly before his passing, but much after as well), and I have promised to do my best to be there for TJ's family in his absence. One of the highlights this year was being able to participate in the blessing of little Hyrum. When it was originally scheduled there was a terrible snow storm that left me in Calgary. Thankfully Shelley reschduled it for Dec. 20, and I was able to spend a delightful day not just at the blessing, but with her entire family. I know that TJ's children are going to be well looked after.

So, for today's Top Ten list, I thought I would list the Top 10 most important events or hapenings of this year in my life. While not all are good, all led to my growth.

10. Learning the true reason for my divorce. I mention this because it reaffirmed what I had worked hard at during months of counseling: the divorce had almost nothing to do with me, but it provided me a chance to make me a better person, a stronger person. When I learned that my ex-wife had abondoned her beliefs to live and embrace an alternative lifestyle, I knew that this ending was inevitable. The nice thing is that I chose to make myself into a much stronger person in spite of what Jen had done to me.

9. Called to work in the primary. In January I had to be released as a seminary teacher because a new job would make it difficult to continue in that calling. Instead, I was called to work in the primary with the 9 year olds. It has been a challenge, and I still prefer working with teenagers, but I have grown to love my calling and the precious souls I teach in that class.

8. Full time employment. On January 31 I started a full time teaching contract with the Foundations for the Future Charter Academy as a high school biology/science teacher. This is a great school, and although I still miss Sir Winston Churchill High, I do enjoy FFCA. I have made some great friends, and have an opportunity to be the Science Department co-ordinator (our closest thing to a department head). I have had many growing experciences prfessionally and personally.

7. Hyrum's baby blessing. That weekend has brought me muchcloser to TJ's family, especially his in-laws. The Richardsons are great people and I am grateful to have them looking after Shelley and the kids.

6. Volunteering at the zoo. This year I was able to be a zoo keeper (sort of) in the summer. I helped out Ingrid, a warm and fun lady, look after the camels, red pandas, pot-bellied pigs, caveys, peccarys, and asian wild horses. I also had a great time helping out at Boo at the Zoo, Zoo Gala, and Zoo Lights. Heather has also started there, and it is a great place to be. I think the zoo is my favourite place in Calgary now.

5. Brent's wedding. Brent, my youngest step-brother, married his long-time girlfriend Pam in August. I took this opportunity to make a solid effort to connect with Violet's children. I can honestly say now that I am glad to have Violet, Matthew, Renee, and Brent as a part of my family. It was a great day.

4. Temple attendance. I attended the temple six times this last year (my goal was four). I have found much spiritual growth in regular temple attendance, and I really look forward to attending with Heather and when the Calgary temple opens up.

3. Rapport Leadership Breakthrough 1. This was one of the most intense and original training sessions I have ever gone through. It was worth it though. I was able to rediscover who I used to be and found a renewed zest for life that still is alive in me today.

2. TJ. While I had always known that this day would come, I must confess that when it hapened I was not wanting it. I had really become close to TJ in the last couple years, and did not want to say good-bye, especially with all the good that was happening in my life. Still, it allowed me growth, and I learned much from my little brother that I have been able to carry on itno all aspects of my life.

1. Heather. Big surprise there. She has become my closest friend, my greatest love, and my most enduring inspiration. I love her so deeply and passionately that I look forward to what the next year brings for us.

Happy New Year everyone!

How Much Fun Can One Man Have on YouTube!

So, after last month's very difficult event, I thought I would lighten things up a bit. One thing that I have been having alot of fun with recently is YouTube. Of course, part of that is the fact that I post videos there, usually zoo related, but I also enjoy some of the fun videos I have found. I have to be careful as it can surely eat up alot of time, but I am impressed with what YouTube has to offer. I look forward to watching old Whose Line clips, being able to watch some of the Family Guy clips that are funny and not offensive (although those can be tough to find at times). I thought for this month, I'd post a list of ten of my favourites that I have found. Feel free to peruse them, and look for others from the same posters. I decided to only include those that were made for YouTube, not just clips from old TV shows or music videos. So here we go with my Top Ten Favourite YouTube Videos!

10. We'll start off with the Injured StormTrooper, as this fan made video shows the never before heard of dilema of a Stormtrooper that is only injured, not dead.



9. I'm A Marvel, I'm a DC. This take of the Mac commercials using everyone's favourite comic heroes has Batman, Superman, and Spiderman debate who is better. Check out the various versions of this.


8. Simon's Cat. Great animation, very true of cats.


7. Sneezing Panda Baby. Very short, very funny.


6. It's Great to be a Nerd. This takes my least favourite character arcs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and makes them awesome with one of my favourite Arrogant Worm Songs. Very well done!


5. A Steve Irwin tribute. One of my all time favourite people that I wish I could have met. One of many great tribute videos. Sometimes, a good slideshow with a good song makes a good video.


4. Star Trek meets Monty Python. There are several really good ones like this, but this is my favourite.


3. The Evolution of Dance. A classic. The follow up is good too, but this is my favourite.


2. The Mysterious Ticking Noise. The Potter Puppet pals have their best episode. Careful, the tune will get stuck in your head forever.


1. Nobody's Watching - Diet Coke and Mentos. This funny duo is best known for their spoofing and critique of popular TV shows, and there are dozens of funny Mentos-Diet Coke videos out there, but combining the two results in my all-time favourite YouTube video.


Speaking of Diet Coke and Mentos, this is an honorable mention...


Feel free to suggest some of your favourites.

A Brother and a Man Like No Other

One week ago, September 20, 2009, the world and the Andrews family lost a precious blessing. My little brother, Thomas Joseph Andrews, finally lost his battle with muscular dystrophy. He was airlifted into the University of Alberta Hospital the previous Wednesday evening fighting pneumonia, and fell into a coma on Thursday. Tara, Bryan, their kids, myself, and the new love of my life drove to Edmonton Saturday morning to visit him. At the time, we did not know his condition, but upon reaching the hospital it became apparent that this was likely the end. I chose to stay longer while the rest went back to Calgary. Dad and Violet had been there since Friday. Kevin and his girlfriend Kelsey came up Saturday evening from being in Calgary for a wedding, and Stephanie and her boyfriend came Sunday morning. My step-brother Brent came Sunday as well. My other step-siblings, Renee and Matthew, were unable to be there, but Violet had a cell phone and had each of them say good-bye to TJ. All of Shelly's family was there, and the conference room in the ICU was overrun by the combined families. Several good friends came to pay their last respects and best wishes. I stayed at Matt Harker's place and had a great visit with him and Eric Peterson at the Institute of religion a few blocks away. It was a sad time, but there was many moments of peace that I had felt.

On Sunday morning, the doctors informed us that there was nothing that could be done. We waited for as much of the family that could make it to get there, and at 4:15 TJ's breathing tube was disconnected. He continued to breathe for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was minutes. His beloved wife, Shelly, climbed up onto the bed beside him during his last moments. He passed away at 4:50 pm.

My brother was such an extraordinary man, although I will always think of him as a kid.

I had Matt come and pick me up from the hospital, and we drove out to Sherwood Park to his parents where we had dinner. he, his dad, and I then went to a stake priesthood meeting, where I informed old friends and acquaintances of TJ's passing. I caught a bus down to Calgary the next day (with a fever from a cold I had caught that weekend), and spent Tuesday resting and writing my brother's eulogy. I returned to Edmonton Wednesday, and went to his funeral the next day. My dad, TJ's father-in-law, Clark Lybbert, and myself dressed TJ for his funeral in his temple clothes.

His funeral was an amazing experience. There were well over 400 people in attendance with many more who wanted to come. We sang the opening hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives", then had the opening prayer. I started things off with TJ's eulogy. Before I began, in what I think was a real treat for my brother, I took off my suit jacket and pulled on an Oiler jersey, and then read my 10 page eulogy to my brother. There were many chuckles during the eulogy, which is what I wanted. I knew TJ wanted us to laugh and celebrate his life instead of mourn and grieve. TJ's father-in-law, David Richardson, then gave his own eulogy to my brother, speaking of TJ's life with the family. TJ's brother-in-law, Corey Hill, rewrote the lyrics to Candle in the Wind and sang it. Afterwards, there were tributes made by my father, Terri Tumack and Paul McGonigal from Musclar Dystrophy Canada (Terri's own son has MD, and Paul represented the firefighters who have taken up MD as their cause), and Jason Miller, who was an old roommate of TJ's. We sang "Come, Thou Font of Every Blessing", and then another former roommate and close friend of TJ's, Jared Pitcher, spoke on the Plan of Salvation. My step-brother, Matthew Leitch, who could not attend, had written a song about TJ and it was played next. TJ's Bishop, Bishop Huff, spoke next, and then we closed with "I Am a Child of God".

TJ was buried at the Darwell cemetery at 6 pm that evening. Myself, Kevin, Brent Leitch, Johnathan Richardson, Corey Hill, and Jordie Woodruff were the pallbearers. Dad dedicated the grave and my little brother was finally laid to rest.

I cannot think of anything else that would sum up my feelings any better than the eulogy I wrote for TJ. It is a surreal time for me now, as I had always known that this day would come, but it just does not seem real that he is gone. I know Shelly will miss him the most, but we will all miss his smile and positive outlook. I personally am grateful for the outpouring of support that I have received, from friends, family, and aquaintences. I am grateful for my colleagues at FFCA High School who have helped me out by looking after my classes while I was gone. I am grateful for the Harkers, Schwarzers, and Lybberts for their support as well as my own family. I am grateful for the Olers, the Dorwards, the Petersens, and so many others who have reached out in sympathy and kindness. I am grateful for the Richardsons for their strength ad compassion. I am also very grateful for Heather, who has been a rock of support for me throughout all of this. Whether she realizes it or not, she has been what has kept me going during this more than anything or anyone.

Eulogy for Thomas Joseph Andrews

Thomas Joseph Andrews, or T.J. as we know him, was born on October 28, 1978. He was born with muscular dystrophy, a degenerative muscle disorder. He passed away because of it this past Sunday, September 20, 2009. While these dates are merely the bookends of his life, it is the almost 31 years in between that I would like to speak on, as that is the most important part of any person’s life. And while all of us mourn his passing and grieve for the loss of such a noble child of God, I would like to honour my little brother’s life with a sense of celebration, hope, and joy. Indeed, I hope that we will all be able to smile and laugh and comfort each other as we reminisce on the life of one who has touched so many, more than was ever thought to be possible. You see, when we adopted TJ into our family, we were told many things that he would not be able to do. As it turns out, TJ did many of them anyways.

I would like to begin by sharing a poem that has come to mean a great deal to me in the past year.

The Dash
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

TJ lived his dash more fully than anyone I have ever known.

T.J. came to join our family in the summer of 1984. He was six, going on seven years of age. He had spent much of his life at that point living in foster homes. My parents first saw TJ on an episode of Wednesday’s Child, a local news feature on television spotlighting children who were available for adoption. I remember how bright-eyed and cheerful he was on this program, sledding down the hill with the news lady. He also showed his love for singing, and even then he would sing at the top of his lungs (and badly out of tune, but as always, he didn’t care). I believe it was his cheeriness and joy for life that first caught my parent’s attention. Mom and Dad knew that this little boy needed to be in our family. That brought the number of kids at the Andrews’ home up to 5; Tara, myself, Kevin, Stephanie, and now TJ. We children did not know anything about muscular dystrophy, and were told that TJ would walk a little funny, not be able to do everything that we could do, and eventually that he would be put in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. We were also told that he would likely pass away long before any of us, but that was not important. What was important was to love him and help him live up to his potential.

TJ did have many challenges growing up. While one would assume that those challenges would largely be physical, many of them were behavioural. My parents struggled in raising him, as he had tendencies to be very stubborn. Mostly they, especially Mom, pushed him to do as much as he could. TJ had his fair share of chores to do around the farm. While Kevin and I did most of the physically harder work, Mom and Dad always found things for TJ to do. Whenever he stumbled and fell, Mom would make sure that TJ would get himself up on his own. Many people wondered about that until they came to understand why my mother did that. My mother would tell them: “If I don't keep on him, he will sit and that is not good for him. I want him to be as mobile as he can so he will be stronger." At Mom’s funeral, TJ acknowledged that he would not have been as active as he was if it hadn’t been for Mother keeping him going and never letting him give up. Mom pushed him to keep his strength as long as he could, and TJ was grateful for that tough love she showed him.

It has been hard for me to decide what I should speak on about TJ. I thought of having a special theme for him, going over what he liked and disliked in life, talking about his past and his dreams, thinking of what made my brother the man that he was. How does one sum up a life that has been such an amazing one? Well, let me start with one of the things that annoyed me the most about him. When TJ started going to the Young Single Adult wards, TJ kept breaking the long-standing, unwritten rule that younger siblings would be known as the brother/sister of so-and-so. I think that lasted all of about 5 minutes with TJ. Whenever I would meet someone, it would always be them asking me “Who are you?”, me responding “Bryan Andrews”, them looking a little confused until someone whispered in their ear, and then that person’s eyes would get wide as they exclaimed “You’re TJ’s brother! I love that guy!” I would then have to endure anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes of this person telling me how much they liked TJ, what he was up to, yadda yadda yadda, and then they would leave, forgetting my name, and just remembering me as “TJ’s brother”. Thanks TJ. I worked hard for three years after my mission to develop a reputation in the YSA wards and in less than an evening I became simply known as “TJ’s brother”. Little did I know how special that title of honour was to become in my life. Yes, I do not think that TJ knew that he was not supposed to do that. That was not the only thing he did in which he did not know that he was supposed to do it, and it did not stop there.

The rest of the family and I tried to be optimistic as TJ started dating, but always feared that he would end up alone. Still, that did not stop him from asking out every young lady that ever walked into the Whyte Ave chapel that he could. And again, much to my annoyance, they never turned him down! There were girls that I could only dream about going on a date with, and here I find TJ out in the middle of the dance floor with her and every other girl he could chase down in his wheel chair every single dance. Watching him dance was something else. He reminded me of a little wind-up toy that never seemed to wind down. He’d be out there, head bopping up and down, often singing out loud to the music, and twisting his chair back and forth while his partner tried to make sure her toes didn’t get run over. TJ did not know that he wasn’t supposed to dance, but he did it anyways.

There was never an outdoor activity that he did not want to be a part of. So many times he would tell me about the camping trip or horseback riding trip or laser tag game, or anything else he and his friends did that weekend. One of our YSA bishops, Bishop Dorward, shared one of his memories of TJ concerning a canoeing trip. In Bishop Dorward’s words: “We had a young YSA activity several years ago, canoeing down the N Sask. TJ wanted to go. We helped him into the canoe and he was off! When the canoe arrived at Quesnel Bridge I carried him into a truck. He said he was a bit cold, that was an understatement! I started the truck and turned the heat on full bore. Going back to help others, I forgot TJ. About 15 min went by. We had a fire going and hot dogs, hot chocolate. I went back to the truck to see if TJ wanted food. He was still frozen. Never warmed up a stitch. Full bore heat on him. I was worried. Of course eventually we got him warmed up. No complaint. No grump. Just humour and smiles, and casual jokes and appreciation for the day.” I myself remember that day, and how worried so many of us were for him, but he just sat there, grinning from ear to ear, teeth chattering away. TJ did not know he wasn’t supposed to be physically active and having fun in the outdoors, but he did it anyways.

So many people have commented on his sense of humour. One of TJ’s favourite places to visit was a house full of girls in his ward called the Chicken Coop. One of the residents of that house recalled a time when TJ fell out of his chair and all the way down the stairs. While the girls at the house started to panic, TJ just lay there cracking jokes. You know, I can’t help but think that he just loved the idea of so many lovely young ladies making such a fuss over him. Other fond memories of him came from his love and ability to ham it up in front of an audience. Whether he was the disembodied head in our air band number of “Johnny Came Home Headless”, or the evil Dr. Claw-like villain cackling away in “James Blond”, or the pig-headed Lemuel who was supposed to be helping his brother Nephi build a boat, TJ was always in top form. (I loved the line he came up with for that Book of Mormon skit: “My name’s Nephi, blah, blah, blah! Do this do that, blah blah blah!” Apparently there were several people that got that response from TJ on a regular basis). His attitude came from his love of life, and his humour reflected that. He was never one to turn down a good laugh at himself, and he always took the high road with having fun with others. TJ did not know that he was not supposed to have a positive outlook on life, but he had one anyways.

I mentioned before his dating life. I was always amazed as to how many girls had gone out on a date with that guy. He was kind of like a Hot Wheels Casanova. And despite his obvious limitations, he never once to my knowledge ever treated a date of his with anything less than class and respect. He would spare no expense when he could, and always put his date’s enjoyment first. He loved doing creative things, but also had fun with the basics. He was such a sweet-talker as well. How could any girl resist him! I asked him one time why he went to such great lengths for his dates, and all he would tell me was “I just want them to know that I appreciate the time they spend with me and that I have a lot to offer.” Once again, TJ did not care about his limitations, but instead focussed on the good in him. That is a quality that all of us should try to emulate: seeing the good in ourselves. And yes, he had many, many friends. Shelly would tell me that she could not go anywhere in this country without running into someone at church who had either been his roommate or his date at one time. TJ did not know that he was not supposed to touch people’s lives by simply being fun and positive, but he did it anyways.

I think I have touched on my theme here. So many things that TJ was not supposed to have done, and he did it anyways. TJ was not supposed to ride a bike, but he did it anyways as a child. He was not supposed to live past the age of 18. He would have been 31 next month. When he was told that he would not be able to serve as a full time missionary for the church, he was called as a stake missionary and became one of the most active and hardest working stake missionaries there ever was. Bishops knew that they could give TJ any calling and he would magnify it to the best of his abilities. Friends knew that they could count on TJ for anything that they needed. His family always knew that they could count on TJ for anything, especially if it was a hug or a listening ear. TJ did not know that he was not expected to love all he encountered with his whole heart, but he did it anyways.

Of course, I cannot give a eulogy befitting my brother without spending some time talking about the greatest miracle in his life, and that would be his eternal family. When I first met Shelly, it was at my father’s house in Gibbons, and I thought that Shelly was a nice enough girl to date TJ fairly seriously for a time, but I thought that she would eventually, like all the other girls that TJ chased after, would not want to spend the best years of her life loving someone that was likely to leave her a young widow. How sorely I misjudged this amazingly strong yet gentle woman. Shelly and TJ became inseparable and their love for each other only deepened as time went on. Shelly was the one blessing that the rest of us always hoped for but never expected in TJ’s life. I have never known a more devoted wife and can only hope to marry someone who loves me half as much as Shelly loves TJ. I never thought that I would see the day when TJ would have children of his own, and yet I look down at dear Thomas, darling Maggie, and precious Harrison, and I imagine meeting little Hiram Joseph in the next several weeks, and my heart is full at the thought of my brother’s legacy. I see so much of my brother in his children. I’m not just talking about his ears, either. I see in each of them attributes that my brother had; Thomas has his father’s excitement for life, Maggie has his strong-willed spirit, and Harrison has his bold determination. While we may think that it is unfair for these darling children to lose their beloved father at such young ages, I remind you that TJ was never supposed to have a family of his own, but he had one and loved them anyways. I feel that his only regret in leaving us all at this time is that he had to break his promise to Shelly that he would live to be 50.

TJ never gave up, not once. Oh, he failed many times, but he never allowed a single failure to keep him down. There was another air band competition where he and his partner were supposed to do a song from the Lion King, but they had forgotten to rewind their tape back to the beginning after they had practiced. When the wrong song started to play, TJ just chuckled for a few seconds, then went on and performed the wrong song perfectly. He went through hard times in his life, especially when mother died, but he always managed to bring himself out of the darkness and into the Lord’s light. TJ learned to rely on Heavenly Father so often that his love for the gospel just grew and grew. I remember taking him to the temple for the first time and how excited he was. I remember how he would talk about the how grateful he was for the Plan of Salvation and what it would mean for him to be able to walk and run and jump and do back flips that he just couldn’t do in this life. How grateful he was to be sealed to his wife and children so that their family would be together forever. How grateful he was that because of his Saviour he could repent and be forgiven of his sins. He loved the Lord with all his heart, and devoted his life to serving the Lord. Most often this came about in the way that he would act with others. He was able to forgive others so quickly. Again, I asked him about this, especially when it came to those who treated him so badly. He always gave an answer explaining that all he wants from people is for them to give him a chance, so why not give others a second chance. He was always looking for ways to make someone else’s life better. One of my most cherished memories came from TJ when one summer, my favourite country group Alabama was playing a concert in Edmonton on my birthday. One of TJ’s roommates had won tickets on the radio, but couldn’t go. TJ bought the tickets from his roommate and took me to the concert. I will always remember him sitting beside me, whooping and yelling and singing at the top of his lungs. That has always been the best concert I had ever gone to, and it was made possible by TJ.

So now what? Now that TJ is gone, what do we that are left behind do? If I know my brother, he would tell us to not feel sad at his passing, for he lived his life more fully than many of us do. He achieved more than anyone ever believed he would, and beat the odds many, many times. He is happy where he is now, for he is finally able to run, jump, and play hockey. He never once complained about the life that he had been forced to live, and he lived it better than anyone I have ever known. He has been reunited with Mother, and I’m sure she welcomed him with a big hug, followed by her saying “So where are my roses?”

I think of the Book of Mormon hero Teancum when I think of TJ. Teancum was a great warrior who had a habit of meeting the enemy head on. He would often undertake risky missions to take out the leader of the enemy forces, hoping to spare any more bloodshed than was necessary. The last time he had done this he was caught and killed. We read in Alma 62: 37 when his friends Lehi and Moroni learned of his death, and they mourned for their loss, saying “for behold, he had been a man who had fought valiantly for his country, yea, a true friend to liberty; and he had suffered very many exceedingly sore afflictions...” We then read in the next verses that the very next day they went out and won the war. I think that this is what TJ would have us do. He would have us go out and keep fighting the good fight, spreading the joy of the gospel to all we encounter. TJ never once hid behind his muscular dystrophy. He faced it head on. If only all of us could share in his bravery with our own trials.

Whenever someone close to me passes away, I search for a scripture in the Book of Mormon that reminds me of them. For TJ, I found this passage in Alma 36: 27-28. It is spoken by the prophet Alma the younger as he speaks to his son Helaman, and it reads: “and I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea God has delivered me from prison and from bonds and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me. And I know that he will raise me up at the last day, to dwell with him in glory; yea, and I will praise him forever,” When I read these words now, I hear TJ’s voice loud and clear in my mind, saying these things. I would also like to read some things from TJ’s Facebook page. One of his favourite quotes is “I AM NOT AFRAID OF TOMORROW BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN YESTERDAY AND I LOVE TODAY”. When asked to describe himself, he writes “I have a wonderful life. My wife is the greatest and I love her so much. I also have the three best kids in the world. My family is my life.”

I know TJ would love it if I could quote Garth Brooks, and so I will. Garth Brooks wrote a song called The Change that was one of TJ’s favourites, and the chorus explains why TJ never gave up, even though he knew that nobody expected him to accomplish what he did. “And I hear them saying you’ll never change things and no matter what you do it’s still the same thing. But it’s not the world that I am changing. I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.”

There are three special groups of people who meant so much to TJ, and also to me. First off, there are all of TJ’s friends, especially the boys in the Big House. They took TJ on so many adventures, helped him out in countless ways, and gave him so many memories that enriched his life. Second, these are four very special members of my family that came later in our lives but have become so precious to us. TJ led our family by example in welcoming a new mother, two brothers, and a sister into the insanity known as the Andrews family. To Brent, Renee, Matthew, and especially Violet, I am grateful to call you family. You meant so much to my brother and he loved you all so deeply. Our family is much richer with you in it. Finally, to the amazing Richardson family, I thank you for accepting TJ as a son, brother, and friend. Not only that, I thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter in Shelly, who was TJ’s best friend and the love of his life. I am grateful for the sealing ordinances of the temple that have brought our families together. I am grateful to you for helping support TJ, Shelly, and their children.

In conclusion, I would like to thank so all of you for coming, for those who would have come had they been able to. I thank you for loving my brother and sharing in the great miracle that was his life. My brother was blessed to be able to live a life full of love and joy that many of us take for granted, but he never did. Shelly, Thomas, Maggie, Harrison, and little Hiram, our thoughts and prayers are with you most of all, for we know how much TJ has meant to you. Please know that TJ is well, walking tall, and watching out for you in a way that he was never able to do in this life. You brought so much joy into his life, that words cannot describe the gratitude we all feel for you. TJ, we miss you and we love you. We will carry on for as long as our loving Father in Heaven needs us on this Earth, and then we will be happy to see your cheerful, smiling face again. I have a funny feeling that when I next see you that you are going to challenge me to a foot race to get back at me for all the ones I challenged you to when we were kids to see who got to clean the bedroom that evening. Knowing you you’ll probably smoke me good in it too. TJ, you have been more than a little brother to me. You have been my friend, my hero, my inspiration, and one of the finest men that have ever walked this earth. I only hope that I can be half of the man, husband, and father that you were in life. I close this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Summer Recap

I can’t believe that the summer has ended. Looking back, I am amazed as to how much happened. Over the space of less than two months, so much has happened to me that it is difficult to wrap my head around it sometimes. Vexing as it may be, I will try to make a quick sum up of the highlights of Summer 09. Everybody ready?

Yesterday I received an interesting phone call from Justin pertaining to the state of my ex. Obviously I will not go into too many details about the subject discussed, but if you are anxious to know feel free to ask. Under other circumstances I would have no troubles discussing it; I just would not rather go into too much detail in such a public forum. Having said that, I will say that what was revealed to me came as no great shock (I had that as a suspicion for quite a while), but all in all it left me saddened for Jen’s state and that of her family. Everyone must choose their own path, but I wish some would not have to learn things the hard way. At the end of the day, she has made her bed and must lay down in it, reaping what has been sown. Truthfully, I am thankful to finally put aside any doubts I had about myself in that marriage and move forward. Her choices are her own, and I will leave it at that. Every day I wanted to know the real reason why she left, and now that I know, I feel it is the last piece of the puzzle that was needed to allow me to move on. Relief feels so very good right now.

You may be wondering what else is included in my highlights. OK, I’ll give a brief bit of info. Understandably many of my thoughts have turned towards where to go with my desire to start a family of my own and that includes getting back into the dating scene. Actually, it has been my predominating thought throughout most of the last year or so. Right around the beginning of July, I started attending Single Adult activities. Every weekend there seemed to be something to do, and I liked having a bit of a social life again. Most of the people I met were very nice, but I was a bit disappointed that there were not many single girls my age. Yes, in case you hadn’t guessed, I was looking. During this time of fun mixed with frustration, a friend of mine suggested setting up a profile on a couple of LDS social networking sites. Reality dictated to me that if the girls weren’t coming to me, I should start being creative in seeking them out. Eerie as it was at first (I have never been a fan of romance on the internet, regardless of how many times it has worked) I proceeded to start my cyberspace adventure. After browsing two such sites (LDSSingles and LDSMingle), I decided there was enough of a local pool to investigate that would warrant a financial investment to fully utilize this new resource I had discovered. Much angst was felt while I received emails and chat invites from potential lady friends as I waited (impatiently, of course) for my money orders to go through. Credit cards, how I miss you! Of course, it went through just fine, and I discovered that there were about five different girls that had peaked my interest enough to start fishing as it were. Much to my surprise I came across one particular young lady who was a 100% match with me (at least, that is what the compatibility profile matcher said). Even more to my surprise was the fact that she seemed very interested in me as well. The problem was that we were both at the end of our respective divorces and were waiting for the paper work to get finished and finalized before we could really start working on a real relationship. Regardless of that, we have clicked ever since. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on perspective) we decided to follow some sound advice and put everything on hold until both of our divorces are finalized. Eventually it will happen, and we would rather act appropriately than rush things and ruin what is likely to be something wonderful.

For now, that is where I will leave the status of my love life: temporarily on hiatus. Over time it will change, and then I can tell the whole world about this lovely and wonderful lady I have found and how happy we make each other. Rest assured we are trying to do this the right way. Ever learning patience is my fate, so I will endeavor to help you all learn it by not saying anything more. Very mean of me, I know, but that is how it needs to be. Each day I thank God for leading me to her. Rightfully I will wait and hold of on my feelings until it is the proper time.

Yet despite this, I do have some other things to report. Out of all that I experienced, I thought my Top 10 list would be great for summing up. Understandably there are some things I cannot include as my top 10, so I will keep the love story stuff out for another day. Ready? Summer 09’s top 10 moments for me are:

10. Cleaning up panda poo at the Calgary Zoo. I always had a childhood dream of being a zoo keeper, and thanks to the volunteer program I was able to live out that dream helping out my new friend Ingrid with the Eurasian animals.

9. 50 levels on City of Heroes. OK, I spent a fair bit of time in front of the computer, but with a double XP weekend in there I was able to earn a total of 50 levels for a variety of my characters.

8. America’s Got Talent Season 4! By far my favorite reality competition show and the acts are getting better and better as we go.

7. House sitting for Tara while they were at Chicago. No, don’t get me wrong, I missed them terribly, but it was kind of nice to be on my own again, bachelor-style again. I had fun, but yes, it was very nice to have them come home again. The house is just too quiet without them.

6. Discovering a new dog-walking trail. A good friend of mine introduced me to the Bow River trail not too far from where I live, and I’ve taken Annie out there. It is so nice and peaceful there. I really need to get her there more often.

5. Hiking in the Kananaskis. I do not remember the hike I went on, but I can tell you it was steep. I took Annie with me, and we made it up and down without too much trouble. OK, in all honesty we are both out of shape, but it was still a fun time to be had with my new SA friends.

4. Movie sequels and reboots! I saw Transformers 2, Harry Potter 6, GI Joe, and Wolverine, as well as a second showing of Star Trek. While some were better than others, all were enjoyable. Of course, I am looking forward to having a regular date to go to movies soon, but that’s getting ahead of me.

3. Stampede! I really enjoyed myself at the Stampede, even to the point where I went twice, once with Amy and Connor, once with some of the SA people. I had a lot of fun, spent way too much money, and enjoyed every minute of it.

2. My Edmonton vacation. I was able to go to my step-brother’s wedding, reconnect with him and his sister, see TJ and Shelley, meet Kevin’s new GF (plus gave him heck for not keeping in touch more), saw Dad and Violet again, go to the Fringe with Matt (next year we are bringing our respective significant others, at least, that’s what Matt’s wife Sharon said), cooked pancakes for Bruce and Sean at CISN, and went to the Valley Zoo where I reconnected with an old high school friend and took some great videos! I also ran into several friends at the Bonnie Doon Stake Centre on Sunday and attended the temple twice. One of the best times of my life.


1. Rafting down the Bow River in a leaky raft. This had more to do with the company, but the rafting part was fun as well. Our raft sprung a leak, but the 5 of us decided to just keep going. We were able to stay afloat with four of us rafting and one of us bailing.

My Cool New Toy!

So it's coming to the end of July, and once again the summer holidays seem to be going way too quickly. I am house-sitting for Tara and the kids, and have so far managed not to kill any plants or animals (although I forgot about watering the plants for a day or two, so we'll see if that holds out). While it is definitely much quieter without the kids running around (the dogs tend to counter that a bit), I miss them. This is the first time I have been living "alone" or baching it since Thunderchild, and while I have much more to do around here to keep me busy, I miss the daily family interactions. Thankfully, I have a couple good friends and the zoo to help me pass the time.

Speaking of the zoo, I am very much enjoying my new toy. The camcorder has been my best purchase for a while, and though I have not used it as often as I would have liked to, it is tres fun! I took a few videos at the zoo yesterday and I am in the process of uploading them to my Facebook and YouTube accounts, so feel free to check them out. I am looking forward to when one of my videos breaks 100 views (no, that is not a type-o, I meant 100). Of particular is a video involving what I do when I volunteer at the koala exhibit. So, for my top 10 list, I thought I would post a video, and give you a list of 10 videos I would like to make.



10. A particularily violent chemistry experiment I do with one of my classes. I do not have one in mind, but I am looking forward to finding a good one.
9. Some improv comedy with me and a couple buddies. Again, we'll have to see about the when and where.
8. A Trek parody. Oh yeah, you knew something Trek was going to come.
7. Street performers. Might be able to get this one at the Fringe in Edmonton this year.
6. A date. Again, something I am working on setting up.
5. My wedding reception. This will happen after #6, but note I said it WILL happen.
4. Me meeting a famous person. I could probably make a list of who that person would be. Another entry perhaps.
3. A Mentos-Diet Coke rocket. There are never enough of those videos on YouTube (incidently, check out the Menthos spin that Nobody's Watching TV did. They are on YouTube)
2. A video scavenger hunt. Might be a cool date idea.
1. Me cooking pancakes for the CISN waking crew!. I might be able to swing that next month even!

Happy Summer Time!

Just thought I would give a quick Blog before the month is up. I'm looking forward to these next 2 months. Most importantly, I am looking forward to the social life becoming more interesting. I have a new toy: a video camcorder. We'll see how many cool videos I can make this summer.

Quick top 10 List: Top 10 things that should make this summer enjoyable!
10. My camcorder (look out zoo, here I come!)
9. At least 1 Edmonton trip (2 if I can swing it)
8. Minimum 1 temple visit.
7. House sitting for 1.5 weeks (not because Tara and the family will be gone, but because I can officially "bach" it)
6. Single Adult activites
5. My first Calgary Stampede!
4. Volunteering at the zoo.
3. No classes to prep, no assignments to mark.
2. Sunshine! Gotta love the sunshine.
1. I'M NOT MOVING ANYWHERE!

What Comes in May...

As of this moment, I continue to find myself in limbo. While I wait for the papers to come so I can sign them and move on with my life, I look ahead to a hope-filled future. It is amazing that so much time has passed, and yet I feel like there is so much of my life ahead of me that it is hard to not be optimistic. As it is, there is little that can make life worse right now.

I think that life is much about choices and decisions. True, much of what happens to us comes about because of the choices of others, but our own choices have a huge impact as to how much lingering damage there is. 2009 is becoming an interesting year. While some dreams and hopes of mine have been shattered recently, life does go on. All I need is some closure and then the re-boot can happen.

Speaking of reboot, yes, I saw the last Star Trek movie on opening night. I just invited everyone that I thought would enjoy it, and there were 10 of there. It was a neat experience being in a lineup with people in Trek uniforms. I wore a T-shirt that had belonged to my mother and was signed by George Takei to her. This way, she could be there with me, seeing as my being a Trekkie is largely her fault. I would have to say that the movie was excellent, but there were a few things that I wish had not happened. Still, it looks as if there will be some new Trek in the future, and that is always a good thing.

So, with a rebooting theme, my Top 10 list:

Top 10 Things that Need Rebooting
10. Canadian politics. Same old same old. Blah blah blah.
9. Hockey. This is more of a "reset" than a "reboot", but I wish the playoffs didn't last until June.
8. Calgary transit. Boy, ETS sure kicks butt against this city.
7. My students. Well, some of them at least, as they are feeling the May slump right about now.
6. Muppets. Man, we need someone to go back and get the Mojo going for Kermot and Company.
5. Beauty pagents. Wow, these things just seem phonier and phonier as life goes on. Time to start looking at the whole concept of beauty, not just the "She's hot" factor.
4. Celebrity news. I don't want to know who is dating or suing (or both) who! Why are we so obsessed with these people!
3. Heroes. I was very disappointed with the last season finale. Let's get back to the basics people!
2. Doing Top 10 lists for blogs...wait a minute!
1. My love life. 'Nough said.

Everyone Should Have Their Own Soundtrack

Yesterday I posted my first YouTube video, and while it is not the most exciting video (just the new baby Red River Hogs at lunch time), it is a start. Eventually I am going to save up an buy a video camera, but until then I will be content with what I got.



Speaking of YouTube, one of the things that I have been doing on that account (mightyelroy, if anyone was wondering, or surprised), is compiling a list of songs that I am dubbing my soundtrack. It is a collection of 17 (so far) songs that are songs that I associate with something about myself, my past, my hopes for the future, or that seem to fit my personality. While I will not give you ALL of my songs, I will give you the top 10. If you have a list of songs that comprise your soundtrack (everyone should have their own), or have some suggestions for my own, let me know (this gives the 5 of you who still read this thing a chance to leave a comment).

10. You Don't Want my Love - performed by Jim Henson and the Muppet performers. This is one of the few songs that sums up my feelings about my ex-wife that leaves me feeling happy. Partly because of this being performed by the Muppets, partly because of Frank Oz's performance (he's the base player), and mostly because of Jim Henson.


9. Dixieland Delight - performed by Alabama. Alabama is my favourite musical act of all genres and all time, and this song is one of my personal favourites. If I was able to choose anywhere to live, the southren states would be a definite consideration. This song appeals to my easy-goingness and love of the simple life.


8. Online - performed by Brad Paisley. Yes, this appeals to the nerd/geek in me. I must admit that the alure of trying to be someone else online is appealing. Don't worry, except for my characters on City of Heroes, I am always honest in how I portray myself. I'm not allowed to embed this video, so here is the link. Yes, William Shatner in this video cracks me up and is one of the reasons that this is also one of my favourite videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0

7. Driving My Life Away - It seems like a better part of my life has been spent in a car. Growing up in Lamont I was often on the road for church activities and University. In Weyburn I lived a half hour from work. At Thunderchild it was over an hour to church, and here in Calgary it can easily be a half hour to work as well. Add to that my love for road trips, and we got this song.


6. Love Don't Live Here Anymore - performed by Lady Antebellum. This is my favourite new group, and this song has alot to do about it. It was being played alot when the ex-wife left, and it started to become my anthem. I think it truly sums up how I feel about her now, and it if she ever did ask me to have her back (which I think will never happen), then this is how I would (hopefully) respond. Click the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUhsKSIHKKo

5. One Day You Will - performed by Lady Antebellum. Wow, two hits on the top 10! This is a great song that I hope will be released as a single. After I bought their CD a couple months ago, this song just reached out to me. I love it and I am making it my song of hope. Incidently, they are openning for Keith Urban in September, which makes me even happier to have a pair of tickets.


4. If You're Going Through Hell - performed by Rodney Atkins. OK, despite what many might think, this has nothing to do with the ex...well, not much. This is more a description of my attitude towards all the trials and "hell" that I have endured in my life. While it is not easy, it is preferable to laying curled up in a ball weeping like a child.


3. Find Out Who Your Friends Are - performed by Tracy Lawerence with Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw. The video in the link is just Tracy going solo, but on the radio is the one with the other singers. I dedicate this to the many people that Heavenly Father has sent into my life that have always been there when the hard times hit. In particular, Matt and Dan get special props and are the two who this song reminds me the most of.


2. White and Nerdy - performed by Weird Al Yankovic. Oh yeah, the kids at Thunderchild can take partial credit for this. It is scary how much of this song applies to me. Sigh. Well, there is a bit of Geek in all of us, right? Mostly this helps me celebrate a big part of me, but allows me to not take it too seriously. And yes, I like both Kirk and Picard. Working on Annie's homepage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

1. Kiss a Girl - performed by Keith Urban. One day I'll talk more about why Keith Urban has quickly become favourite artist #2, but suffice it to say that his songs often speak to me. I love this one in particular right now, because this is how I feel. I am healing still, yes, but I am ready to move on and get the happiness back in my life that I seem to have been looking for all my life. 22 weeks until his concert! Good thing it is so far off, because it gives me plenty of time to find a date for it. WOO-HOO!


Yeah, mostly country songs. Sigh. Well, as I said, if you know anything else that would be good for me, then please let me know. I also am interested what songs would fit you guys. Looking forward to your comments people!

One Year Ago

February 28, 2008, will be my personal day of infamy. That was the day that my wife of then almost six years and I separated. Now, looking back at this last year, I felt I should say something as to where I have been and what I have to look forward to.

It is obvious to me that barring some sort of colossal miracle (or more likely several all at once), I will be divorced shortly. This is of course if Jen still desires to make this quick and painless for both of us. However, the one year anniversary of this event did not go down anywhere close to how I thought it would even as recent as a few weeks ago. Before I go much more into that, let me reflect back on my journey thus far.

I miss Thunderchild and the people I left behind, especially my old high school teammates Marnie, Hussein, Cheryl, Ken, and Rob. Life was possible there because of them. I also miss my students and hope that I left them better off than before I got there. I also miss my Battleford branch members, most noticably my branch president Larry Raciccott. He more than anyone else got me through the first few months of the separation. I also appreciate the stake presidency members who had been so supportive of me. The help I had received from all of them pulled me up.

Obviously, the biggest change in my life has been my move to Calgary. my big sister Tara and her loving family did more than open their home to me; they saved my life. As hard as I worked to avoid Calgary, I felt more and mroe strongly that this is where I needed to be. Obvioulsy the Sagers were the biggest part of it, but it has become much more than that. Calgary is where I began to feel conencted to life again.

In July I started meeting with Bryan (yes, another Y-Bryan!) Livingston of LDS Family Services. He has helped me come to understand where I stand with the Lord and why I have felt the way that I felt. He helped empower me to recognize whose opinions of me I had been believing, and where I should really start putting some trust (ie my Heavely Father). He also guided me through a process in which I held myself accountable before my Heavenly Father concerning my marriage and its breakup, and I will only say that the Lord accepted my efforts. My faults are what they are, and I know that He understands me more than I understood myself. It is good to know that the Lord can tell you that you have done everything in your power. My hardest task in this was to find the courage to accept His love and support, as well as forgive myself.

September I found myself doing something I had always wanted to do. I was called as a seminary teacher, and I loved every early morning minute of it. The youth of my ward are amazing souls, and though I could not remain their teacher for the entire year, I cherished every chance I had to discover and study the life of Christ with them. I still miss the classes, but it is OK. I hope to have the opportunity again sometime.

I began volunteering at the Calgary Zoo in October (by the way, come see the koalas!) and have found a haven at the zoo in the insanity of life. I have met new friends and discovered something that I could not only be passionate about, but something that I could share with others. I rediscovered something about serving others, and that has been an anchor to me, and it allowed my to find true happiness in serving good people and a good cause.

Around the same time I found some part-time employment at Sir Winston Churchill High School, probably the top acheiving high school and one of the finest I have had a chance to work in. I taught 3 classes of Bio 30 (a dream come true!) and met some of the most amazing students there are. I still dwell on one special student whose life took a tragic turn just before finals, and if she ever reads this, Melissa, I still pray for your full recovery. Most significantly were the science teachers that I had the honour of serving beside. They were wonderful. I could write much on all of them, but I will settle for the two who influenced me the most. first is Dr. Ted Pike, a man who personifies the scientific curiosity and wonder that I wish to instill in my students. His passion for his work is only rivaled by his pure, sincere goodness that is as contagious as it is endearing. We had a few good conversations, and he was able to help me through a few things, but mostly it was his general attitude that he carried about him that gave me the most strength. Secondly, I met the greatest department head I have ever met. Deb Miller was the one who interviewed me and hired me. From her I regained my self-confidence and my sense of professional aptitude. I am not saying it that I lost it in Saskatchewan, it was just that after Jen left my confidence in everything I did was shaken. I found a mentor and a true friend in Deb, and I am thankful for all that she did for me in the short time I worked with her. She gave me so much love, friendship, and respect that my life is truly enriched for it. Dare I say that she became another in a line of mother figures who helped fill in the shoes of my own eternal mother who was called home too soon for my likings. Thank you Deb.

Christmas was not nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. I felt that the separation would have been the main focus for my thoughts, but it is hard to do that when you are surrounded by the families of my big sister and my dear little brother TJ. Christmas truly became about family, and I am grateful for that. I found I did miss not seeing the Hills, but I want them to know that they will always be a part of my family. I wish my father and beloved step-mother could have been there, but I know that they love me.

January saw me buying a new computer, getting called into the primary, and wind down my time at SWC. All I can say about the primary at this time is that I find it challenging, but I welcome it gladly.

Now, the last month. February saw me leave SWC and head for FFCA territory. I had interviewed twice before for a high school position, and though they offered the jobs to others, I know they made the correct decisions, and I am grateful to be with them now. My principal and vice principal are two of the most supportive administrators one could find, and their faith in my is great. I have met many great teachers there, but I must confess that my favourite is my new BFF, Liz Amer. Her job was one of the ones I had interviewed for, but I am glad she got it because now I get to work with her in a great way. Not only does she have similar ideas and past connections with, but we became fast friends very quickly. I could not imagine a person I would rather teach beside than my dear HC fairy. She is so full of drive, courage, enthusiasm, and passion that it is hard to not try to stretch myself even further. When I joined the FFCA, I needed a friend. Liz was an answer to a prayer. I hope we can teach together for a very long time to come.

One of the things that made me impressed with this high school is how close everyone was. I was constantly amazed at the level of teamwork. Well, this last weekend I found out why. I attended the Rapport Leadership 1 training session, and without giving anything away, it was the most intense, challenging, difficult, and rewarding training that I have had since my MTC days. I met some great people, and while I do not wish to upset any of them, I must give a special thanks to my fellow FFCA teachers, Mr Green and Mr Widmer, as well as Ms Winter, Ms Smart, Ms Nestor, Mr. Virji, Mr Llewellyn, and Ms Huddleston for helping me get through this. I also thank my trainers, Mr Ferguson and Mr McKinney. I not only broke some of the barriers that I had allowed to hold me back, I blew right through them. I found the man I used to be again, and I am so grateful to see him again. While yesterday marked the one year mark into my separation, it was one of the best days of my life. I can stand tall and say that I AM BACK! I am not afraid to live anymore. I am not afraid to take risks anymore. I am not afriad to love anymore. My students deserve me. My family deserve me. My colleagues and friends deserve me. Most importantly, I DESERVE ME! I will not stop until my Heavenly father tells me that it is done.

To wrap this up, I would just like to say a special thanks to two of my oldest and dearest friends. I have always believed that God puts specific people in our lives to help us get through the hardest times. I believe that all the people I mentioned fit that category, as have many that I have not mentioned in this. Still, I cannot thank my Lord enough for sending me Matt Harker and Dan Oler 20 years ago (over 20 for Matt). These two have become as much as brothers to me as anything else. They have always been there for me, no matter what. There wives became close friends of mine (and Mindy and Sharon, thank you for marrying these two. They deserve the best, and that is who they got). I love their children as if they were my neice and nephews (and yes, Dan and Mindy naming their youngest after me was one of the highlights of this last year). I will make sure that they know that I will live and die for them. Their friendship cannot (nor needs to be in their eyes) ever be repaid. I love you guys.

So, as I look forward to the future, I am ready to charge head first into whatever the Lord feels I need to endure. I know there are rich blessings in store for me. I know that there is security in the temple for me. I know that a family of my own is coming. I know that I will fail, but I will then rise, dust myself, and keep moving forward until there is no more strength in me. I will never give up on myself again. I can humbly say now that I deserve my Lord's blessings and the love of those around me. I have always had a hard time believing others when they told me that I am strong. I doubt that no more. I know that I am strong because of my Father in Heaven, and I know once more that I will overcome all because of Him and my Saviour Jesus Christ who I commit once again my life, heart, and soul.

Top 10 List: The Top 10 Things I learned about myself these last 365 days:

10. When I put myself behind the needs of others, I cheated them from giving the best of myself. When I make myself a priority, I am a greater benefit to them.
9. I am truly happiest when I am serving others. That still does not mean I cannot have fun while doing it.
8. One of God's greatest gifts is our free agency. The Spirit taught me today that part of exercising that agency is to choose to believe in myself. I have not done that enough, and it ends now.
7. I will not fear failure anymore, not when I give my best effort. Failure just means I get up and move forward.
6. I am respected by many people, more than I ever believed possible. I touch lives and I make a difference. I can humbly accept that.
5. The Lord has a plan for me. It is happiness and love. Why would I ever doubt that again? Simply put, I shouldn't.
4. When I give everything I have, when I reach deeper than I ever have before, and dig so deep inside of me that I cannot fathom ever going farther, then I go a bit more, and when it is finally finished and I can no longer stand, my Father in Heaven has given me brothers and sisters to catch me when I fall.
3. I am strong. I am powerful. I will overcome. I AM A LEADER!
2. I love my God, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my colleagues, I love my students. I love myself for them and me.
1. God loves me. He always had. He always will. I should be more like Him in that regard.

First Blog Away From Home

Here I am at parent teacher conferences for my new school, and I have nothing to do. This is because these interviews are for last semester, and I am new here, so many parents just stop by to meet me and then leave. Don't get me wrong, I have had several good talks and visits, but I have hit a lull and thought I would try to post a blog while I have some time.

The new school is great. The staff here are amazing. I feel very much at home. There are a few things that I am still getting used to, but over all I am happy. Life is good on the professional front.

I have been feeling a bit down lately for some reason. I am not sure if it is the lack of sleep or what, but my energy levels are a bit low. I have been wrking a heck of a lot harder this week, and I am having fun working with the SMART board (I can actually drag components of my lesson on the board and be much more versatile with my lessons than before). I am looking forward to going to the temple in Edmonton this weekend, especially because I'll be spending some time with Matt Harker. I just wish that he lived much closer to where I am these days.

The koalas are at the zoo, and Tuesday I had a chance to get a sneak peak at them. I believe that this is the first time I have seen live koalas, and they are a bit bigger than I expected them to be. Yes, they are quite cute, and they were actually awake when I was there. I have some pictures taken, but I am still figuring out how to install some of the photo programs on my new computer (stupid VISTA). They should be posted soon. Apparently they sleep for about 18-20 hours a day, so I'm guessing that most of the time they will be dozing when I see them. You know, volunteering there has been great. Liz, my new BFF at FFCA, came by and I showed her around after my volunteer shift last Saturday. I think if I ever get tired of teaching, I should get a job at the zoo as their official tour guide. So, for the few of you who are following this blog, let me know the next time you are in town and I'll be happy to give you the 5 Star tour.

So since I am blogging here at the teacher interviews, I'll give you the top 10 places that I would like to blog from in the future:

10. San Deigo. I went once many years ago and loved the place. I'd like to go back.
9. Toronto. It would be neat to blog from the CN tower (probably at the ground floor because of my fear of heights).
8. A cruise ship. I've done Vancouver-Alaska, but a Caribean cruise might be nice as well.
7. The House of Commons in Ottawa. Imagine, I could give play-by-play of the idiocracy that abounds there.
6. Hockey game. I don't like hockey, it would just give me something to do if I am ever there.
5. New York. I'd never want to live there but I would like to visit.
4. Edmonton. I lived there long enough, but I would like post a blog from there. Maybe this weekend.
3. Vulcan (Alberta, not the planet, although that ould be cool too)
2. Riding the back of an animal. Probably an elephant, maybe a camel. A horse would be a bit to ordinary. Hmmm, I wonder if I could ride a zebra?
1. Sydney Australia. The only thing is that I fear I may never want to leave.

Just Some Ramblings

Oh, where to begin. Life has become more eventful for me. Last month I said good-bye to the great people and students at Sir Winston Churchill high school where I had the honour of teaching Bio 30 for 3 months. What an experience. I came into the class as the fourth teacher in two months, and I got right down to work at gaining the trust of the students. It did not take long, and I found that the kids were outstanding. Three months later I had formed such a good working relationship with them. The downside is that when one of them hurts, I feel it with them. This happened when a particularily nice girl was sent to the ICU after a sledding accident just days before the final. When last I heard she was still in the ICU and was doing "OK" but was likely going to be suffering some permanent paralysis. You know, one of the hard things about my job is that these students become such a part of your life that what happens to them long after you have parted ways still has an effect on you. I have had two former students (that I know of) both die in car accidents in the last three years. One was Evan, and that guy always had a smile on his face. I remember taking his Bio 20 class to the gym for some "Bio-based games" and he was literally climbing the walls like a monkey. The other was Branden, and though we often butted heads, when he graduated there was a mutual respect that had been built. Suffice it to say that despite his sometimes rowdy behaviour in my class, he was one who tried to live life to the fullest. So this latest accident hit me pretty hard, but again there is little I can do.

At my new school, the FFCA high school, I have done what I never thought I would do. I have a BFF. Liz, the other bio teacher, and I hit it off really well right at the start. I have to say that there have been several colleagues over the years that have meant a lot to me. Kim Baowlin, Val Bishop, Marty Hoehn, Lori Bjorklund, Marnie Noon, Hussein Barbari, Cheryl Cowan, Eldon Oakanee, Deb Miller, and Ted Pike have stood out as outstanding colleagues. Now, there's Liz Amer. She is just too much fun, and even though I am feeling a bit stressed about other things in my life, she makes me laugh and feel so appreciated. I showed her around the zoo yesterday after my double koala shift (yes, the koalas are here, but they won't be open to the public until Wednesday). She was like a kid, all wide-eyed and excited. For the first time since I moved to Calgary, I feel that I have found a long-lasting friend. I had been praying for someone that I can just have fun with, and she has fit the bill nicely. So, to my little Hot Chocolate fairy, thanks! Now, if we start dressing the same (we already think much alike), I'll start panicking.

On a down note, it is just three weeks left before Jen can file for the divorce. I am at the point where I just want this trial to be over. It has been a long haul, and hopefully the proceedings will be quick and painless. Since there really isn't anything that should drag it out, I anticipate that by the end of March it will be done, and I can move on with my life. This last year has had its shares of ups, and I feel truly grateful for the blessings that Father has poured upon me, but let's face it, the break down of my marriage has been the single worse experience of my life, bar none. I truly never thought that I would find myself in this predicament, and considering how hard I worked at my marriage, tosee it all go down the drain without so much a whimper has been devestating. Still, I am anxious, albeit nervous, to get back on the path to my ultimate goal of being a husband and father. Had a shot at the first, and did good. Now it's time to get out there and find whoever Father has been preparing for me. In some ways I am looking forward to dating again, but there is a bit if trepidation. Just a warning to all out there, I feel a bit gun-shy, but I will get out there and do it.

In the spirit of looking forward, I have this issues top 10 list of movies that I am most looking forward to seeing in 2009. I made this list up a couple weeks ago, and already went out and saw one of them, but I'm too tired to go look up another one. So if you are thinking of cathcing one of these, let me know. I'd love to tag along.

10. Escape to Witch Mountain - I saw the original as a kid and do not remember much about it, but I am all for giving nostalgia a chance, so I have good hopes for this one.
9. Inkheart - Brendan Fraser, one of my all time favourite actors, has ahd a good couple of years. This is the one that I saw, and I quite enjoyed the story telling in it.
8. GI Joe: the Rise of Cobra - yes, another toy obsession from my past is headed to the screen in a big blockbuster movie. It also stars Brendan Fraser. Honestly, I am not expecting much from this one, but it will be fun to watch
7. Sherlock Holmes - not due out until next winter, this has Robert Downey Jr in the lead role. I like the detectve stories, so I'll give this a glance.
6. The Pink Panther 2 - I very much enjoyed the first one, and have heard some good things about the sequel. Hopefully, it will be a "Good one"
5. Earth - A disney nature film. I have seen the trailer, and I just love these kind of films. Bring on the critters!
4. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - when I first heard the concept, I was a bit skeptical. When I learned some of the casting, I was even moreso. Still, it is X-Men, so let's give it a chance.
3. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - I really hope this one goes well. I must admit a bit of a disappointment with the last one, so fingers are crossed.
2. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen - yes, my childhood hero, Optimus Prime, is gearing up for the big screen again. The first was a blast and a dream come true, I just can't wait for the next adventure.
1. Star Trek - OK, who did not see that one coming! With JJ Abrams at the helm, I am cautiously optimistic about this revival. OK, I am getting way pumped about it. Tara and I were talking with one of her colleagues, Richard, about getting a group together to go see it openning night. Let me know if you want in!

Happy New Year

Well, 2008 is finally over, and I can say that it is one of the few years that I am glad to see go. 2009 is hopefully going to be much better for me. time will ultimately tell, but for the time being, I am happy for this fresh start.

One example of this will be the new computer I am going to receive any day now. My old Medion finaly bit it, but it had a good three year run. I am eagerly anticipating my new arrival, although I am pretty much done spending beyond the necessities until payday. I am also going to be starting a new job soon, teaching high school biology at the FFCA high school. If you are not familiar with this school division, they are a publicaly funded charter academy. I am excited about working with them, but I must confess that I am not looking forward to saying good-bye to the great staff and students ant Sir Winston Churchill High school. I must say that this has been the best high school I have worked at, and much of my thanks goes out to the leraning leader/deaprtment head Deborah Miller. I have been vry fortunate in being able to have worked with some of the best educators in the business, and she ranks right up there.

As I mentioned, the students there are great as well. When I started there in late October, I was the fourth teacher that the kids had for Biology 30 since the beginning of the year. They have done marvelously. As it has been everywhere I have taught, my students really became a becon of light and joy to me, and I am honoured to have served them as their teacher. Sadly, it seems that with the joys of associating with such wonderful students, there comes the pain when one of them is hurt. Sadly, one of the nicest young ladies I have ever taught was involved in a terrible accident over the weekend. She is currently in the Foothills hospital, and is apparently paralyzed from the waist down. I have had two former students from Radville pass away in car accidents since I have left there, and I am feeling the ache again. To see such wonderful people taken from the world so soon, or in this recent case, inflicted with a terrible injury fills me with much sorrow and pain. thankfully, I know that there is more to life than pain, and there is much that comes after that we can look forward to, but it does not always mean that the hard times are any less hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to my student and her family. I can only hope and pray for the best at the moment.

To hopefully end things on a more positive note, I have created for this issues Top 10 list, the top 10 Movies I saw from 2008. Please note that I did not see many of the movies from last year, but I saw enough to make a fairly complete list, I think.

10. Valkyrie - the latest movie from 2008 I saw would have ranked higher if the characters spoke with german accents. Still, Tom Cruise was good.

9. Eagle Eye - Shia Leboef continues to be one of my favourite young actors. This movie had me sitting on the edge of my seat. It was great.

8. Wall*E - Pixar delivers again, though I must admit that this is not their greatest ever. Still, it is excellent.

7. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - I know many people hated this movie, and I understand why. Me, I thought it was just great. It had the familiar spirit of the first movies, and while not my fav of the group, I enjoyed it immensley.

6. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - I love this movie series. I rated this higher than others on the list because to be quite honest, I thought that this movie would stink, when in fact I had a blast watching it. My only complaint is that Evelyn was not played by Rachel Weis.

5. Ironman - All I can say is high octane action + great acting by robert Downey Jr. = amazing summer blockbuster flick.

4. Get Smart - I haven't laughed so hard in a theatre since "Rat Race". OK, would you believe "the Man Who Knew Too Little"? It kept to the spirit of the TV series while making it unique from it. Great fun, and anne Hathaway is in it. Growl!

3. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - not as good as the Lion/Witch/wardrobe, but it was amazing action, witty dialogue, and alot of fun. Of all the movies on this list I watched it the most this last year.

2. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed - this film did a few things for me. First, it gave me an even deeper respect for Ben Stein. Second, it re-enforced my beliefs about teaching science while beleiving in God. third, it made me laugh and think. Greatly overlooked and it should be seen

1. Batman: the Dark Knight - it was not just Heath Ledger's performance that made this movie special, though I admit he gave the best performance of the year. It ws the whole deal. Great action, a compelling story, and wonderful multi-dimensional characters. I do not always like the top grossing movie of the year, but this is one I agree with.