Last night I woke up around 1:30 after having a fun dream. The last few days I have been fighting a really bad viral infection so a combination of Nyquil and Tylenol Cold probably contributed to this dream. For some odd reason my thoughts on the dream jumped to something completely different, which is the topic of my blog today. Sorry, I won't tell you the details of the dream because I cannot fathom the connection between what I was dreaming about and an essential part of communication that I find lacking more and more each day.
I'll be honest with you, a lot of what I am talking about here has been brewing in my mind for quite a while. I have noticed that in today's world we have so many ways of communicating right at our finger tips. Right now I am writing a blog that, if lucky, several individuals (maybe even ten!) will read. I did a quick count and found that there are six devices that I own that I can obtain news information from (everything from a Samsung smart phone to an old school car radio, which for you youngsters was the original I-Pod). I can find thousands of reports on any given news story in seconds. OK, it's really only about a dozen different reports, just re-posted and shared or even plain old ripped off a thousand times over, but the point is the information is out there. I can chat with my step brother all the way over in Australia, either through instant messaging or Skype. I have friends via Facebook that I have never laid physical eyes on and yet have found a bond with them over any number of values. Yet with all of this technological ability to communicate, I fear that we as a global society are losing one of the most important elements in proper communication. We are losing our ability to listen.
The Meriam-Webster Online dictionary (because traditional physical paper dictionaries are for chumps) defines the word "listen" as "to pay attention to someone or something in order to hear what is being said, sung, played, etc.". Note how that is more than simply hearing what is being said. I teach biology, and every class I have students that I can scientifically prove are "hearing" what I am saying but are not actually listening. They need to pay attention in order to hear and understand what is being said. We look around the world around us and we see groups of people that are locked in endless shouting matches, thinking if they can just out shout the other side that they will have more people listening to them. Whether it is opposing political leaders or protest groups, there is nothing but shouting and no listening.
Digital communication must be better, right? I mean with nobody actually yelling (unless they use ALL CAPS) everyone can get there point across and be able to "listen" to what they read. Well, not so much. Just read any comment section to any article or video and again you will see groups of people yelling at each other on their keyboards, and likely saying some truly awful things that they would never willingly say out loud in public. People will jump to their keyboards (or is it keypads now?) and quickly tap out in 140 characters or less their support/disdain on a topic and hit send. They will try to come up with the most blistering attacks and insults because that is how you win an argument these days (who needs facts and logic when calling someone an expletive bonehead will score you more thumbs up). It is sad because so few of us are truly listening these days to what is being said. We focus on getting our message out to the cyber-verse that we seldom pause to consider what is being said.
I wrote a post a couple years back showing my frustration over internet trolls. You know, those people who specifically scour the internet looking for somewhere to make inflammatory comments to get people riled up and angry. They hide behind their anonymity with the sole (soulless?) intent on making people upset. Definitely not listening. Yet how many times have we (and yes, I include myself in this) typed out a cutting response, hit enter, and then forget about what we have said. Do we ever look at what we are responding to and ask ourselves how this remark will affect the other person? Do we even ask ourselves why the person is saying what they are saying? Are we trying to understand what is being said before we respond or are we looking to make what we say "right"? Are we looking for justification, vindication, or just the response that will get other faceless entities hitting the "Like" button the most.
I say this because I have noticed that as more an more polarizing debates are popping up on my Facebook and Twitter feeds more and more people I thought I knew are showing that they simply do not care about true communication. Whether it is federal or provincial politics, Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life, the debates over everything from global warming to same-sex marriage laws, and more recently the current crisis in the war between Hamas and Israel people are throwing out their stands, platforms, and bias as if that is the only way to communicate. It does not take long for these things to boil over into personal, hateful attacks that damage relationships. I have started to un-follow and even un-friend some individuals because I am tired of all the negativity. I do not see the value in having the Facebook Ranters clog up my news feed. I see teachers, doctors, lawyers, parents, children, politicians, sales clerks, gardeners, mechanics, etc. all stoop to pettiness because someone else has a different opinion. I have read too many "I'm sorry if this offends you but..." to believe that they are truly sorry for the offense. I have heard too many people justify themselves with disclosures such as "I am only telling it like it is". I don't have a problem with people telling it like it is, but is it too much to ask that you tell it like it is in a polite way?
As I mentioned before, yes, I find myself in these categories from time to time. I am sure that a few Facebook friends have ditched me because of some things I have shared online. Of course, when such friendships are only maintained through casual mouse clicking, is that really a friendship lost? A true friend is one who will listen to you (aha, the magic word of the day again!). A true friend will use true tolerance when they disagree with you. A true friend will give you much more than simple platitudes, they will tell you things that you may find hard to hear to help you listen to more than just yourself. When I have friends who are asking me to support either side in the current Gaza conflict, will they listen to me when I tell them why I can or cannot support their side? Will they listen to each other? Will you who read this listen to what I have to say? Will it change how you listen to others? As I say, I only have a few people who read this, but maybe it can be the start of a ball rolling.
