Well, here we are, near the end of May, and I wish this Blog was a bit happier. I have been wondering what to say in this entry, but I guess there is only one thing to say. My life is changing in a way that I never thought would happen. My worst nightmare was realised at the end of February. Jen has left me. We are officially separated, and she does not want to reconcile. Her reasons are her own, and it is the worst thing that has happened to me. I will not go into the details as to why this happened. Those who should know already do (I think), and those who want to know more may ask, but be prepared to be told that I am not ready to tell you yet.
So where does this leave me? Unfortunately, with alot of changes. As it stands right now, I am going to move to Calgary, unless I can find a better job elsewhere. I will live with my sister Tara until I can get back on my feet. Then, who knows. As soon as I am ready and able, I will get back into the dating scene. I have always wanted to be a good father and husband and to have a family of my own. I refuse to let this setback prevent me from acheiving that goal. I did everything I could the first time around, so I will learn from the experience and be more careful in the selection of my eternal companion. What will happen to me? As far as I can tell, only good things. I have done my best and I know that the Lord is not going to leave me out in the cold. I just have to keep my chin up and move forward.
Do I still love Jen? Of course. I always will. Do I want this divorce? Absolutely not. Am I having dificulty dealing with this? Yes I am. Is my life over? No, only a part of it. How am I doing now? Well, to put it simply, things have been better, but I seem to be over the worst part of it, and I am trying to get my life back around. I am devestated by this development, but devestation can be overcome. What are my goals? Well, aside from the finding work and a new wife, I am hoping to be able to acheive forgiveness, peace of mind, and a better understanding of what the Lord has in mind for me. Can I change this situation? Nope. The most frustrating thing about it is that I did everything I knew how to do, and I cannot change the decisions that others make. So I am moving on to bigger and better things, looking forward to the happiness that I know is in store for me and that I will find. I'm crawling through a dark tunnel, but things are going to improve. I am a good person who has demonstrated dedication and devotion, and I will be strengthened by this experience.
I have been doing alot of things to help me heal recently. I have several friends who have been extremely supportive. Many family members have stepped up and helped me out. Colleagues at work have been extremely supportive as well. While I hate being alone (except for Annie) at home, I know that there are several souls who have been placed in my life that to help me that are only a phone call away.
One thing that I am glad I did was take a couple of weeks off as a stress leave. I spent much of that time in Edmonton, Calgary, and Lethbridge, trying to reconnect and heal. I am not going to do a top 10 list on what I miss about Jen, or on what I think went wrong, or anything like that. What I will do is report on my stress leave as the Top 10 Things That Helped me Heal:
10. Going to a teacher's convention is Saskatoon with my colleagues.
9. Going to my old family ward in Sherwood Park with the Schwarzers.
8. Seeing Ironman with some friends from my U of A days.
7. A very positive job interview in Calgary with the FFCA High School.
6. Having Mother's Day dinner with the Lybberts.
5. Spending time with the family's of Dan Oler and Matt Harker.
4. Receiving a blessing from my father.
3. Visiting my mother's gravesite.
2. The birth of my neice Kaileigh and Dan and Mindy's new son, Bryan.
1. Attending the temple.
