Forgiveness or Madness

I sometimes wonder if the world is truly going mad. 

There have been some great changes in society recently. There have been an empowerment of those who have been oppressed. Children who have survived horrific school shootings are taking their story  with a conviction that I haven't seen in a long while. Women are standing up and putting men who have used a long-standing and toxic culture in their place. Yet, in spite of all of these gains, I fear that we are swinging into another extreme where those who are fighting for justice and equality are turning into shades of the old Salem witch hunters, turning innocents into evil-doers. I applaud those who make a tough stand, who sacrifice of themselves to bring into the light the dark things of this world in an attempt to make the world better and safer for our children and future generations, but at the same time I worry about the extremes that people are taking this charge. I am concerned that they are turning their fight against extremism to an extreme end.

There are some, I am convinced, that in their own way seek out controversy and outrage, even where none exists. It is as if they wake up in the morning, eager to discover how they will be offended this day. They have become so overly sensitive to the injustices of the world that they take offense at the most innocent of things. This past Halloween my eldest daughter Barbara (who is six years old) wanted to dress up as Moana, one of her favorite Disney characters of recent years. I asked her why she liked Moana so much. She told me that she liked how Moana was brave, intelligent, and saved the world. She also liked how Moana disobeyed her parents, but that's another story. So my wife bought her the costume from Costco. It included a dress and Moana's necklace. She did not wear a wig to cover her blond hair, nor she did not apply dark make-up to her very light skin. She wore the dress over a T-shirt and tights to keep her legs warm. She went to school and proudly told everyone that she was dressed as one of her favorite characters. That is innocent and sweet, and yet there are those who would decry her choice as cultural appropriation. They say that because my daughter is white, she should not dress up like her favorite Disney character who happens to not be white. They would be outrage that a six-year old girl would dare be inspired by a Polynesian princess to the point where she would (gasp) wear the same dress for Halloween. 

Don't get me wrong, I am firmly opposed to the improper, ignorant, and discriminatory appropriation of any culture. To wear religious or sacred garments of other groups in a way to attract attention is insensitive at best, and racist at worst. Thankfully, nobody at her school thought any less of Barbara for her choice of Halloween costume, yet there are those that would have raised a huge outcry over it. While that sort of unnecessary outrage was spared in Barbara's case, there are many other examples where people have made mistakes and are now feeling the full brunt of the Wrath of the Social Justice Warriors. Just this week famous actor Liam Neeson has found himself in the cross-hairs of these new-age witch hunters. Last week in an interview to promote his latest movie, he was asked about his inspiration for the character he played, a character that had a lot of rage and anger. Neeson recounted an experience from nearly 40 years ago. A close friend of his was raped by a black man, and he said for about a week he went around the area hoping to find a black person and kill him. He was full of rage and anger over what had happened to his friend. 

Now, if that was where he had left it, then I would understand the anger towards him. That is not the end of the story. He went on to say that after a week of this, he came to his senses, realized that what he was doing and thinking was wrong, and went about seeking help. He turned to a priest and close friends to help him change how he was feeling and thinking because he recognized that he was in the wrong. He felt regret and remorse then about his actions, and for some reason that part of his story is being lost to the ravenous virtual mob that are demanding his movies be boycotted. His new movie had its red carpet event cancelled because of it. This is a man who made a mistake, took deliberate steps to change himself and atone for that mistake, and as far as anyone can tell has led a much better life ever since then. Perhaps there is more to this story that I am missing, some details that can lead one to believe that he is still a racist, yet those details are also missing from those who have publicly crucified him on the crosses of social media. The demands for his proverbial head on a platter is pure and utter madness. 

I see this sort of attitude all around me. We are quick to judge and condemn others for making mistakes, and yet when it happens to us we beg for mercy and understanding. We see political opponents as the enemy and paint them as monsters, and yet when one from our own political camp is caught doing heinous and terrible things, we defend them and claim that there is a conspiracy in the works. I am not innocent of it myself. I have been wronged and have sought to color the tale of the injustices done to me to gain favor and sympathy. I am not proud of those moments, and I have tried to repair the damage that I have caused. I have jumped on these bandwagons, sometimes unknowingly, to try to persuade others to my way of thinking and voting. I was never successful. In fact, I learned that such attitudes and approaches of shaming others into siding with you often backfire.

Last year I wrote about forgiveness. I talked about how forgiveness is often done to help the person who was wronged to fully heal, and that it often has nothing to do with the person who caused the offense. There is another facet to forgiveness, one that we as a society need to be reminded of. Forgiveness can help the repentant move on as well, and if we withhold that forgiveness we cause harm of equal measure. In a perfect world nobody would ever cause harm to another, but our world has never been perfect. One of humanity's core pieces of identity is our imperfections. We lie, we steal, we hate, we harm. Our histories are full of tale after bloody tale of wars, genocides, and intolerance. We seem eager to fight those we disagree with for no better reason than to feed our sense of destructive pride. We verbally attack those who have demonstrated racism, sexism, homophobia, or any unjust attitude, and yet when one has expressed regret, remorse, and restitution for their past sins, we refuse them forgiveness. That, my friends, is true injustice.

I think of the truck driver who in April of last year ran a stop sign and killed and grievously injured over two dozen members of the Humboldt Broncos junior hockey team in Saskatchewan. His trial was quick as he entered a guilty plea. He has said that he entered the plea to spare the families of the victims having to relive the event. He has stated that he is broken over his mistake. He is not trying to seek a way out. He is facing up to ten years of jail time, and because he is an immigrant is likely to face deportation after his sentence has been served. The past couple weeks I have read the victim impact statements of the families and loved ones of those hurt and killed by this mans actions. Many of them have offered forgiveness to this man, hoping that he can still have a good and positive life. Others have said that they have not been able to find that forgiveness, but that they want to and are working towards it. I am touched by this scenario, even in the light of the tragic events that brought them to this place. The loved ones who are still grieving their huge loss are wanting the best for the man who caused their pain. It should also be noted, again, that this man has plead guilty to a criminal offense, will likely serve time in prison, and due to his immigration status will almost assuredly be deported upon the completion of his sentence. He is not escaping the consequences of his actions, yet the families of his victims are desiring that he can lead a happy and positive life still. They are offering him a chance to move forward from a difficult situation, and this is happening while others demand blood and sacrifice from a person who long ago repented for acting in a matter that does fully square away with their inflated sense of social propriety. 

Why do some of us demand our pound of flesh from those who have made mistakes? How can we call ourselves enlightened or "woke" when we impede the healing of those who have done wrong and yet have repented of their sins? Are some of us that broken that we feel that the only healing we can find is in punishing the past wrong-doings of others? Are they so jaded that they have allowed themselves to believe in the lie that only by continually punishing someone for a decades-old wrong can justice truly be served? I realize that I am attempting to distance myself from them because I truly do not understand this way of thinking. Perhaps I have taken for granted the forgiveness that I have received at the hands of others. I just find it hard to see this perspective when the futility of it is all but crystal clear to me.

In the end, we are all faced with a choice. When one has erred and is seeking to set things right, we can do one of two things. We can choose to let go of our hatred and anger and allow them be forgiven
or we can withhold it from them and cause them to suffer. We can extend the olive branch of hope and healing, or we can slap them across the face to extract our revenge. We can help them along the path of redemption or we can construct barriers that impede their journey.

We can choose forgiveness or we can further descend into madness.

Forgive Me...

On my home from visiting a friend I was listening to the radio. They were talking about the concept of forgiveness and how men who have sexually assaulted and harassed women were asking the women that they had wronged to forgive them. They had a college professor talk about how asking the women to forgive the men was unethical. They spoke about how the concept of forgiveness from a religious point of view was archaic and counter-productive. Ultimately, they spoke about how these men do not deserve forgiveness and that they should be ashamed for asking such a thing from women. That got me thinking.

The main thought that kept running through my head was that of being troubled by this message. You see, I have been raised in and have always lived a religious life. My church teaches that we should always forgive those who have offended us in any manner. I have been taught that to forgive others is not only a commandment, but it is something that will be beneficial for me. Whenever I hear something that goes contrary to how I have been raised and my core beliefs (spiritual or otherwise), I take notice and evaluate. I do not necessarily evaluate my own beliefs, but rather where this other perspective comes from. In this case, I felt a bit of a conundrum developing.

You see, I truly get where this learned woman is coming from. She too is of a religious nature, and I did not get a chance to listen to the entire interview, but from what I heard she made some very good points. I did, however, feel that there was something missing in her argument. While what she said made sense to me, and to a point I agreed, I couldn't help but feel that something was not quite on point. It has been tumbling through my head all day, and I think I may have figured out what was not making sense to me.

I feel that she, and others, have misunderstood the concept of forgiveness.

I found a definition of forgiveness that I thinks fits here. It is said that forgiveness is a deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition). There are some key things there that are essential to my understanding of forgiveness, and this is what I think the person being interviewed misunderstood. Yes, for us that are religious, there is a belief that God will forgive whom He will, but we must be willing to forgive all. From what I was getting from the interview, the two women who were talking seemed to equate that these powerful men who had done terrible things to women were asking for forgiveness as a means to excuse their past actions, pardoning their sins so to speak. That, my friends, is not the purpose or the goal of forgiveness.

To forgive someone has little if anything to do with the offender. It does not and never should mean that the guilty party should be spared the consequences of their misdeeds. It certainly does not mean that the offending person should be trusted by they who do the forgiving. No, these men that ask for forgiveness for their transgressions should still be punished for their actions. They have done wrong, and must face the proverbial music. That does not mean that I am not in favor of leniency in times where they who have done wrong are truly repentant, and that when one has reformed themselves that they should be allowed to regain what they have lost. Instead, if these men are asking forgiveness so that they may spare themselves the painful consequences of their actions then they are not truly remorseful for their actions. The women they harassed may or may not forgive them, but they should still lose their jobs, their marriages, and their freedoms depending on the severity of their crimes. They should in no way place the blame on their victims. No, the offender does not need to be deserving of forgiveness in order for those harmed to forgive them.

I believe that when God commands us to do something it is because He knows it is in our best interest. God does not give us commandments because of some holy power trip. If He tells us that we should forgive others, then it is because it will be a blessing to us. He does not want us to suffer needlessly, and yet when I see someone who will not forgive someone else, it is usually to their detriment. They hang onto their resentment like an anchor in the ocean, and it only drags them down into darkness. Conversely, forgiving those who have wronged us allows us to find healing more easily and readily. It does not condone the offense, nor does it diminish the severity of the harm we have experienced. It does allow us to move forward from the event without locking us into the pains of the past. We should forgive those who have wronged us not because God wants us to but because it is good for us!

Now I know that many feel that the pains and agony that they have suffered at the hands of others are too much to simply overcome. I never said that forgiveness would ever be easy or simple, only that it is necessary for our overall healing and happiness. We should not have to unconditionally accept that we can trust the offender in order to offer forgiveness. In my own life when it came to forgiveness, I have found that it can be difficult, and to put myself in a situation where I am to put everything back to the way it was is just not feasible. I have had to work at forgiving others. For some, I am still working on it. I have found that to hang on to bitterness and resentment only makes me unhappy. It affects my relationships with those who mean the most to me. Why would I allow a past wrong to have a negative impact on those whom I love most?

Yes, forgiveness can help lift the offender's soul, but that is not really what it is all about. If anything, it is a cherry on top. Regardless of all of that, these ladies (at least for the portion of the interview I heard) were missing the mark as to why God commands us to forgive others. They implied that since God will decide who is to be forgiven that forgiveness is an option for us. Again, it is not. At least, not if we want to truly be free of the negative influence of those who hurt us. Instead, we must see forgiveness as a soothing balm that will help put together our broken spirit. It is the light in the darkness that brings us to safety and peace.

I hope that this is not interpreted as a justification that the men they were discussing should be universally pardoned for their crimes. Instead, it should be seen as a way for these women who were undeserving of the pain they experienced to find some peace and light in their lives. They did not deserve what was done to them, but they do deserve to be able to move on from it. They should see that they are doing this for themselves, that it adds strength and hope to their lives. That it will allow them to rise above their tormentors and truly conquer them. It will not be easy, but it is worth taking that difficult road. There will be many who will help us along that path, and when we reach the end of it we can help those who are struggling to reach the destination that we have found.

If you think this is not possible for you, and that I know nothing of what you are experiencing, then perhaps you are right. I may not know what you are going through. All I can ask of you is that you forgive me my naivety, but please give it a chance. 

Stirring the Pot or Making a Stand

So a few weeks ago I noticed a bit of a trend with articles friends of mine were posting. You see, here in Canada we are less than a week away from the federal election, and more than any other time in history I have found emotions to be running high. One of the main issues that is pushing its way to the front is the idea of national security, but this has de-evolved into a very focused concern with ISIS and radicalised Islamic terrorism. Because there are a lot of legitimately scared people out there, anti-Muslim rhetoric is seeping into what a lot of people are posting. Suffice it to say, I felt prompted to say something about it on Facebook. Here is what I posted on September 23.

OK, I need to get something off of my chest. I apologize for the length of the following status update. I know that many will see the length of this and scroll down to something more entertaining and easier to absorb, and so be it. This is not one of those manipulative “If you really care about X you will like and share” postings, but I do ask you to give this a read because I feel it is an important message that is not being heard enough these days. I thank all of you in advance who will bear with me and read the whole thing, and I understand why some of you won’t.

I have seen a lot of posts these last several weeks on the growing crisis in the Middle East and Europe with respect to refugees. In many of these posts, I am seeing a disturbing trend in these articles that makes me wonder if some of my friends are actually fully reading these articles before sharing them. These articles are reporting on terrible things some of these refugees are doing in Europe. There are implications that some of the refugees being ISIS members who are using this tragedy to infiltrate western countries and continue their war from within (I point out that the articles range in numbers from a few to the majority). There is rampant speculation and mistrust towards Muslims in these articles, and this is what worries me the most. In these articles they talk about the threat that Muslims pose. Note, these articles are not saying "radical Muslims", "extremist Muslims", are even "some Muslims". They say Muslims, as if all Muslims threaten our lives and culture.

To my friends that have fallen into this trap of scaremongering (either unknowingly or willfully), I ask you to consider my perspective. I prefer not to say that I have Muslim friends, because I simply see them as friends. I hate saying I teach Muslim students, because they are simply my students. I don't like saying that I have "Muslim neighbours" because to me, they are my neighbours. However, since many people are talking about Muslims in general terms, then I will speak on behalf of my friends, students, and neighbours who happen to be of the Muslim faith. What I have to say is STOP LUMPING THEM INTO THE SAME GROUP AS THOSE WHO ARE SPREADING TERROR! These are people that I love and respect, because, big surprise, they love and respect me. Many of them have moved to this country to find a better way of life and have sacrificed much to adapt to this country and its culture. They are good, honest people who simply want to live their life and practice their religion in peace. Yes, there are Muslims who try to impose their values and views on others, but that is true of EVERY GROUP, whether it be cultural, religious, or other. They do not deserve to be told to "change the way you dress, the way you speak, etc. or get out of our country". They do not deserve it! Besides, as North Americans, who are we, all immigrants in our own right, to make such a demand when the indigenous peoples of this land were subjugated to our way of life in what was often a brutal and violent manner?

To my friends, I ask you to be careful of what you are posting. When you share articles that discriminate against Muslims, you are participating in the discrimination of people that I care about, and this puts me on the defensive. You are hating my brothers and sisters. You are hating my friends and co-workers. You are hating my students, who I see as my kids. I look at the history of my own church and the rampant mistrust and discrimination that was used against its early members, and ask why should I do the same to another group? I do not forget that in the early days of my church, Mormons were chased from their homes, their leaders beaten and murdered, false charges brought up against its membership, told that they do not belong, to stop imposing their values on others and be like everyone else or be forced to leave. I will not forget that in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave there was an extermination order issued against the members of my church in the state of Missouri. Because I do not forget about this, I will not stand silent when another group of people are facing lies, prejudices, and fear tactics to turn popular opinion against them. Stop feeding the fear. If you really want to stand against those who are inflicting terror against the world (ISIS, Boko Haram, and other extremist groups), then you will stop generalizing that all Muslims are the same. You might as well say that all Christians are like the KKK, or all Vietnamese are like the Viet Cong, or all Russians are commies, or all those who vote conservative are racist intolerant bigots. They aren’t. Please note that when you share a story that says “Are you worried about what Muslims are doing to your country?” or “Muslims will not assimilate into our culture” you are, in fact, implying that you believe that all Muslims are doing this. I hate to break it to you so bluntly, but if that is how you truly feel about Muslims, you are one word: WRONG.

I want you to know that if you are sharing these lies to make a stand for what you believe is “right”, then, my dear friend (and I am sincere with that label), I do not stand with you. I still love you and will call you friend, but on this I stand with the good Muslim people of my community who go to work, try to live their beliefs to the best of their abilities, and every day go about their business. I am not standing with the terrorists. I am not standing with those who are committing despicable acts. I am standing with the people who are being falsely and unjustly painted with the same brush as a terrorist. I am standing with the people I know. I am standing with my Muslim students who give me Christmas presents every year for being their teacher. I am standing with my Muslim friend who came to the open house of my church’s temple in Calgary three years ago. I am standing with my Muslim neighbours who give to the food drive I help organize each year. I am standing with those who would stand with me when people accuse me of being things that I am not because of my religion. You are free to think that I am naïve, or foolish, or a bleeding heart. You might dismiss this as a rambling that is misguided. You may think “When those Muslims hurt someone he loves he will get no sympathy from me because I told him to not trust them”, and I get it. Again, if that is how you think of me, know that you are mistaken. Some of you will likely read this and continue posting and sharing the hate. I can’t stop you. But maybe, just maybe, what I am saying is causing you to rethink a few things. Just maybe this lengthy read might stir inside of you something will cause you to see a woman in a hijab in a different light. Maybe you will delete the articles you have shared from your timeline, and just maybe, you will see my friends, students, and neighbours as I see them. They are children of God, just like you and me. We are brothers and sisters. If we want to stand against the terrorists, then we should embrace the Muslim members of our communities, get to know them, and befriend them more. For those that have endured to the end of this, I thank you.

So there it is. Likely the longest Facebook status update I have ever posted. The overwhelming response has been positive, with most people agreeing with what I said. There were even some that had been sharing some of these worrisome articles that responded in a good manner, agreeing with the gist of what I was saying. I don't know how many people changed their viewpoints on the topic, but many felt that what I had said was something that needed to be said. 

There were a few that were... shall we say, a bit offended at my stand. So be it. It was argued that what I said was divisive. Maybe so, but only to the point where I separated those who understand the fallacy of judging an entire group of people based on the actions of a few and those who cannot or will not let go of their fears or prejudices. More than that, I said what needed to be said. Since that time I have learned that there is a gradual turning around on this subject. More people are becoming aware of the anti-Muslim sentiments and are making their own stands against it. More are realizing the true divisiveness in this issue, and are coming together instead. That gives me hope. As I said in my earlier post, I cannot stand with those who will judge an entire community based on the actions of a few. I have been the victim of that in the past, and I know the harm it causes first hand. I will continue to hope that things will improve. For those who have caused me offence in this experience, I wish them well and forgive them, but I cannot trust them until I see true signs of change. For those I have offended, I hope they will find it in their hearts to forgive myself and others, but there is little I can do to force the issue. I will continue to stand against the evils in the world, whether it be ISIS or the intolerance of those around me. Some may accuse me of being prideful, arrogant, or self-righteous for what I have said. I suspect that they feel this way in order to suppress the twinge they felt in their conscience that suggests that I hit a bit too close to home in them. In the end, a conversation I had with a trusted friend and colleague brought out a great thought. I would rather be accused of loving too freely than to be accused of hating too easily.

My Top Ten List is a list of Ten Things I learned through this experience:

10. We all have valid reasons for believing what do. Even though I disagreed with the anger of one friend, I understood where it came from and accept it.

9. The dangers of "Black and White" thinking. First, there are things in this world that are right, and things that are wrong. Abusing a child is wrong. Rape is wrong. Comforting a crying child is right. Forgiving others is right. Having said that, there is a risk involved with seeing everything as Black or White, Right or Wrong, with no middle ground or spectrum. The danger is not being able to see the beauty in all the colour that is in the world. 

8. Making a stand can be divisive. At least, that was one thing I was accused of. I didn't think so, but maybe there is some truth to it. It separated those that will see people for who they truly are from those that will judge and hate an entire group based on the actions of a few.

7. Making a stand can be unifying. So often we worry about the differences we have with others. So often we get caught up over how we disagree with who someone else votes for, or whether or not we see eye-to-eye with someone on all things. When a stand is made on solid moral ground, we see others of all walks come together to stand with you. Of that I am thankful.

6. What's done is done, what's said is said. You may not have liked the outcome to your fullest liking, but you can't undo that which you have done. Accept it and move on.

5. It is hard to let go (but should still be encouraged). Some people have deep-seeded reasons for how they feel, for better or for worse. We cannot expect others to let go immediately of their fears or prejudices, but that doesn't mean that we stop encouraging them.

4. Spring cleaning can be done at any time. We need to periodically do an inventory of our life and start getting rid of things that bring us down. That can include relationships. If nothing else, this event helped me remove some negative influences in my life.

3. Standing alone often speaks for the many. One of the main comments I received over and over was the idea that what I had the courage to say was a message that many were hoping would be said. When we take that first step to speak out, we may initially feel that we will be alone on this matter. What ends up happening is that we find we are surrounded by many who agree with us standing by us. 

2. Standing for what is right has a cost, but that shouldn't make the stand any less right. Seldom is this type of stand easy to make. Seldom is it popular. Many instances in history show that making a stand for what is right will lead to a cost. This time around, it likely cost me some respect and friendship in the eyes of a few. I said some hard things, that is true. I felt compelled to say them, and I do not regret what I did for a moment. 

1. Take courage. I debated what I was going to write for quite a while. I wrote and edited the original post several times before it was something I felt good about posting. Some suggested that maybe I should not have posted it at all if it made even one person upset. I just couldn't. For too long those thoughts had rolled around in my brain. For too long I had seen people that, for the most part, were sharing ideas that I felt were hidden and not truly their own. It took courage to post what I did. It was the right thing to do. I sense many people were positively affected by this. It brings me peace to know that good has come of this.

Weighing In - True Hypocrisy, Real Redemption, and the Search for Justice

I normally do not weigh in on big current topics in this blog, but over the past several weeks there has been one story in pop culture that has been causing me much frustration. The hypocrisy involved in this story is truly disheartening, and I feel that I should say something about it. I am speaking of the Duggar family, and the recent revelation that the eldest son of this family, Josh Duggar, was guilty of sexually molesting five young girls, four of whom were his sisters. This happened while Josh was 14  to 15 years old. Without going through the details, the way he acted was horrible and disgusting, and it broke my heart to know that once again young children were victimized in such a way. The resulting media frenzy and shouts of indignation was expected, and many people called for a boycott of the show. The show has since been taken off of the air, and everyone from Piers Morgan to Sarah Palin have taken it upon themselves to publicly weigh in on the scandal. People are taking sides, and Josh Duggar, along with his parents, is getting a full blasting from all angles.

So why have I waited so long to weigh in on this? Why am I weighing in on this at all? Let me answer the second question first. Let me say I have never watched a full episode of the show. Most reality shows simply do not interest me. My wife, however, is a fan, so I have caught parts of episodes and know enough to have an opinion. While I do not find the show interesting, I did not find it offensive either. I have no problem with a show like this being on the air. In fact, I wish there were more shows that sowed good family values without the profanity and immorality that is so pervasive these days. When this story first broke, I was surprised by the revelation, but sadly not surprised by the response. I weigh in now because I think that although I have never been molested, I have great sympathy for those who have been. I feel that such actions are terrible and is among the worst of such actions. I felt that I needed to say something about what I was watching happen, so I decided earlier that I would write something on it.

So why now? Why not when it first broke? Why not join in the plethora of people who were flooding the internet and social media with their opinions on the story? Simple, I want as much of the facts a s possible before I started to pass judgement, and in a story such as this those facts come with time. I wanted to hear both sides of the story, not just assume I could know what everyone involved was feeling. So I waited. I read. I listened. I had discussions. Now, I feel I have enough information to say something, and I want to address the two biggest issues I feel are at the heart of this.

First: hypocrisy. It is a word that has been batted back and forth in this issue. Celebrity after celebrity, pundit after pundit, average person after average person has used this word. Most of the time it is directed at the Duggar clan. Josh because he professes to be a Christian, his parents because they have been silent on the matter, the sisters for forgiving their brother for their transgression. Over and over they are being labeled as "hypocrites". Unfortunately for those people, they are wrong about their use of the word. A hypocrite is one who espouses a certain value or belief and then acts in a way that is in direct opposition to said value of belief. I do not see that in the Duggars. They profess to be Christian, which many erroneously equate to professing to be perfect. Christians are not perfect. It is unfair to hold such an expectation to anyone. Being Christian means using the teachings and example of Jesus Christ to improve their lives in a way that promotes goodness. Yes, we all falter and make mistakes. Josh made a huge one. Being Christian means we hope to avoid such mistakes, but when they happen, it also means that we seek to make things right. To repent. To forgive. To redeem ourselves.

So if the Duggars are not hypocrites in my eyes, then who are? I ask, why does there need to be hypocrites in this story? I can label any number of people as such, but would I be any different? There have been many names thrown about of people who have admitted to being molesters of children, and some have been championed by those who eschew hatred towards the Duggars, but really, it's not my place to acknowledge them as hypocrites until I have been able to seek out the information that I did for Josh. So I will leave it there for now. All I can say is that I do feel that many are attacking the Duggars more harshly than others because of the fact that what Josh Duggar did as a youth is in direct conflict with the beliefs that they cherish and share now. If Josh had been an atheist, a card carrying Democrat, or one who championed a life of liberalism or immoraltiy, would the outcry have been as fierce? I think not.

This leads me to my second issue: redemption. At issue for me, more than anything else, is the issue of redemption. It has been said over and over that what Josh did to his sisters was deplorable (which I agree with), evil (again, agree), disgusting (still agreeing), and unforgivable (THAT I do not agree with). I agree with my whole heart that those actions were wrong, but I cannot accept that he is beyond redemption. Let us look at the facts, shall we? Josh Duggar did this as a youth, which the law states should be treated differently than if it happened when he was an adult. This is not a "kids will be kids" argument, but there is evidence that suggests to me that kids, even 15 year old boys, do not always fully grasp what the implications of their actions are. That is where parents come in. While many disagree with how Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar may have handled it, let's not assume that we would have done things differently. And while I am addressing the topic of the parents, let us point out a few things here on how they handled it. First, they listened to their son (not too bad a start). They disciplined him. When the behaviour continued, they took action to both protect their daughters and to get help for Josh. Again, while many may state that they should have done things differently, there is no truth in the idea that this was a cover-up on the part of the parents. They spoke to the police, and things were handled. So I feel that the parents did the best they knew how to do, and nobody can rightfully accuse otherwise.

So Josh spent time away from his family, getting counselling, and learning how to change and be a better person, to avoid such actions again. Before he married his wife, heck, before they became engaged, he told her everything that happened. She forgave him. The sisters he molested have forgiven him. His parents have forgiven him. Anyone who seems to be directly affected by this (with the possible exception of the fifth victim, which is still a missing piece of the puzzle), has forgiven him. The records were sealed under court order to protect not just him, but his sisters. So when the dirt was spilled, the darkness revisited, and the victims re-victimized, countless voices called for the head of Josh Duggar on a silver platter. This is my greatest concern with this story: a man cannot find redemption. Why was it so easy for people to forgive others, but not the Duggars? If Josh has truly changed his ways and is no longer doing such things, why can we not leave him be? If people are truly looking to protect his victims, why are they not raising a bigger outcry over the fact that these sealed records have been leaked and opened, forcing the girls to relive their pain

I noticed a cover of a magazine that was spear-heading the attack on the Duggars. One line caught my attention. It read "Doctor says Josh Duggar will always be a sexual predator". While I always find it amusing that most tabloid magazines will find one run-of-the-mill "specialist" who has an opinion that works for their story and then run with it as if this person speaks for all of humanity, let us assume that this doctor is correct. Does that mean that Josh will eventually recommit those heinous actions of his youth? What if it is true, that he will always have those temptations? Does that mean that he should be locked away for life? Does that mean that he deserves to have his life, the lives of his family, forever destroyed? Nope, not in my books. We look at someone like Robert Downey Jr., who has battled substance abuse most of his life. He did some pretty bad things that damaged not only himself but a lot of people around him. He did jail time for his crimes. And he redeemed himself. He got help, made amends, cleaned his life up, and stayed sober for many years. Why did people flock to forgive him? Is it because he is a Holywood A-list celebrity? Is Josh Duggar, as a reality TV Celebrity, not high profile enough to receive forgiveness? A drug addict will always be a drug addict, yet we celebrate their years of sobriety as a testament to them having conquered their demons. So again, why does Josh Duggar not get the same treatment. Again, I can't help but think if he was anyone but a reality-show high profile devout Christian, he would.

I am well aware that there are those for whom sexual molestation of children is an extremely sensitive subject, and they may find it hard to trust, believe, or forgive those who have been accused of such behaviour. They could say that Josh Duggar is, always has been, and always will be a molester. So be it. Quite frankly, they are entitled to their opinion. I am not saying that Josh will or will not offend again, If he does, then he must pay the price for those transgressions. What I am hoping for is that people will extend the same courtesy we would hope for ourselves with our own past transgressions. I hope that some who throw rocks at Josh from their glass houses will pause a moment and ask themselves what they want to accomplish in this. I pray that Josh does not do repeat this behaviour, but I worry that with so many people condemning him without really listening to his side that the pressure will create a self-fulfilling prophecy. That will in no way take away any accountability on his part, but I have heard from recovering addicts that they are far more likely to slip back into old, destructive behaviour if they perceive everyone around them as constantly expecting it and not wanting them to have a second chance.

In the end, I hope that this story will fade away and eventually be forgotten. I hope that Josh Duggar can fully get beyond this. Whether or not it was right that this be brought into the public eye is irrelevant now.What is relevant is what we do next. I know there are those who will always hate the Duggars for Josh's actions, but I feel they were hating them before these came to light. Some who are Christian have turned their backs on the Duggars. To them, I remind us all of the parable of the unmerciful servant that Christ gave us in Matthew 18. In this parable, the story of a servant who owes his Lord a large sum of money begs to have his debt forgiven. The Lord forgives him the debt, and the servant goes to one of his fellow servants and demands that his colleague repays a much smaller, almost insignificant debt. When the fellow servant says he cannot, the first servant throws him in prison. When the Lord hears of this act of unmerciful behaviour, he calls the first servant wicked and throws him to the tormentors. In the last verse of the Chapter, Jesus tells us all: So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.


If I, who have not committed such grievous sins as Josh Duggar has, deserve forgiveness, then it would be a greater sin to not forgive Josh Duggar and his family any wrong-doing they may have done. I will let the Lord decide on their case, and let them be. I hope those who read this will do the same.