Pushing On

So this Spring Break is going down as one of the least enjoyable. We said a sad good-bye to our beloved Annie just over a week ago. It still hurts. The house seems a bit more empty with her passing. She went so peacefully and quickly. My sister, Tara, was the vet who administered the dose. She and her staff at Calgary North Veterinary Hospital were wonderful and understanding. We had Annie cremated at the Humane Society. I found her at an animal shelter so it made sense to me have her end at one. Again, the staff I dealt with were very compassionate. Heather and Barbara were with me the whole time, except for a bit before I left her to be cremated. I had a moment to speak to her and say my peace. In the days following I have found that simple things evoke strong emotions. Finding small clumps of her hair in the carpet, putting away her food dish, a touching statue a friend gave us over a year ago, even looking at where she would look out the front window and watch the world pass by can warm my heart and weeping like a small child. Her loss has hit me much more profoundly than I had anticipated. I am glad we waited until Spring Break to allow me to grieve without the responsibilities of work hanging overhead. So for now I move on and remember the good times. I do not fight the tears, but find the appropriate place to shed them. I think that not only do tears cleanse the body but also the soul.

It was unfortunate that only Annie's passing seemed to go according to schedule. After coming home from the humane society I became afflicted with a bad cold that has laid me out almost every day since. That squashed our plans on a weekend trip to Edmonton. Today was the best I have felt (physically) the whole break, and instead of going this weekend we thought that staying in Calgary will be enough. I want to be as healthy as possible when I go back to work this Monday. I hope that this Friday we will be able to have a really good, fun-filled day. I need it. My beloved wife, entering her last weeks of this pregnancy, has been supremely supportive of me. Barbara has developed a sweet side that has her wiping Daddy's tears even though she does not understand why he is crying. I have had many good friends, mostly through Facebook, come and provide support as well. So I push on, and look forward to seeing my colleagues and students on Monday.

Before my Top 10 list, a video that a former principal and good friend shared with me.

Top 10 Things I Miss Most About Annie

10. Her hair all over the house. Yes, she was a shedder (too bad she was not Irish, then she could be an Irish Shedder!). I know others in my household are feeling relief over not having to vacuum as much, but I would gladly have Annie back even if I had to vacuum every day.

9. Her sneaking up onto the couch. Everyone else did not want her to, but I was OK with it. She had as much of a right as every person in the family does.

8. Cleaning up Barbara's discarded food. Those who are happy about the lack of vacuuming know the trade off now.

7. Taking walks. She loved it when I grabbed her leash. I forget the countless hours we spent roaming the areas where we lived. I could even take her without the leash because she would always come when called.

6. Chocolate hound. Who doesn't love sneaking a chocolate here and there. Annie sure did. Her last night I gave her some of the last of the Belgian chocolates I was given for Christmas.

5. How she greeted everyone who visited. She was loud, barking, and friendly. Our way of saying "Welcome to our home."

4. Her TV enthusiasm. She would love to watch TV and bark and jump whenever there were other animals on. I even remember her getting so excited once that she chased a dog that ran off of the screen into the next room thinking that it had run off in there. It was always entertaining for company to see.

3. Barbara's love for her first dog. Annie didn't take well to Barbara at first, but Barbie sure loved Annie. Annie was very patient and protective, even if she found the toddler to be annoying. I find it an unfortunate blessing that Barbara will not likely miss Annie the same way. I will try to help her remember the old girl

2. Coming home. I could always count on Annie to come to greet me whenever I came home. She was always happy to see me.

1. She always wanted to get love and affection, and return it all without judgement or prejudice. She was such a dog that way. Perfect.

Puppy Love

I thought I would write this blog now, because if I wait until after the dreaded event then I might not be able to keep my thoughts and emotions straight. What I want to do with this blog is pay tribute to one of the most trusted, loyal, loving, and cherished souls that I have ever encountered in this life before this soul is gone. I am referring to my beloved Annie.

Let me begin by saying that she is not sick or dying (at least not that I know of), but she is very old. This last winter has been very hard on her. She has slowed down a lot and is showing her age. Basically, the day is coming where she will move on to the next life. Some who read this may not know this about me, but I believe that animals, humans included, have a spirit that moves on after this life is done. This gives me some comfort, but does not cause me any sort of anticipation other than the dreadful kind as I realize that Annie has far fewer days ahead than behind. I have had a difficult few weeks as her condition becomes more real to me.

Let me give you the history. When I lived in Weyburn, Saskatchewan, I was married to someone else who, among many things, was a dog lover. She had brought with us her aged canine, Shelby, who was herself quite elderly. If my memory serves me correctly she was about 13 when we arrived in Weyburn. Shelby was well trained in almost every way. My wife wanted to have another dog for Shelby to play with, so she went to the local humane society where she found Annie. Originally the shelter called her "Addie". We were told she was a bit of an escape artist, which is still true to this day, but that she had a heart of gold (also true today). I was introduced to her, and felt that she would be good for the family. First order of business was to rename her. "Addie" was a bit awkward for me, but "Annie" seemed the perfect fit. The first night she spent with us was tough on Annie. She was friendly enough, but was a bit unsure of herself in her new surroundings. She had been found on the street, and for all I knew had spent all of her life there. I sensed in her a need for security, so at night I took her into my bed and allowed her to snuggle up beside me. She calmed down quickly and fell asleep. A bond was formed that night, and very soon it was apparent that Annie decided she would be my dog.

We were never quite sure how old Annie was when she came to us. She was young, but pretty much fully grown, so my best guess would have been at least a year old, likely closer to two. She lived up to her reputation as an escape artist, but would always come running when I called her. For having lived on the streets for most of her life, she quickly became a house dog. She loved to run and play outside, exploring the world and stalking neoghbourhood critters, but she would always be ready to come back and stay where her humans were. When we would leave to visit Alberta and wanted to leave the dogs behind, we left them with some good friends who lived on a farm outside of town. Annie was given the opportunity to have free reign of their place, but rarely spent more than about 15 minutes outside before she was whimpering at the door, wanting to be with people. She also had a love of other animals. Sometimes that love was in the vein of cuddling up, as with kittens, and sometimes it was of the "I love to chase them and eat them", as it was with squirrels. I imagined that the squirrels in our back yard were at war with our dogs, and Annie was relentless. She also loved watching animals on TV. It took her a while to realize that when a dog on TV ran out of the screen it did not jump into the next room, but we could count on her being glued to the TV whenever a nature show or a pet food commercial came on. It was great fun watching her jump and bark at monkeys and ducks that were selling us cereal and insurance.

Annie did have a few issues when she arrived. She would chew things up when she was nervous. We lost a couch, a few pillows, and our wedding quilt to her chewing. She did not kennel very easily, and my wife at the time hated making Annie do things that she did not like. Many times we would come home and find things torn apart and scattered all over the house. She also had not been properly house trained, so we had more than a few messes to clean up. We bought mats that the guy at the pet store promised were designed to be irresistible to a dog who needed to empty their bladder or colon. We came home to find that she had shredded the mat and then pooped everywhere but the mat. I started to consider finding a new home for her (I think it was when she tore up three $20 bills left on the table), but in all honesty it was more frustration because I could not let her go. I learned that by showing her disapproval was the most effective way of helping her overcome her bad habits. When Daddy was disappointed, she knew it, and felt horrible for that. She has not gone in the house for a long time and only chews stuff up if she thinks there is a treat in it.

The end of my five year stint in Saskatchewan began with my wife leaving me. I have touched on this in other posts, but I will say that the only thing I was willing to fight tooth and nail for was Annie. Everything else could have gone up in smoke, but I needed my dear friend at my side if I was going to get over all of this. When I moved into Tara's basement the bond between Annie and I intensified. Many nights were spent with me crying, and Annie would push her nose under my arm for a cuddle to help us both feel better. Through the 10+ years that I had Annie she got me through every trial I faced. Yes, others got me through them as well, but this is a post about Annie, so let's give her the props she deserves. She never judged me, was always happy to see me, and stayed loyal to me when others would not. Nobody has ever shown that kind of devotion because only a dog is capable of it.

When Heather and the boys came into the picture, Annie took an instant liking to them. I think she knew that our two families were going to be joined together. Yes, there was adjustment. People could not leave chocolate lying around, because Annie would get it. She sheds and vacuuming became more common. Annie still sneaks up onto the couch whenever she can, and yes she knows she is "not allowed" to, but I don't care. She still barks her head off whenever company comes, but she sees herself as the protector. Barbara was a bit of a put-off to Annie, but she would still put herself between Barbara and the door just in case. Barbara of course loves Annie, and Annie is finding that now that Barbara drops food on the floor for her, she isn't all that bad after all. Annie was welcomed into the family likely better than I was because she just loves everyone unconditionally.

So I watch her now, much more grey than black and white, and my heart breaks a little. It feels unfair sometimes that our pets generally die long before we do. I wish I could have Annie with me forever, and in a way I will, but I wish most of all to never forget her. Annie will not be the first pet I have lost. Many childhood memories are filled with the love of pet cats, dogs, rabbits, and even a duck or two. I will miss Annie as much as I miss Snoopy, Tasha 1 and Tasha 2, Odo and Quark, Tasselhoff, and others. I will probably miss her just a little bit more. I won't be running out to get another dog right away, but there will be more pets in my future I am sure. For now, I hug Annie a little more, help her up the stairs when she needs it, and brace myself for the sad day that feels ever so close. I hope she makes it through this winter, but doubt she will make it through the next.

Thank you Annie for giving me joy and being my dog.

Update: March 24, 2014. On this day, I take Annie to the vet (Tara, actually) to bid my final farewell to this loyal and trusted companion. Every boy deserves a faithful dog, and Annie was one of this man's Best Friends. Rest well my dear, say Hi to anyone I know you encounter, and know that you are special to me. I love you. Goodbye.

Friendship

There are all sorts of friends out there. Best friends, casual friends, soul mates, kindred spirits, buddies, blokes, even Facebook friends. Some friends come, some go, some stay with you long after they are gone. There are many theories on how to make, earn, and keep friends. There are many songs and poems written on the subject. The support of a friend can be the one difference maker during a crisis. The let down of a friend can be among the most painful of hurts. The love of a friend can make a dark world seem bright as day, while the betrayal of a friend can devastate one beyond consolation. Epictetus said "In prosperity it is very easy to find a friend; in adversity, nothing is so difficult." Samuel Johnson wisely stated f a man does not make new acquaintances as he passes through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair." A Nigerian proverb advises to "Hold a true friend with both hands", while an Assyrian proverb says "Tell me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are".

I have been fortunate with friends. I have not always had many, but the ones that I do have are precious to me. My best friend in elementary school was a kid by the name of Mark Miller. I remember him initially as the kid that stayed in at recess to eat glue. Maybe that was why he stuck with me when the bullying started. In high school, I was lucky to have a couple close friends from church: Matt Harker and Dan Oler, who are still good friends today. Their wives have also become trusted friends to me. I am truly lucky to see many of my family members, including my parents, become friends. There are several at church and work who are friends, and others that have come in and out of my life over the years that have been great friends. Of course, my best friend would be my beloved Heather, and I hope that Barbara and Kid #2 will also develop into friendships as they get older.

I know that all friendships change over time. Sometimes people drift apart. Sometimes the friendship was only on the surface, and that was fine for what it was. There are times when people move into different phases of their lives, and many of the friends do not move on with them. Circumstances change, contact becomes infrequent, and absence makes the heart fonder. Despite this, when those connections become reestablished, the friendship picks up where it left off, with many stories to exchange in the name of catching up. It is important to work at maintaining friendships, but keep in mind that change is natural and relationships of any kind evolve.

It is this thought of friendship that causes me to reflect on one unexpected and very rewarding friendship that has grown over the last few years. Five years ago I started full time teaching science at FFCA High School. Many of the staff members there quickly came to mean a great deal to me as they were welcoming and supportive. I have had great relationships with many of them during those five years, but there is one that I wish to touch on today. A few weeks into my tenure, I was heading to the parking lot for the drive home when this teacher in the English department introduced herself to me. We talked for several minutes, and for some strange reason I felt like going into the whole reason for my coming to Calgary. It amazed me that I was so comfortable talking to her about this. It became apparent that we had much in common. Over the next few months and into the next few years, I came to value the friendship of one Pamela Hunnisett.

Pam, or Hunni as I call her, is a rare individual indeed. Over the last five years I have learned what great gifts and talents she has. She is one of those people who will listen to anybody's point of view. She may not share it, but she will validate it with you. She gives great advice and exudes a wisdom that is sound and refreshing. She has a heart of gold and the mouth of a sailor. She loves her students as if they were her own, and many of them think of her as "Mom". This allows her to be able to say things to them that may be hard to hear from other teachers, but because it comes from her they are more receptive to the feedback. She is even more devoted to her own family. She is a sought after expert on the use of blogs in teaching and has made several presentations on the matter. She is a favourite teacher of many students (and even among teachers). She has many passions, including reading, drama, and creative writing. It was Hunni that helped me on the road to confronting, processing, and finally healing the experiences of my youth that I have carried with me for many years. It was Hunni that saw a place for me in the One Act program of our school. It was Hunni that suggested that I play the part of Chef Louis in this year's production of the Little Mermaid. She is an anchor to me in this world. In one week she will leave for a six month leave in Argentina. I will miss her during that time. I will miss popping by at the end of the day to chat or watch her in action as she helps students become better writers. I will the moments when she gets to spend some time with Barbara (mutual adoration with those two). So much I will miss, but I know how valuable this time will be for her, so I will be content that it will only be for six months (you hear that Hunni? ONLY 6 MONTHS!)

So, in her honor, and since she is such a fan of my sweet little Barbie, I give you the Top Ten list of Cute Things Barbara Has Said in the Past Ten Days (or so):

10. "Star Wars Colors!". One of her new favorite books.
9. "Bye bye. See you later!" She says this to practically everyone when they leave the house, room, etc.
8. "Yummy!" said everytime she has blueberries, toast and jam, and chocolate.
7. "No no no no no no". Her response to the questions "What does Mommy/Daddy/Dustin/Dayton say?"
6. "Blah blah dah dah HI!" is what she says when she reads the book "Effie the Ant" to herself.
5. "Oooo, tasty!" Said tonight when I gave her potatoes.
4. "Big!" (said loudly and deep) "Little! (said softly and high pitched). This is her reading the Star Trek Book of Opposites when we get to the page that has "big" and "little" on it.
3. "Manamana. Doo doo doo doo". Yup, watching Muppet Show with her is paying off.
2. "Night night sleep!". She says this when she curls herself up on big giraffe pillow. It is usually accompanied by fake snoring sounds.
1. When I asked her what different animals say, she is pretty good. A week ago, however, I asked her what a frog says, instead of her usual "Rib-bit" she says "YAY!". Yup, watching those Muppet Show episodes with her is definitely paying off.

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

Here we go, one more year winding down and a new one fast approaching. As is custom at this time of year we look back at what was and look forward to what might be. It is a time where we celebrate our past victories and resolve to have more in the time to come. In church today I learned that January is named after the mythological god Janus, the god of the doorway with two faces. One face looks back and reflects upon the past while the other looks forward into the future. Quite appropriate (and now I have taught you something, and on my vacation from teaching no less!). As I look back and forward I am struck by the reality of the present moment and wonder. I wonder about what I have learned and how it might be used to face whatever is coming.

To say that 2013 has been anything less of interesting and event-filled would grossly inaccurate. Much has happened in the world. There were new discoveries made, of which the ancient platypus was one of my favourites. Politics proved entertaining, usually for the wrong reasons. Nenshi proved to us in actions what makes a great mayor, while over in Toronto their Chris-Farley-Tribute-Mayor has given our country international attention of the most undesirable kind. Justin Trudeau came out in favour of marijuana legalization (the dope) and Harper's government is being rocked for a Senate scandal. South of the border we saw the government shut down because neither side wants to play nicely with each other, and people overall became even more disillusioned with politics. The entertainment world brought us more of the same in music, movies, and TV. We had the Boston marathon bombing, a royal prince born, and we paid a sad farewell to Nelson Mandella, undoubtedly one of the 20th century's greatest champions. The old pope resigned, and a new perspective came with the new pope. Lance Armstrong fessed up to cheating in the Tour de France (another dope). Floods hit southern Alberta with a vengeance. Syria continues to be embroiled in civil war. The Parti Quebecois proposed a Charter of Values that is as discriminatory as they come and ignited a national debate on secularism vs freedom of religion. Yet with all this going on, the world pushed forward. We saw heroes emerge from many of these tragedies. We watched people come together in peace and understanding. Still, I have to admit that on a global scale I think 2013 took as back a few steps as a society.

On the personal side, 2013 was a great year. Barbara turned 1 and went from crawling to walking to running. She is talking more and more each day. The best experience of the year with her was at teacher interviews earlier this month where Heather brought her by so we could have dinner together, and when Barbie saw me across the gym called out "DADDY!" and started running towards me. I went to the temple almost every week (several times twice a week), and visited the temples in Salt Lake City, Oquirrh Mountain, Jordan River, and Las Vegas. The zoo was shut down by the floods and several animals from the South America building had to find homes in other zoos, so I was forced to say good-bye to the male white faced gibbon Tunku who was a key piece in my personal healing when I first moved to Calgary. School went great, church has been wonderful, and I have had great reunions and experiences with friends and family. Most notable of those was my trip to the Vegas Star Trek convention with Matt Harker, where we met almost the entire DS9 cast and had our photo taken with William Shatner. I met Weird Al Yankovic, Wil Wheaton, Garrett Wang, and others at two comic expos. My gal bladder sad "adios" in May and put me out of commission for a few weeks, and I was able to live a dream by playing Chef Louis in my school's production of "The Little Mermaid" just a few weeks ago. Heather and I were happy to announce the impending arrival of our second sometime around May 13 next year. So while the rest of the world stepped back a bit, our lives went forward in so many great ways.

So as I look back at what was, I turn to what I would like to see change. Here is my Top Ten List of Things I Saw in 2013 That I Don't Want to See Again in 2014 (and yes, I know that we will see these things, or at least similar things, and that I personally have no control over it. It's simply a wish list).

10. Bro Country. I am a country music fan, and I must admit that this year much of what I heard was disappointing. From a hip-hop tone to every song sounding the same I find this new "Bro Country" as it is called lacks the soul and heart that drew me to country music initially. I have actually begun listening more to CBC Radio than Country 105. What was wrong with mainstream country music this year? Well, I could make a list, but this video sums it up for me:
 
Suffice it to say, I do not identify much with much of what's on country radio these days. Yeah, I feel this way because I'm getting older.

9. YOLO, which in case you did not know, stands for "You Only Live Once". While the slogan itself is not at issue, it is how I have heard it used, usually by teens. They use it as a reason to justify doing stupid things. They will make a decision that they know is wrong and brush it off with a casual "YOLO". Well, guess what, it's true, you only live once, but why intentionally make so many stupid choices that leave you with regret and pain. you are not being funny or clever. You are admitting that doing the wrong thing has no consequences. I would rather you use YOLO to justify making the right decisions. Standing up to the bully, telling the truth, holding back unnecessary harsh words, those are the things that you should do because you only live once.

8. Reality Show Offs. There are too many reality shows that give an unrealistic representation of reality. If I see one more Honey Boo Boo, I'm going to lose it.

7. Miley Cyrus. Enough said.

6. Miley Cyrus. Yup, I repeated myself. That's how much I want to see her disappear.

5. Proper Top Billing in movies. Last Saturday I saw the Hobbit with my wife. Ian McKellan, who plays the important role of Gandalf, was only in the film for what seemed to be a fraction of the time that Martin Freeman, who plays the title character, was, and yet Sir Ian was the first name in the credits. Forget that Armie Hammer plays the Lone Ranger in this year's movie of the same name, Johnny Depp who plays the sidekick is better known so give him top billing. Please. I get it that in Hollywood image is everything, but I find it cheapens the movie a bit when the bigger stars in smaller roles are listed before the actors that play the main character. Of course, this is not new. In 2010 Alice in Wonderland the actress who played Alice was listed FIFTH after all the bigger stars, even though she was in the most scenes and played the title character. Ah, the egos of Hollywood.

4. Cyber-bullying. I have struggled for many years to come to grips with the effects of the bullying that I faced as a youth. I have made much progress, much of which came from helping students with bullying that they face. As I look back at this year, I am so grateful that there were no cell phones or the internet that could have been used against me the way I see it used today. There were some high profile suicides of teens who were bullied. As I listened to the debate, there are still some who feel that bullying and suicide are not connected. It saddens me that some will shut their eyes to the pains of bullying, and the internet allows many bullies to remain anonymous. And sadly it is more than the young who involve themselves in this. The way people treat each other in comment sections, chat rooms, etc. cause me concern for the future. I wish that all of us would use the internet with respect and compassion.

3. Profanity is Everywhere. I get it, people like to swear and cuss. Fine. For some, it is a habit, other times it is used to make a "point", and for some it is a part of who they are. What I am having issue with is that we are becoming more acceptable of it in places that used to be "kid friendly". I could turn on the radio and listen to music without having to hear certain words. The list of words I don't hear is getting shorter, and it seems that some artists just don't care anymore. Of course, that is because we as society are having more acceptance of it. People are allowing it, and when someone complains they are told that they are being too old fashioned. Hey, just because manners is old fashioned does not mean it is outdated.

2. The Idea that Uncouth is Cool. TV shows, music, comedy, movies, art, literature, etc. is become more ripe with envelope pushing. This ties into my #3, but encompasses more than just language. I have had people tell me that it is all about freedom of expression and against censorship. I get that. Does it mean I have to agree that it is acceptable to up the level of sex, violence, gore, vulgarity, etc., just to stay "On the edge" or "relevant?". Point in case, Miley Cyrus. To keep her career relevant, she needed to be controversial. Forget about relying on talent and ability, she felt that she needs to get rid of all self-dignity and become the anti-Disney. It shocks people, which gets attention, which then has us thinking that these things are acceptable, so that 5 years later some other up and coming talent has to raise the bar higher (or should it be lower) to make a name for themselves. When this becomes society's focus, is it any wonder that the world seems a bit murkier?

1. Strength Isn't What It Used to Be. Over this year, I have noticed that some societal voices have tried to redefine what strength is. There have been many different examples over the last few years of people who believe that to be strong means to be rude, belligerent, and to beat down those who oppose you. Yes, this is not a new idea, but it has become more than just the good guy rides into town and beats up the bad guys when they attack him. Look into the political ring, and you will see debate has degenerated into the exchange of insults and put downs. No new ideas are proposed, only degrading your opponent. I am tired of those who try to tell us what strength is. This new year, I want to get the message out that qualities like KINDNESS, HUMILITY, COMPASSION, and TENDERNESS are STRENGTHS, not weaknesses. There is more than enough crass in the world; what we need is more CIVILITY. There is plenty of disrespect with those who differ in opinion, belief, and culture; we need more HONEST RESPECT. There has been more than enough action taken without the care of consequences when what is needed is more THOUGHT and RESPONSOBILITY.

Merry Christmas to All

It is one of my favourite times again, the winter holiday season. I love Christmas time, and having a little girl who is truly experiencing it for the first time is adding so much of the magic again. Yes, last year Barbara was happy to have presents to unwrap, but she is really getting into the swing of things this year. She loves the rocking polar bear that moves as "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" plays, she recognizes Santa, she loves the German Christmas cookies I got at the Edelweiss Village, she thinks all Christmas lights are "pretty", and she enjoys reading the nativity books Heather bought for her. It brings much joy to my heart to see her pure innocence and happiness that this season is bringing. It truly is a joyful time.

To be honest, I have also found Christmas this year to be more hectic than usual. I'm not sure how it happened or why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I am finding that my own pace is a wee bit slower than I would like to remember. Maybe it is the extra things that I added onto my plate this year. Maybe it's that little bundle of energy that learned to take her first few steps a few months ago and has been running around ever since. Regardless of which I need to take some time to remember the real reasons that make this time special for me.

For me, Christmas has mostly been about family. As mine is growing (just under five months for the newest little Andrews to enter the world) I find that I must make the most of family not just during these festive times but all year long. I plan on avoiding the stereotype of a father who does not have time for his kids or wife. My best memories of Christmas past has always included family. The great food my mother used to make was often made with us kids. Buying the right gift for a brother or sister was always a careful ordeal. Having the entire family together for Mom's last Christmas was so very important, even though we did not know that it would be her last. It is one of the many blessings that I found looking back that we were able to do that for her. Since Heather has entered my life there have been many great Christmas memories with more family. I realise that many of us look back with a bit of hurt and pain at Christmas memories with family no longer with us. I volunteer at Zoo Lights, and this past Friday I spoke to a woman who was at the wishing tree. She said her family felt she was foolish writing down a wish that she knew she couldn't receive. She lost her son six years ago and wanted him back. She slipped away before I could say much more than I was sorry for her loss. I wanted to give her a hug from her son. I hope someone else will be able to do that for her.

Christmas has also been about looking for the best in things and people. It is about reaching out to those that are all around us with a smile, a hug, a helping hand, a donation, or just a listening ear. It is about going a little out of your way to perform a small act of kindness. It is about finding that little bit of forgiveness to someone who wronged us that we just have been thus far unable or unwilling to give. Christmas is to bring about joy to the world through our actions and our words. It is about bring to pass the peace on Earth and goodwill to men that we sing about but often do little to comprehend. There is love and sweetness that should be woven into the fabric of this holiday season if we are to truly to get the most out of it.

Yes, I have some silly Christmas traditions. I now own every single Muppet Christmas special (although I cannot find the disc for the Muppet Christmas Carol for some reason) that exists, including the before ever elusive Muppet Family Christmas. I cannot have a good Christmas without some lebkuchen, of which now that I know where the prime place in Calgary to acquire them will ever be a staple again. I need to listen to as many parodies of the 12 Days of Christmas I can find (my favourites being the 12 Pains of Christmas and the classic Mackenzie Brother version). That's all well and fine. At the end of the day (or the season as it were), I offer in my Top Ten List the Ten Most Important Traditions of Christmas.

10. Give a little something to those who serve you. There are many ways to do this. I personally try to give a little something to the people in retail and the service industry at this time. Those three-pack Lindt truffles are just about perfect for that. I try to make sure I always have some when I am Christmas shopping and then leave one behind when I make a purchase.

9. Give back to the community. For me, this is where Zoo Lights comes in, but it can include supporting any charity or non-profit organization. It includes shoveling sidewalks for neighbours and strangers.

8. Singing traditional Christmas carols/hymns. Yes, "Jingle Bells" and "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" are fun, but they would all be meaningless if there hadn't been that "Silent Night" where that special child was found "Away in a Manger". When I buy a Christmas album, there must be a few of those songs on it. If they are all party-type fun stuff with no mention of Christ, then it just is not for me.

7. Ward Christmas party. I have been fortunate enough to go almost every year. My church family is so integral to the success that I have had that I relish the opportunity to celebrate an important event with them. The fact that there is usually a great turkey dinner involved is great too.

6. Talking to strangers. Totally in the face of what my elementary teachers taught me, but this means offering a friendly hello and Merry Christmas to those around us.

5. Respecting all holidays, regardless of religion. I made a special effort this year to recognize the religious and cultural holidays and observances of many faiths. I know that there are many people who are not Christian, and while this is a country that was created largely by Christian people, it was created for all people of all belief, even if that belief is none at all. I make no apologies for wishing people a Merry Christmas, but there is no reason to pass along a desire for people to have a Happy Chanukah or a Habari Gani.

4. Forgiveness. We need to find forgiveness in our hearts, for He is willing to forgive us. This includes finding forgiveness for ourselves. We can give ourselves a gift in allowing us to move beyond the mistakes that we make.

3. Tell my wife how much she means to me. Yeah, this is a year long goal, but Christmas includes gift giving, and every day she gives me love, understanding, acceptance, support, peace, joy, and my children. She brings out the best in me and completes my life.

2. Spend time with family. I hope my children will be able to look back when I'm gone and be able to say that I was always there for them, not just at Christmas  but always. I hope the activities that we turn into traditions will be fond memories for them.

1. Keep the first six letters in Christmas the main focus.

A last little gift to you all, one of my favourite more modern Christmas songs.

Hmmmm, What to Write

You know, one of the things that I have found to be the most frustrating is deciding what to write about in this blog. I thought once to have a special blog to write about political views (being a staunch independent), but unless there is an election or scandal going on, the topic gets boring for me (and when those things are happening, it is depressing more often than not). I have no problem writing about everything that happens to a person, but I prefer to do that in a journal as opposed to online. quite frankly, I doubt my day-to-day ramblings are of any interest to anyone except those who are descended from my and want to learn more after I'm gone. I could write about all the funny things that Barbara does, or all the amazing things that Heather does, or all the trials and triumphs of my students, but I would not have the time for anything else after that. I could pick interesting little topics to write on, but unless something particular strikes me, I find myself looking at the keyboard and blank screen wondering what I could write about that could possibly be interesting enough for other people to spend some time reading about. So here I am, doing exactly that.

I made a goal to post a blog once a month. It is December 1, and I this will only be my 9th of the year. Oops. It is not like nothing significant happens to me ever. Why, just this past week I began rehearsals with my school's drama team (I play Chef Louis in "The Little Mermaid"), but I think I want to wait with writing about that until my journey is completed (and when I have a cool picture of me in my costume). I know some people who have very little blogging once a week let alone once a day, but for me it's different. As I get older, I feel less like making a big deal out of everything. It's great that people can and do blog like that, it just is not my style these days. With teaching, raising a daughter, helping out two wonderful step-sons, supporting the most amazing woman a man could have as a wife, church duties, etc, time is limited. I am not sure that this goal is attainable to me this year.

So how do I rectify this issue I have with setting a goal and then not reaching it? I teach my students and children that failing to reach a goal can be a positive thing. Perhaps what I need to do is find a better way to find topics to write on. Perhaps I can ask you, the two or three of you that actually read this, to provide me suggestions (just leave them in the comments). Perhaps I could start brainstorming at night a bunch of different topics, write them down, and then the first weekend of every month draw one at random. Or perhaps I could just write my frustrations at not being better at blogging...oh wait. Shucks, just did that. Oh well.

Here is the Top Ten list for this entry:

Top Ten Things I Hate About Being Sick (last week I had the flu, today a bad cold):
10. Sleep. No matter how much I get, it never seems to be enough.
9. The taste of medication. Come on Buckley's, tell the truth. You make sure your product tastes so horrible that people lie about feeling better so it is never used again.
8. My body using orifices as waste disposal (more than just the usual kind)
7. Missing work. I hate planning for a sub when I cannot even think straight.
6. Going back to work. I usually have to spend at least a day making up for all the problems caused by being gone because I couldn't make up good sub plans due to not thinking straight (see #7).
5. Getting the rest of the family sick. Not the kind of thing I like to share with my loved ones.
4. Daytime TV. Enough said.
3. Tissues become an endangered species.
2. Food tastes...sick, and not the definition of "sick" that today's youth use incorrectly. I mean everything I taste reminds me of being sick.
1. Feeling like an old person because when I get sick, I start complaining about how today's youth do things wrong, like using the wrong definition of "sick".

Realisations & Reflections

Realisations. I see my little daughter walk towards me for the first time and realise that she is growing up. I hear about people in my own country being persecuted for the clothing that they wear and I realise that in some ways our progress as society has been more shallow than I had hoped. I watch people make sacrifices for those displaced by the floods in June and realise that perhaps we have progressed more than I thought. I teach a biology course for the 20th time and think I've heard it all, and this week I had a kid ask me a really insightful question, and I see things in a brand new light again.Oh, the power of realisation. Sometimes it almost feels like it is revelation.

My biggest realisation this week was the fact that I have started my twelfth year of teaching. I have taught across the spectrum, and I have had many ups and downs. For some reason, I thought it was only ten years. I guess time goes more quickly at my age. I suspect that I am entering the last year of my first third of my education career. Looking back I find myself reflecting on what has changed the most. Each year I grow and change. Each year comes with new challenges and revelations. As I focus on the first part of my career, I find that there is one thing that permeates throughout all of the many different schools that I have worked at. That one thing is the impact of my students on my life. I have had some that have been amazing, and some that were a severe trial, with a range in between. Through all the good times and the bad I have had students that lifted me up, most often in ways that they did not realise were of benefit to me. I know that I have forgotten many of their names, especially in the early years, but their impact has been a buoy even years after they sat in front of me. At Centre High in Edmonton, I remember fondly the students who treated a brand new shiny teacher that they were hopeful for my success. I still to this day have the Farming Game that one class chipped together to get me for Christmas. I also remember one young lady who when she learned that due to budget reasons that I would not be employed by Edmonton Public any more, she wrote me glowing reference letter. I wonder if I still have that letter. I hope so.

In Radville, Saskatchewan, I had my first experience with students who hated me. I grew a lot from them. I also had a lot who loved me, and I discovered that the real reason I go to work every day is for those kids. I learned that I can't please everyone, and sometimes my perceived short comings are the problems of those who choose it to be so, not my own. I remember well a group of students who would find out what mischief students in another grade were going to attempt in my class, then let me know so I could be prepared for them. I wonder if that other group ever realised how I knew their every move.

After Radville I went to Thunderchild First Nation. Talk about a learning experience. My students their taught me how crucial resiliency is. I watched as kids who were on the cusp of adulthood be thrust into parenting roles within their own families due to circumstances beyond their control. I saw some falter while others flourished. I watched students get knocked down again and again and again, and each time they got up and pushed forward. I saw how drugs and alcohol ruined promise and hope. I saw violence that tore at a community like a frenzied wolf, and then saw the community come together. I saw children respond to a firm and steady voice, and it was here that I came to know how important a teacher can be in the life of a child. I went through the worst part of my personal life with these kids, and to hear so many positive things about myself from these kids was my life preserver. There are a handful who have eternally etched themselves into my soul. I keep track of them via Facebook, and things look good.

Moving back to Calgary I found myself subbing with FFCA, mostly in elementary schools. I loved having a group of Grade 2 students who I was with the day before run across the hall to give me a massive group hug. I feel much more comfortable with teens than elementary, but those little tykes were great. A hug from a child is always welcome. I then spent a few months at Sir Winston Churchill high school. I will not forget a group of six students who were so different and yet very tight. They reminded me of a stereotypical cast of one of those teenage horror movies, where a killer stalks a group of friends and bumps them off one by one (wow, how morbid). What was special about them was how diverse they were in ethnicity, religion, gender, ability, and so on, yet they worked so well together. they could teach us all a few lessons on inclusion and acceptance.

Finally, I found myself in my current assignment. I have been at this school the longest (unless you are talking about campuses, and then it's a tie with Radville at three years), and as far as I am concerned I will be here until retirement. I marvel at what these kids have taught me. To find a school where character and leadership are such an integral part of their educational practices creates a special kind of student. I have been honoured in so many different ways by these kids, and I have felt a desire far greater than with any other school to push myself out of my comfort zone. I have been inspired by these kids in their character, their responsibility, their humour, their art, and their spirits. I have had the great pleasure of seeing some amazing kids walk these halls and they are heading out into the world reading to leave their mark. What is interesting to me is that most of them have not yet realised that they have already left their mark. I take lessons from them and pass those on to the next batch of students.

So as I reflect and realise the wonders that exist in my students, I feel that my top 10 list is dedicated to them. If tonight was my last night on Earth...wait, that's a bit over dramatic. How about: "If today was my last day in front of the classroom...". Ah, yes, much better. If today was my last day in front of the classroom, here is the list of what I want my students to know.

10. What is failure? Failure is a choice. Failure is a chance. Failure is an opportunity. Failure is a possibility. Whenever you fail, you decide how it will effect you.
9. To thine own self be true (Catchy, huh. Belongs in a play or something). I have always felt that a person is successful whenever they are true to themselves.
8. Change your perspective from minimum to maximum. Stop thinking about how little work you need to achieve your dreams. Start looking at it as how much you can do to achieve your dreams. In school, stop wondering what the least amount of work you can do to get a good mark, but start trying to see how much you can learn. Whatever your job is, stop doing the bare expected minimum. Do the most you can to be the best at your job. You will have more success than you could ever imagine with that attitude.
7. Don't sweat the petty things... There is so much in life that we can get caught up in that in the grand scheme of things are unimportant. Don't let the little things bring you down. Don't let them sway you from what is important.
6. (continues from #7)... and don't pet the sweaty things. There is too much garbage in the world. Don't get involved in it. If you are involved in some of it, get out of it. There are people out there that will tell you if you smoke this substance, or look at this material, and listen to this hate that you will feel good. Those are lies. Stay away from them. Oh, and to the Class of 2013, that was from me!
5. Love is strength. If you want to change someone, love them. If you want to change your life, love more. If you want to overcome hate, use love, not more hate. Nothing beats love.
4. You never stop learning. At least, unless you do not believe in life after death. Then, you only stop learning when you die. Stop fighting it and embrace the learning. Knowing stuff and wondering about things are powerful. It can be the best part of your day.
3. Smile at strangers. You never know what your smile will bring to them. You may be the brightest part of that person's day. Also, you may make some people wonder what you're up to!
2. Always be yourself, but always be your better self. We all have good things and bad things about ourselves. We are all imperfect. Sometimes we justify our bad actions and poor choices because we are being "true to ourselves'. That's a cop out, and you know better. Be yourself, yes, but be the best self you can be.
1. How do you make a difference in the world? It does not matter how much money you make or how many people know your name. It makes no difference how many papers or novels you publish, nor how many followers you have on Twitter. Positions of power and authority do not equate with influence. If you want to make a difference in the world, then focus on the relationships you have with people. If you focus on relationships, then you will be a major power of change.

Good night.