This Time

A lot on my mind lately concerning my profession. I won't lie, I am feeling the weight of things. A few weeks ago I received the sad news that one of my former students at FFCA passed away. This is the second student from FFCA in two months that has unexpectedly passed away, the second funeral for a former student in two months. This last one hit particularly hard for me as she was the very first student at FFCA that I met. I spoke to her mother at the funeral. We hugged and wept together, both of us being overcome with pain and grief. This makes four students I knew that have died suddenly during my 15 years of teaching (there may be others, as we lose touch, but these are the ones I know of). It pains me to say good-bye to these young souls who have been taken at such a young age. Sometimes these deaths are accidental, sometimes self-inflicted, and sometimes it's just how life kicks at us. 

Add to that yet another school shooting in the US where 17 students and teachers were gunned down in a place that is supposed to be safe. This happened February 14th. Happy Valentine's Day. The worst thing about this is that when this happened, I honestly just slumped in my desk, asked myself why this happened, and then went about my day. It didn't hurt me anymore. I have become numb to the whole ordeal. Someone takes a gun, kills a whole bunch of people, and we mourn. Politicians and citizens act in outrage. Victims are buried, their families are comforted, and arguments heat up. And then it all goes away. The families of the victims find themselves alone, rebuilding after their devastation, the politicians go find another crowd to shake hands with, more guns are sold, and nothing really changes. Political jockeying continues and nothing really changes. Late night talk show hosts make more sense than government leaders, we get a few chuckles to satiate our outrage, and nothing really changes. And that is what I was thinking would happen here. More of the same, and nothing really changes.

It frustrates me that people appear to love guns more than lives. After the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary I remember people saying that their rights to own whatever kind of weapon trumps the dead. It sickened me then, and sickens me now. Common sense has been replaced with paranoia. Some fear that a ban an assault rifles will lead to all guns being taken from every citizen of the free world. Ludicrous. That is not what is being proposed. I have yet to have one valid argument for needing assault rifles. They are not for hunting, they are not for protection, they are not for any useful purpose. People just like to shoot them. That's it. Coupled with some insane theory that the government wants to subject them, and people are rabid over their right to own military-style weaponry that has only been designed to kill as many people as possible. And this attitude is ingrained in the heart of America. It has burrowed its way into the psyche and seems to have no hope of getting out. It's not like there is a lack of evidence that shows that when a mass shooting happens, and some important gun laws are enforced, that the shootings decrease. Just look at the UK and Australia as examples of this. Nobody there has had their freedoms curtailed, and fewer people are being killed at concerts, schools, and workplaces. But evidence, logic, and reason do not seem to mean much. 

I get having a rifle to hunt. I get having a handgun to protect your home. I even get that there needs to be more on background checks, mental health, and reaching out to those who have been ostracized. I get the reluctance of millions of law-abiding gun owners, who use their weapons responsibly, and who do not want to be punished for the actions of a few madmen. I get that the solution to this does not lie solely in the realm of tougher gun laws, yet if we refuse to incorporate this piece of the puzzle into the solution, then it will forever be incomplete. There will be more mass shootings, more senseless deaths, and the cycle will continue in an endless loops until we destroy ourselves. 

And yet I think back to the students that I have lost. No, none of them died from gun violence. They were car accidents, drug use, and suicide. I mourn for them and I have seen how those who love them are torn apart inside with grief and anguish. I can only assume that the families of the victims of this recent shooting feel much the same. I know that more can be done, and yet people just don't want to do it. It really doesn't seem like things are going to change much...again.

And yet, this time there is something new. This time, the students of Florida are standing up to the political leaders and to the NRA and to those who seem intent on sending "thoughts and prayers" to the victims and avoid discussing the problem. This time, the students are demanding a change. This time, the students are claiming that they have been failed enough. Their teachers and parents are standing with them. The nations are taking notice The students are making their voices heard and they are not going to stop until everyone has heard them. When someone tries to pass them off as "crisis actors", they students are shouting them down. When the trolls of the internet try to bully them into silence, the students are trolling them right back. It is very refreshing to see.

I'm not saying that what this movement is demanding is necessarily the right thing here, although I agree with a lot of what they are saying. I'm also not saying that this will lead to any meaningful change, although I would love it if it did. What I am saying is that the students are making their voices heard, and that is a good thing. This students are tired of being failed by us older folks, and they want better. Instead of sitting back and wait for the next school shooting, they are going to try to do something about it.

I love it.

I have said before that thoughts and prayers do indeed have merit, value, and even power, but I also have said that if all you do is offer thoughts and prayers, then you are not doing enough to help remedy the situation. I am overjoyed with how these youth are demanding something change, and this is how it happens. Whether or not anything changes right now is irrelevant to me. All I can say is that despite the heaviness of the last few weeks, I am encouraged to see the leaders of tomorrow stepping up to the plate.

This time, maybe we will have some real results.

Thank You, Thomas S Monson

On January 2, 2018, President Thomas Spencer Monson, sixteenth president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, passed away quietly, surrounded by his family. For almost a full decade he served as the president of the church, which was the pinnacle of a life dedicated to service in the church. He was called as an apostle at the age of 36, and had previously served as a bishop. He also had a special connection to Canada as he served as the mission president for the Toronto, Ontario Canada mission. He dedicated the Calgary Temple in 2012 and has always had a special place in his heart for our country. For all of my life I remember him as someone I looked forward to hearing from during General Conference. He would always have stories from his life to support the lessons he would teach us. I often thought of him as a wise and kind grandfather, imparting his wisdom and knowledge to us. Most of all, I will remember him for his love for Jesus Christ. His testimony and witness of Christ is one of his lasting legacies.

In the days following his passing, I read and watched a lot of tributes to President Monson. Mostly, they were positive and praiseworthy. Even Donald Trump was able to say something nice about him. A few media outlets chose to focus on the negative, highlighting things that really had little to do with President Monson, making it seem like his term as president was plagued with controversy. They could not have been further from the truth. Yes, there were those who left the church because he would not change established doctrine and policy that would go against the Lord's will. There are those in every generation. It just serves as a further tribute to Monson's love and obedience to the Lord. True, there were some incidents that happened that caused people to wonder if the church was going to be taken down by scandal. When you get to the bottom of the scandal, however, you see that there was really nothing scandalous about anything, other than the lengths some would go to discredit the church. Throughout it all, President Monson never turned to mud-slinging, insults, or denigration. While he was firm in his resolve to do the Lord's will, he always did so with humility and love. 

He was the President of the church during a very difficult portion of my life, and many of his teachings were a strength and a boon to me. I was always impressed with his ability to help me see the beauty in life and to keep a good sense of humor about things. Instead of going through a lengthy list of accomplishments and stats about the man, let me share with you some of his words of teaching and counsel over the years that mean a lot to me.

There is something wise in the admonition to choose friends with caution. This doesn't mean that we are suspicious of everyone, but that we are to be truly careful in choosing our friends. This includes opening your heart to the possibilities of befriending the seemingly friendless. I also appreciate the counsel to plan our future with purpose. It is easy to go through life without goals, but real growth happens when we have a purpose in life. As for framing my life with faith, well, it's hard for me to put into words how that has impacted my life, but I know that my life would be considerably more difficult and sad if I did not have faith.

So often I hear people say that they want to make a difference in the world. It does not matter what vocation you choose, but if you are seeking to be a good example to those around you, you will make the world a better place.

As a Sunday school teacher in my ward, this one is very relevant to me. Every week I prepare for my class with this in mind. My goal is not to give information, but to hopefully get my students to think about their lives in a way that will cause them to make the necessary changes in their life and thereby find more happiness.

Of course, with the thinking comes action, otherwise we are just sitting there thinking, and thinking. Just thinking never accomplished anything important unless action follows the thoughts.

So many examples to go with this. We can offer a helping hand to the less fortunate, or we can more easily walk on by them without making eye contact. We can stand by the person being bullied, or we can mind our own business and say nothing. We can make the hard choice of standing alone for our morals, or we can compromise our standards and integrity for the sake of "fitting in".

This ties in with the last one. It is so easy to get caught up in seeking to stay relevant, current, and popular. The result is that we often fall for anything instead of standing for truth and right.

How do we find, grow, and nurture our testimony? Here is a formula that President Monson gave us that will help.

The trials we face in life are not going to be easy, but they will help define us. We can be all upset that life isn't perfect, or we can be learning from those challenges. I am thankful that the wisdom that I learned during my challenges helped me become a better person.

President Monson was all about service. He loved a ;life of it. He always challenged us to reach out to those in the most need. He counseled us in word and action to serve the sick, the elderly, the lonely, the oppressed, and the poor. 

Love and kindness. He never was short on those two attributes. His attitude to face everything with a positive spin is both infectious and inspiring.

I had to use this advice in my life a lot. I especially found that this works with myself as well as others. The true healing that is found in forgiving ourselves and others is astounding.

Not much I can add to this, except to say "Thank you, President Monson."

Happy 2018

So 2017 is in the bag, and 2018 has started. It has been quite the year for us in the Andrews household. Heather started the school year with a new teaching assignment. She teaches kindergarten in the morning and music in the afternoon. It keeps her very busy but she is enjoying it. She gets to work with all the students in her school and has had some great experiences. My favorite was when she coordinated a Ghostbusters flash mob with the entire school without the rest of the staff knowing about it. It has really exercised her creativity. She also was called as the Primary President in our ward, and is using her talents to help all the children of the ward.

Barbara started kindergarten this fall. We spent a lot of time researching which school to send her before deciding on FFCA. I'm excited about the prospects of having her in my high school eventually. Barbara was super excited to be in school. She loves her teacher, Mrs. Lin, and is friends with all of her classmates. She also gets a kick out of her principal, Mr. Lowther. She talks about him so much that Hope is starting to talk about wanting him as a principal. Barbara started reading before school started, and has also begun piano lessons. She is learning lots and we are seeing remarkable improvement in things such as her penmanship and coloring.

Hope is still working on potty training. She has the day time figured out, but is still needing the pull-ups for nighttime. She has developed quite the dominant attitude and is proving to be a force to be reckoned with. She loves to laugh and giggle and wants to do everything her big sister does. She has also started to plink away at the piano on her own. Sometimes it amazes me how well she is able to figure out music on her own. Once in a while we mistake her experimentation with Barbara practicing. She finished off her time in nursery this year and is looking forward to being a Sunbeam in Primary next year.

My brother Kevin, who has been living with us for close to two years, started a new job at Canadian Tire. It has been a really good having him here. Dayton continues his studies at Mount Royal and even had an internship at World Health, where I go to for my workouts. Dustin and Andrew moved to Edmonton, and Dustin was able to find a design job at a home builders. It is exactly what he wants to do and he is enjoying the new location.

As for myself, it has been interesting for me this year. I finished the 2016-17 school year on a bit of a down note. Without going into too much detail, I was getting frustrated at work, to the point where I began to doubt myself a lot. I started the new school year with a goal to reclaim the passion that I had lost. I took a deep and honest inventory of where I was at and started to refocus my energies. It worked out for the better, mostly. Still not where I want to be, but I am in a much better place then before. A large part of this was due to a colleague who moved into the room across from me. She has helped me as a sounding board and pointed out some perspectives for me. I also took on a student teacher that I will have throughout much of the entire school year. Not only is she the best student teacher I have ever seen, our personalities have so much in common that she quickly became a good friend. It has been one of the most rewarding professional relationships I have had and has been a big part in my feeling revitalized as a teacher.

In church I received a new calling. Back in the spring I was called as the Gospel Doctrine teacher in my ward. I felt I had some pretty big shoes to fill (our previous teacher had been a general authority before this calling), but it has been a great and inspirational blessing for me. I have found a lot of joy in serving the ward in this capacity. Temple attendance continues to be a big focus in my life, and I was able to add the Toronto temple on my list of temples that I have done work in this summer. Yup, the big adventure this year was loading up the family on Canada Day and driving to Toronto to visit the in-laws on their mission for a week. We saw the Toronto Zoo, Ripley's Aquarium, and Niagara Falls. It was quite the event for us.

So, as I look forward to 2018, I feel ready to see what the year will bring. I hope there will be more laughs, more fun, and less Trump. Well, the first two are likely I guess. Here's the Top 10 list in review.

10. Movie Event of the Year - Hard to pick just one, but I will say that for many of my franchises I follow it has been great. Enjoyed Kong: Skull Island, which might be a promising franchise in itself. Thor: Ragnorok, Spiderman: Homecoming, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 were all great additions to the MCU. DC had two great films with Justice League and Wonder Woman. And, of course, there was Episode VIII in the Star Wars saga, which I was absolutely thrilled by. Can't pick just one, so I will say the "event" was the franchise fun as a whole.

9. Music Event of the Year - Hands down it was Garth Brooks. As I blogged about earlier, we had the chance to see him perform in Calgary. Even though our seats were behind the stage and way up at the top, they felt like the best seats in the house. It was great to see the Legend that is Garth Brooks live.

8. So Proud Moment of the Year - This goes to my Dad, who seems to show no signs of slowing down in his seventies. He has really gotten involved in his community this year, including a run for town council, establishing a Highway of Heroes tribute, and managing not one but two concerts for Alix. He was able to bring in the Arrogant Worms in March (which we went to) and George Canyon in November (which we were not able to attend, sadly).

7. Milestone of the Year - I think for this one it's Barbara's first day of school. Heather was able to take her to the first day of classes, while I took her to her first school bus ride the next day. I took a photo of her running on to the bus with a "Bye Dad" sort of moment.

6. Reconnect of the Year - Went to Waterton National Park in May. It's been close to a decade since I last went, and it brought back a lot of great memories from my childhood. Quite enjoyed the time spent there just walking the town site. It was very unfortunate that the park was hit with the wildfires, but glad that the town was mostly left intact.

5. Adventure of the Year - The Toronto trip, no question. We had portable DVD players and headphones for the girls and then hit the road. It was a lot of fun, seeing things we had never seen before, and enjoyed almost every aspect of it. On the way back we stayed an extra night in the Chicago area and went to the Brookfield Zoo, which was excellent.

4. Professional Experience of the Year - That would have to be mentoring Hayley Jonason this last semester. As I already mentioned, she is the best I have seen. She could have her own classroom right now without much worry.

3. First-Time of the Year - Took the girls to Calaway Park for the first time this summer. We had a lot of fun. Hope loved being on rides that only she could be on. Barbara shouted out on so many times that it was the best day and place ever. It was so much fun we bought season passes for next year.

2. Spiritual Event of the Year - Doing sealings at the temple this year was just as special as before. We had two great sessions of it, and it was neat receiving some insight from the other side about how things were going.

1. Family Event of the Year - This was tough to choose for me, but I think I have to go with baptizing my nephew Austin a few weeks ago. It was a great and special experience for me, and it was an honor to perform this ordinance for him and his family.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2018, full of joy, happiness, and blessings.

#metoo

Earlier this week one of my former students posted on Facebook #metoo. I wasn't sure what it was about. As I scrolled down my feed I came across another, this time with an explanation. Women who post this are saying that they have either been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted at sometime in their life. Over the next few days I saw "#metoo" again and again. It was being shared by former students, old university friends, colleagues, and more. I recognized that while many were coming forward and stating what had happened, there were likely many others who, for various valid reasons, remained silent. A couple men that I am friends with shared their thoughts on it. One admitted he had spoken inappropriately of women in the past, the other that he was saddened by it and hoped that nothing he had ever said or done had made people feel uncomfortable. I added my own support, which is what is prompting this blog entry. I stated how in the past my own insecurities caused me to hold my tongue as I overheard some awful discussions about women. We have seen in the last week a once powerful force in Hollywood crash and burn in reputation and credibility as long known truths about his sexual harassment towards women for decades finally "came to light" when it has long been the industries worst-kept secret. And while I am both dismayed at so many women in my life that have endured this horrible treatment and so impressed by their courage in starting the dialogue by uncovering their shame, I cannot help but feel that it will not be enough.

These sort of on-line social media fueled outrages have been going on for years now. Perhaps I have grown cynical in my old age, but I cannot help but feel that these come and go and little ever changes. Schools and concerts get shot up, and gun laws never change. Football players kneel during an anthem to protest police brutality, and critics deflect the issue to soothe their own discomfort. Even with #metoo there are those that will mock it, complain that men are assaulted to, and get upset because their chosen injustice is not being addressed and therefor this one is not worthy of attention. And it continues. So, sadly, I feel that nothing in the long term is going to change in society with regards to this.

And I can't control society.

But I do control myself.

I do have influence I can use.

I can make a difference, albeit a small one.

You see, these movements do not have to cause gargantuan shifts in societal values. They do not have to topple institutions built upon sexual inequality. They only have to cause one high school science teacher to change his own life, and it is not even that big of a change. I just need to make sure that as a father I teach my daughters to stand up for themselves and not allow a man to touch or harass them in any way, that if a man does that he is the one who did something wrong, not them. I can teach my sons to be stand beside women and defend them, not because they are stronger or better than women but because it is the right thing to do. I can encourage students to be more respectful. I can stand up for women when I hear these disparaging remarks made about them. I can believe the brave woman who comes forward and shares her experience when she posts "me too". I can encourage the women in my life to not paint all men with the same brush as the harassers, but that does not mean that men have no role in this. I can own my short comings and stand with those who have been treated unfairly.

Perhaps others will see my example and examine their own life. Perhaps some will come to a realization that they have contributed to this culture when they call the cheerleaders at the football game "hoochie mamas". Maybe they will realize that when they listen to music where the lyrics treat women like objects for their own pleasure that they are in essence disrespecting their sisters, mothers, and daughters, and maybe then they will turn off that music. Maybe some women will find through my words and actions that they have the strength to stand up to the predators and not excuse their deplorable behaviour. There might even be someone that feel motivated by what I said and decide to make a similar stand and inspire others.

You see, we should not try to change society with these movements, because the task is ultimately too big. Instead, we should focus on making the change within ourselves. We should look within to make the world a better place instead of focusing on within others. We should not just stand with women who have experienced these events, but we should stand with men who have always done the right thing. We should hold these men up as examples of what a real man is. We should allow the change to occur within ourselves, and then watch to see if others do the same. We should take a long, hard, and difficult look at ourselves and honestly ask "What can I do better?", and then do it. If we fail in our attempts to change, then we do it again. And even if you are the only one who decided to make the change within themselves and nobody else changes, then know that the world did not have the power to make you a lesser person. Know that you have the strength to be better and that you did it.

Do you want to change the world? Do you want the world to be a better place? Then stop trying to change people. Stop trying to change the world. Stop taking on the impossible task, and do the even more important work on yourself.

That is how we change the world...

...by only changing ourselves.

Bucket List Item: Garth Brooks

Since I was a child I have loved country music. Among the many artists that I grew up loving, a special entertainer burst onto the scene in 1989 that impacted my life. His name is Garth Brooks, and since he hit the status of super star I have wanted to attend one of his live concerts. Well, as of Saturday, September 2, 2017, that item on my bucket list has been checked off.

Along with some good friends, Heather was online as soon as ticket sales for his announced September concerts went on sale earlier this summer. We bought the tickets that could be considered the worst tickets in the arena. They were behind the stage and up. To be honest, I was a little disappointed that we didn't have anything better, but I was going to go and enjoy myself no matter where I was sitting. I had gone almost three decades wanting to see him live, and I felt that it would be worth it.

The six of us arrived at 7 pm (the show started at 7:30), but the throng of fans waiting to go see him was so large it wasn't until almost 8 that we found our seats. There was a delightful lady named Karyn Rochelle who was singing a beautiful acoustic set while we were climbing the stairs to our seats. It turned out that we were in one of the highest rows in the Saddledome. The stage was an oval and for us sitting behind the stage we had a large screen that showed us everything that was happening up front. I noticed how high up we were and my acrophobia started kicking in. As I did my best to enjoy the opening act, I couldn't help but feel my irrational fear of heights gnawing at my insides. I was figuring that it was going to be a long evening.

The opening act finished, and people were heading to the bathrooms and concession stands, as nobody wanted to miss a minute of the big show. When the countdown timer hit on the big screen and we saw the band members in the shadows take their places as the lights went down. The first chord was struck and the crowd went crazy. Then, on cue, the man himself appeared, and we all lost it. He started with one of his most recent hits, "Lay Down and Dance", and then it was hit after hit. The screens around the stage were raised so we could see everything. The floor of the stage itself became a screen, so those of us in the nose bleed seats could experience our own show. I learned that at a Garth Brooks show, every seat is the best seat in the house.

As we danced and sang along with "Two of a Kind", "Two Pina Colodas", and "Rodeo" (which in Calgary is as big as anything), Garth engaged with the audience as only he can. A couple on the floor became engaged, and Garth stopped the show for a moment so he could congratulate them. He then serenaded them with "To Make You Feel My Love". The show continued and it soon became apparent that the crowd knew all the words to each of his songs. The entire stadium transformed into the greatest karaoke party of all time. When Garth began the first lines of "In Another's Eyes" is started searching the stage for where Trisha Yearwood would make her appearance. As far as country music goes, I loved the 80s and 90s era the most, and of all the artists that I have wanted to see perform, Garth was #1, and Trisha Yearwood lands in the Top 5 easily. Her voice is as sweet and melodious as it has ever been, and the lady still has it. While she only sang five songs, it felt as if a lifetime of musical bliss was passing by. Ending with "She's in Love with the Boy", she showed us all that Trisha is still one of the finest voices in music.

Garth took over again and it was apparent that we wouldn't be "Going Down Till the Sun Came Up". "The Thunder Rolls" was as Magical as I had imagined it would be, and the when he started to strum the opening chord to "Friends in Low Places", I was finally able to participate in the best bar song of all time. As he sang "The Dance", I couldn't help but cry for the only person I knew who was a bigger Garth Brooks fan, and that was my brother TJ. I was sure he was watching from even higher above us, and enjoying every minute of it. When Garth came back for the house cleaning segment, he started playing the songs that fans had wanted that were not on the main show, and did some amazing cover songs. I got chills when he was singing "Amarillo by Morning" and his fiddle player came on to accompany him. We all sang with "The Piano Man" and "He Stopped Loving Her Today". When the show ended, we proceeded to exit the Saddledome. I can't think of how anyone would have been upset with the show, except, perhaps, that it was over.

What makes the Garth Brooks live show such an event is the artist himself. I have seen several big names perform, and have usually enjoyed every show. Garth adds something extra special to it, however, and it truly is an experience to behold. He makes sure that every seat gets something special. He recently announced that he wanted even the upper most seats made available, setting the price at a reasonable $30 each. Some would argue that he is just trying to milk us out of even more money to line his pockets, but then he said all of those sales would go to the Calgary Flames charity. He wouldn't take a dime from opening those extra seats. All he wants to do is sing with his fans. He is an artist who knows that he is where he is because of his fans. He soaks up the cheers and the love and gives it right back. He is all about the music and the fans. He wants to make sure that everyone enjoys themselves. He also has an infectious energy that lasts the whole night long. I felt tired just watching him, and at the end of it all he did look exhausted yet rejuvenated.

His concert is more than a show, more than a party, more than an event. It is a true legend that must be experienced. I don't know how ling he will keep this up, but go see him if you get the chance.

Oh, and my acrophobia? It was gone by the end of his second song.

Even if it ate at me the whole show, Garth is worth it.

My Thoughts and Prayers...

So there is something that has been bothering me a while, and I think now is as good of time as any to address it. There has been a few postings on social media of a variation of a meme. It involves the tendency of a person who, when they hear of something bad that has happened, will respond with the phrase "my thoughts and prayers are with you/them...". The meme is usually of the vein that suggests that such a posting is pointless, worthless, and void of any intent to do good. They suggest that because those who post that only post that and go on with their lives, doing nothing else to improve the situation. They mock those of us who pray for others as fools who want to pay lip service when others suffering while bringing attention to how thoughtful we are in our social media postings.

Well, those memes have been bothering me for a while now. Thankfully, these only seem to appear in postings from public groups and not from a lot of people that I know, but they do bother me. For a while, I was having trouble figuring out why they bothered me so. Earlier this week, I figured it out.

They bother me because they are right...

...and they are wrong. 

Let me address the first claim. Yes, too often those of us who say this are guilty of only doing only the token show of concern by expressing that we will think about and pray for those who are suffering, and then go on with our lives. One of the messages that I agree with in these memes is that if we have the capability of doing more than just simply wishing them well, then we should be doing more. If you were hungry, I could say that I will pray that you have enough to eat. Better would be to give you some food so that you are not hungry anymore. If you were on fire and I had a hose, I think you would rather that I use that hose to put out the fire that is currently scorching your skin before I start saying a prayer for you. When there is action that one can provide and we instead just offer our "thoughts and prayers", then we are missing the point of prayers. I do believe in God, and I believe that He will often answer our prayers by enlisting others to help out. 

Here is where I think these guys are wrong. I feel they falsely assume some key things whenever someone posts that. First, they assume that the person is only posting it and doing nothing else. Sorry, but in a world where we are constantly yelling at each other that we shouldn't wrongly judge each other, they have just wrongly judged some of us. Last year during the wildfires that destroyed a significant portion of Fort McMurray, I saw many people say that they were praying for the people who had fled their homes and businesses. I then saw, over the next several weeks, those same people talk about how they donated blood, belongings, or money. Some opened their homes to family and friends who were displaced. Others went and volunteered at fund raisers to help out those who were less fortunate. They did post about "thoughts and prayers", but followed up with actions that helped ease the situation of those they were thinking and praying about. They talked the talk, and then walked the walk.

So why do they post about it on social media? Isn't that drawing attention to themselves?


That is yet another faulty assumption. There are many reasons why people post the things that they are doing on Facebook and tweet about it later. Yes, some of us do it to draw attention to ourselves, but more often than not the goal is far greater. They want to draw attention to the cause that they are championing. They want to encourage others to do the same. Some of us cannot help because we know not where we can pitch in. Several times I have been made aware of something I could do because someone else told me about it. I would argue that more often than not the intent is to say more of "come join me" and less of "hey, look at me".

If there are those who are critical of people "praying" for those in hardships, may I suggest that they are not aware of the power of prayer. Prayer has long been a way for people to seek strength and balance in their lives. I do believe that God does hear us and answers our prayers. I believe that it is a real power, but even if you do not share that belief, there is still a power in prayer. Let us assume that God does not hear or answer prayers, just for the sake of argument. When a person prays repeatedly for something, their mind focuses on it. So let us say that I am praying for the plight of Syrian refugees. As I pray daily for these people, it means that their plight is in the front of my mind. As I go throughout my day, my thoughts are on them. I am, at the very least, subconsciously thinking about them. If something comes across my attention about Syrian refugees, I am more likely to pay attention to it. If an opportunity arises to assist them, then I am more likely to notice it and act on it. Even if there is no God for you, that does not mean that a belief in God and action towards it cannot bring about good things.

Finally, I think the main reason why some of us post that our thoughts and prayers are with our loved ones going through trials, or for complete strangers, it is because there may literally be nothing else that we can do to help them, but at the very least they are letting them know that they are not alone. I know when I have mentioned that I am having some troubles, and someone else responds with "I'm praying for you", then I know that someone out there is rooting for me. I also know that when there is a terrorist attack in some far off country, some of us feel helpless. So we post that our thoughts and prayers are with the people of that country, others will respond in kind, and then I know that I am not the only one trying to make sense of a harsh world.

I know that there is a God. I know that prayer has a power to it that I cannot fully explain, but can confirm that it is a real thing. Others will scoff and scorn that, and so be it. That is their right. Maybe, if you are one that is tired of seeing such nonsense as "my thoughts and prayers are with (insert group/person here), then perhaps you could do us all a favor. Consider that by insulting these people, mocking them, or just yelling at them, you are really no better. As I already mentioned, sometimes the people offering thoughts and prayers are indeed providing shallow lip service, but please consider that many of us are actually doing something good. It may not be how you would do something, but that does not make it bad. Instead of yelling through your device, perhaps you could instead offer an option for these people to do some truly "meaningful" service. Or, if that is not enough, scroll on. Really, think of what you are doing. Taking moments out of your busy life to insult people, thinking that by shaming them will cause them to change their behavior. History shows that such actions rarely achieve anything positive.

And if you still can't stop with your disdain for those of us who share our thoughts and prayers, well, I guess there is only one thing I can do for you.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Head-Smashed-In, Spirit Enlightened

There are moments in our lives when something comes into clarity and enlightens our spirits and souls. These "aha" moments, as they are often called, can come in the most random of times, and are best when unexpected. Sometimes we search for these moments, but I like it when they come right out of the blue. It's like getting a card from someone you haven't heard from in a long time. I had one of those experiences yesterday at a place called Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump.

Let me provide some of you a bit of an education on the place, as it might help you understand what I learned. A buffalo jump is a cliff in the prairies that our indigenous people would use to secure a large amount of food in a short time. They would chase huge herds of buffalo off the cliff so they could then gather enough food to last them through the winters. Head-Smashed-In is located just outside of Fort MacLeod, in southern Alberta. It is a historical heritage site that teaches visitors about the buffalo jump and the Blackfoot people who used it. 

Photo courtesy of Kevin Andrews

Yesterday, Heather and I took the girls and my brother Kevin to go and visit the site. The place is beautiful, with the interpretive center built into the cliff side. After spending some time out on the jump, we went inside and started looking at some of the displays. A video was playing on a loop that took various aspects of the natural environment and how the Blackfoot people were affected by these. They spoke of the buffalo, the sun, water, and other components. The girls were drawn to it, so I sat with them and watched. As they spoke about fire and wind, something occurred to me. In the video it talked about how the wind and fire often caused problems for the Blackfoot. The fire would destroy their campsites and sometimes claim their lives. The wind could make hunting the buffalo difficult as if the wind changed direction, the animal's keen sense of smell could detect their approach. As the video continued it went on to explain that although the Blackfoot people struggled against these natural forces, they learned that the fire and wind brought a lot of good things for them. The grasses that were burned by the fire would grow back, greener than before. The wind brought the rains that they needed on a dry prairie. The people learned to use these forces to help them thrive in this region. 

There was my unexpected "AHA!" moment. It occurred to me that in life, there are different ways that we deal with the hardships that we encounter. Some of us hide from hardships. We do everything we can to avoid them. Others find themselves in difficult times and completely withdraw within ourselves. We let our heads hang low, often with some audible moaning and complaints, and just wait it out. I saw in my own life times where I was both of these types of people. I would lock myself in my room and lose myself in something else, hoping that the hardship would go away. I would sometimes see a challenge before me, and look for a way to not have to face the challenge in the first place. Too many times my life was a pity party as I trudged through the storm that blew around me.

Then there are those of us who accept the challenges and learn to see the benefit of them. They look to use it as an opportunity to grow and improve upon themselves. They lose their job, so they take the opportunity to re-educate themselves. I have seen how some with financial hardships use it to teach their children how to life a more frugal life. I have witnessed those struck by an illness as a reason to do things that they didn't have time to do before. I have had others show me how to take a broken relationship and turn it into something to shape themselves into someone better. Before long they take their hardship and turn it into a tool that not only improves their own life but the lives of those around them. 

I don't imply that these people see a hardship and run head first into it. It's not like they wake up one day hoping to get fired from the job they love or become involved in a car accident. They do not necessarily love the hardship, but instead welcome the lesson that they are about to learn. I look back on my own life and I can honestly say that I am not thankful to have experienced a divorce or the deaths of beloved family members. I am not grateful to have been let go from various jobs over time, nor to have been sick when I would have rather been healthy. I am grateful for the man that I have become because of these hardships. I am thankful that I chose to improve myself under these conditions so that I can be better suited to help others. While I did not enjoy the difficult times, I know that I would be a much lesser man if I had not experienced them. 

I also don't want to suggest that we actively seek out some types of hardships. I will not suggest people smoke just so they can experience cancer, or drink heavily so they can face the consequences of liver damage. I do not recommend that you marry someone with the intent of going through a divorce because it "builds character". I am instead talking about the trials that we find ourselves in. Sometimes we could have avoided it, and while it is easy to beat ourselves up over it, we should learn from our mistakes so that we can avoid them in the future. When the hardships of life that we cannot avoid hit us, we should move forward and do our best at growing from the experience.

Just like the fire, our trials can often result in something better growing from its ashes. Just like the wind, our difficulties can bring something that is greatly missing in our lives. We can discover so many great things that come out of hardship. Think of the all the "greats" in the world. Not a single one of them had a life that was free of difficulty. In fact, it is often the case that the greater the success story, the more challenging the life was. All of the greatest authors had their work rejected. All of the greatest athletes lost in the beginning. All the greatest minds had ideas fall apart. All the greatest leaders faced adversity. People are not happier because they avoided hardships, but because they thrived during them.

So let me leave you with a few tips that I have learned about how to avoid hardships. First, don't go through them alone. Strength is not shown in standing in solitude, but instead in standing with others. You can make a single pencil out of the strongest of materials, but you can still snap it in half. When the pencil is put in a bundle of others, together they become unbreakable. Look to your family and your friends for support. Ask for help instead of just wishing it would come.

Second, help others. I have learned that there is no better way to get through the pain then by lessening the burdens that others carry. When my first wife left me, I was devastated. I decided that for my birthday, I would celebrate it differently. Instead of looking at how miserable my life was, I decided to do everything that day for other people. I looked for ways that I could serve those around me. I was alone in my house, so I spent little time in it. I chose not to look at Facebook or emails. I waited until the next day to check the mail for birthday cards or check the phone messages. Instead, I went a took every opportunity to make the lives of those around me better. What could have been one of the most depressing birthdays of my life became one of the greatest. 

Third, know that hardships are temporary. Life is not going to be a constant celebration of everything wonderful. It will have lows as well as highs. When you are in the lows, know that the path will slope up eventually. The darkness always gives way to the light. For some, like my brother TJ, physical difficulties will not go away, but the hardship leaves when you learn as he did to move forward with hope and joy. 

So, as I continued throughout the historical site that is Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, I smiled at the bit of clarity that was so apparent in such a noble and proud people. For centuries the indigenous people had it figured out. Don't run from your trials. Don't bemoan them all over Facebook. Just lean on those around you and push forward. As we grow in strength, we grow in insight. As we grow in wisdom, we can endure more. The tough things in life do not defeat us unless we allow them to. Instead, we should allow them to refine us. It's wisdom that is centuries old. We would be fools to ignore it.